Pore Zarqawi's daid

From the Rodgers and Hammerhead Songbook comes this hymn to the late and (at least here) hardly lamented Mr. al-Zarqawi...
Curly:
Zarqawi's daid,
Pore Zarqawi's daid,
All gather 'round his cawfin now and cry
He had a heart of ice
And he wasn't very nice
I guess that's why the feller had to die.
Zarqawi's daid,
Pore Zarqawi's daid,
He's lookin' oh so peaceful and serene
Jud:
And serene!
Curly:
He's all laid out to rest
With his hands acrost his chest
And they got his blood-stained fingernails clean!
(Spoken)
Then the mullah'd get up and he'd say:
(Chanting)
Folks, we are gathered here to moan and groan over our brother Zarqawi, who got blowed up real good in his safehouse
(Spoken)
Then there'd be weepin' and wailin'... from some of those women. Then he'd say:
(Chanting)
Zarqawi was the most misunderstood man in this here territory. People used to think he was a mean ugly feller and they called him a dirty skunk and an ornery goat stealer
(Sung)
But the folks that really knowed him.
(Chant)
Knowed that beneath them two dirty shirts he always wore
(Sung)
There beat a heart as big as all outdoors
Jud:
As big as all outdoors.
Curly:
Zarqawi loved his feller man
Jud:
He loved his feller man
Curly (Spoken):
He loved the birds of the air and the beasts of the field. He loved the mice and the vermin in the barns, and he treated the rats like equals, which was right. And he loved little children. He loved everybody and everything in the whole world! Only he never let on, so nobody ever knowed it.
(Sung)
Zarqawi's Daid
Pore Zarqawi's daid
His friends'll weep and wail for miles around
Jud:
Miles Around!
Curly:
The daisies in the dell
will give out a different smell
Because Zarqawi's underneath the ground.
Jud:
Zarqawi's daid
A candle lights his haid
He's layin' in a cawfin made of wood
Curly:
Wood...
Jud:
And folks are feelin' sad
Cause they useter treat him bad
But now they know their friend is gone for good
Curly:
Good!
Both:
Zarqawi's Daid
A candle lights his haid!
Curly:
He's lookin' oh so purty and so nice
He looks like he's asleep,
It's a shame that he won't keep
But it's summer and we're running out of ice.
Both:
Zarqawi, Zarqawi.
----
This footnote... Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is staging a hunger strike because he hasn't yet gotten his 72 virgins. Sources in the post-living world indicate the 72 will not be forthcoming.
"Ain't no virgins in hell," Curly said.

The times they are a'changin...

It used to be, not so very long ago, that middle-aged men who followed 16-year-old girls were called perverts.
Now, thanks to the exceptionally talented and quite pretty Michelle Wie, they're called golf fans.

The Passion of Mohammed

Now, from Channel 299: The 21st Century So Far, a movie review segment...

Matt Laidback:
In movie news tonight, protests are taking place all over the uncivilized world over the new movie, “The Passion of Mohammed.” Thousands of protesters marched through the streets of Tehran, Damascus, Mecca and Paris demonstrating against the film. Christiana Amarealrich reports from Damascus.
Christiana:
“Death to the US. Death to the infidels who lie about Mohammed.” Those are the chants here on the streets as angry Muslims denounce “The Passion of Mohammed.”
Wahhabi Al-Jihad:
All those involved in this, a fatwa upon them. No man may blaspheme the prophet.
Christiana:
Several protesters told me they planned to move to Mexico and begin the fatwa shortly. Christiana Amarealrich, Damascus.
Kate Perky:
Now, with a review of the movie “The Passion of Mohammed,” here’s our movie reviewers, Alec Baldwin and Pat Robertson.
Alec:
Boy, am I glad I’m not in this one.
Pat:
I, for one, wish I could have seen your talents displayed in this work from Salmon Fishrie, you no-talent fornicator. This is a must-see movie. Salmon Fishrie is definitely swimming upstream in this historical work.
Alec:
Yeah, but George W. Bush is an idiot.
Pat:
Stick to the movie, Alec. That explains why you are a no-talent fornicator. Anyway, I talked with Salmon Fishrie, who is now in hiding thanks to the fatwa that was placed upon him by the Islamofascists.
Salmon:
This is a historical work. This is not a watered-down version of the truth designed to cater to people’s sensitivities. Mohammed was a real man. In order to portray him in all his many facets, we had to make it a very graphic film, much as Mel Gibson did in his “Passion of the Christ.”
Pat:
But as I understand it, Salmon, you were not able to convince the rating board to give your film an R. They tagged your film X-rated.
Salmon:
That’s right, Pat. But the sex scenes, and, yes, there are sex scenes -- frankly, Mohammed was quite the stud, according to historical accounts -- are no steamier than anything you would see on Desperate Housewives. The dhimmi cabal in Hollywood, of which your colleague Mr. Baldwin is a charter member, rose up and threatened a strike if the rating board gave “The Passion of Mohammed” an R rating.
Pat:
That would have been no loss, just like Mr. Chavez in Venezuela.
Alec:
I resemble that remark.
Pat:
Is that why you used unknowns for the leading roles in your film?
Salmon:
Yes. I didn’t want people seeing the film to focus on the actors, but on the story. It is a compelling story, indeed.
Pat:
I understand that the film is doing very well.
Salmon:
Yes, it has exceeded my expectations. In fact, it is now in profit after only three weeks of release. Most films take months, if not years, to be profitable.
Alec:
None of mine have ever made money, you, you, you [expletive beeped out]…
Pat:
Jealous, are we, now, Alec? Anyway, Salmon Fishrie, thank you, God bless you and good luck.
Salmon:
Thank you, Pat. Actually, I’m hoping to cast Alec in my next film.
Alec:
I’ll take it. I’ll take it.
Salmon:
Good. You’ll play the lead role in “The Execution of the Fatwa on Salmon Fishrie.”
Alec:
Uh, uh, well, er, um…
Kate:
Thank you, gentlemen and Alec, for that report.
----
By the way, Channel 299's first draft is now complete and in the hands of a friend who is reviewing it for me. More details later.

Study: Environmentalists caused global warming

A new study is being released today that demonstrates conclusively that environmentalists are largely responsible for whatever global warming exists.
Dr. B. Reel of the Institute of Deep Thoughts and Discount Duodenum Surgery of Wapwallopen, Pa., and Dr. X. Pert of the Canadian Institute of Research in Okotoks, Alberta, made the announcement.
"There are two primary reasons that environmentalists are responsible for global warming," Dr. Reel said.
"First," said Dr. Pert, "is that environmentalists forced the end of what we found was the smog era. The reduction in pollutants that once left much of the nation's industrial base under thick clouds of smoke means that more sunshine is getting through to the earth. More sunshine means more warmth."
"Second," Dr. Reel added, "is that environmentalists tend to hold conferences with alarming frequency. The only way they can get there is to fly. Since most of these environmentalists wouldn't be caught dead with normal people, they tend to fly in private jets. Those babies really burn those fuels. Al Gore himself is responsible for more global warming in one trip than 1,000 SUVs would be in an entire year. And he has made thousands of trips to promote his agenda, and that's what it is, an agenda."
The solution?
"Make Al Gore drive a Yugo to all of his conferences. And make him fly tourist class. That'll stop it right there."

Congratulations, Canada...

...for foiling a terrorist plot to do some serious damage in the Greater Toronto Area with the arrest of 17 people on the weekend. They had enough materiels stockpiled to do some very, very, very serious damage -- three times the amount of stuff Timothy McVeigh used to blow up the federal building in Oklahoma City.
But the most grating quote coming out of the stories on the arrests came from Toronto's far-far-far-left mayor, David Miller. From the CP dispatch:
Toronto Mayor David Miller said he hoped the investigation would provide more information on why young people might get involved in terrorist activities.
"We need to know that so we can try some strategies to try to prevent that from happening again."
Dear Mr. Mayor, you don't get it, do you? Those who are going to engage in terrorist activities are going to do so, no matter what grandiose schemes you might come up with (at taxpayers' expense, of course). And the reason terror cells spring up is because the Islamoterrorists hate the very freedoms that you are supposed to defend. Ask one of them what they think about, say, gay marriages. If they don't spit in your face, you'd be fortunate.
The only way you're going to stop terror is to defeat the terrorists.
You in Canada have now won a major victory. But you can't rest on your laurels, because the damned terrorists won't rest.