Friday, January 27, 2006


Stephen Harper spent a few hours at hospital Thursday night with an asthma attack.
No doubt it was triggered by his first real whiff of the stench of the past 12 years.

Hamas -- the first 100 days

(A precision guided humour assignment)

Well, thanks to Jimm-uh Carter (aka Ex-President Peanut), Hamas has won the Palestinian election.
Our crack research team has acquired a double-secret copy of Hamas' plan for its first 100 days. Be forewarned -- this does get graphic...
1. Hamas will increase the virgins available for suicide bombers from 72 to 144... a truly gross development in more ways than one.
2. Hamas will attempt to starve out the Jews in Israel by cornering the market on gefilte fish and corned beef on rye.
3. Hamas will attempt to disrupt the trial of Saddam Hussein. Unfortunately, their attempt will lead to Saddam's death in a gunfight, when he is hit by a stray Hamas bullet.
4. Hamas will attempt to acquire Saddam's WMDs from Syria.
5. Hamas will spit on the grave of Nosir Arafat. It will spit back.
6. Hamas will attempt to professionalize its bomb-making industry. Unfortunately, this will blow up in their faces several times, leaving them disfigured.
7. Hamas will infiltrate the comments section at the Daily Kos as a new recruiting tool. At least 25 new recruits will come from this, but none will stay when they eventually understand that they will not survive a suicide bombing.
8. Hamas will succeed in kidnapping a prominent Israeli leader. Unfortunately for them, their only success will come via grave-robbing.
9. Hamas will build a mansion in south Georgia in honor of Jimm-uh Carter to be used as an official ex-President's home.
10. Hamas will build an operational headquarters in an opulent stretch of the Gaza strip, with unlimited beach access, and name it the Jimm-uh Carter Center for Explosive Politics.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

The spirit of conservatism

(or, note the small c)

The very excellent Canadianna, in taking off on a post from Raskolnikov from the also very excellent Dust My Broom team, gets credit for inspiring this post.

What the left doesn't understand about the Blogging Tories and its U.S. counterparts in the conservative blogosphere is that, as a group, we are all individuals.
We come from wildly diverse backgrounds and presently occupy wildly diverse positions in the socio-political-demographic sphere. We are committed Christians; we are atheists; we are still feeling our way toward what faith we may practice in the future. We are male and female, straight and gay, white collar and blue collar and pink collar. We are parents; we are childless; we are grandparents.
We are not bound to talking points. In fact, I suspect that 99 and 44/100 percent of us tend to revolt when told what to think or talk about. (And I'd suspect that a lot of us took to blogging because we **didn't** want to be told what to think or talk about.)
We don't agree on everything. (This may stun some on the left.) Some of those disagreements may be quite passionate (yeah, many of those are probably about sports teams).
What we do share, despite our differences, is a belief in the spirit of conservatism.
I think I can safely say that we respect the individual over the imposed-from-above collective, while acknowledging the value of the voluntary co-operative spirit.
I think I can safely say that we agree that government has certain responsibilities and certain items it should stay the (fill in your favourite bleep) out of.
I think I can also safely say that we don't trust people in power. Those who share our ideas, we might trust -- but we're sure as shootin' going to verify.
Warren Kinsella (you know how to find him) wondered on one of his posts what the Blogging Tories would do once the Conservatives formed a government.
I think he can find his answer by examining some of the more prominent U.S. conservative blogs. They certainly support President Bush in many of his endeavours, but on some issues, he's fair game.
Kinsella implied that the BTs were, in effect, professional naysayers with little to say.
I've not found that to be the case. In fact, I think quite the opposite is true. There is a virtual explosion of conservative ideas out there, coming from think tanks, blogs, the old reliable National Review axis, etc. The left cannot match that intellectual energy.
Some of the ideas are going to fall flat on their faces. Others could use a strong test before pushing forward. Still others are going to conflict.
But William F. Buckley, in recalling a speech he gave in his 1965 New York City mayoral campaign, made this point about his platform (as best I can recall it from his book The Unmaking of a Mayor):
"[My running mates] are free to disagree on particulars of this platform. Certainly, there are alternative ways of doing things, all within the spirit of conservatism."
So, Warren, I expect we'll continue testing our ideas, letting The Right. Hon. Mr. Harper know when he's drifting too far away from them, etc., etc., etc.
I expect we'll keep letting each other know when we're off base.
But we'll keep on keepin' on.
Suggestions, comments, additions welcomed.

Carnival redux again...

(The preceding headline was written by the Department of Redundancy Department)

Carnival of Satire is back. Or, more accurately, I've rejoined Mark's weekly extravaganza.

Also, the very wonderful Fitch is hosting the Life Begins at Carnival of Comedy 39. (That's not the real title. Go see it for yourself.)

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Upon further review...

The Liberal Party of Canada (also known as the Greater Toronto Party) is in a bit of a fix right now.
Paul Martin Jr., the vanquished prime minister, won't lead them into another election.
Who will step up to become the Official Opposition Leader in the Commons?
Whoever it is will be an interim choice, for sure, as there are too many candidates for the leadership role who will not have a seat in Parliament when the new Stephen Harper-led government takes office. (Now, there's a sentence to make the GTP gag, eh?) They most assuredly won't want to give a rival a leg up on the job by making that person the Official Face of the Loyal Opposition.
What's left?
Ralph Goodale? Nah, he's got his own problems with insider trading issues.
Joe Volpe? A potential leadership candidate. No chance.
Belinda Stronach? Ditto.
Scott Brison? Double ditto.
Michael Ignatieff? He was a Martin parachute; he's a potential leadership candidate; and he hasn't bothered to live in Canada for more than two decades. Three strikes. He's out.
What's left?
Jack Layton?

A fond farewell

So long, Mario Lemieux.
Even at 40, with years of maladies, the man could still play the game at quite a high level.
May you get through this latest battle.
And thanks for the memories.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Election thoughts

* When Paul Martin Jr. looked in the mirror this morning, he saw the reason for his party's loss of power Monday.
* Jack Layton still has a chance to steer the NDP into the staggered Liberal ship and sink it farther. But I have the feeling he doesn't really want to govern or have a legitimate chance to govern. This Parliament will be a real opportunity for the Dippers. (More on this later.)
* You know you don't have any ideas when your "star" candidate is an import who hasn't lived in your country for more than 20 years (Ignatieff).
* It's time to call the Liberal Party what it really is -- the Greater Toronto Party.
* You know you're in trouble when you lose power to a party that hasn't been in existence for three years.
* Angry is talking some kind of amnesty program for the Greater Toronto Party folks involved in the myriad scandals of the last 12 years. Sorry, Steve -- let's not talk about that until the charges are laid.
* By the way, where's the money Martin promised the Greater Toronto Party would pay?
* In a related note, Sheila Fraser is the forgotten hero of this election. And too bad Allan Cutler lost. But the Screech is gone (and Candace is tired from all the dancing she did about that).
* Warren Kinsella (you know where he is) wondered what the Blogging Tories would do if the Conservatives won, calling us "oppositional types." Warren missed one point -- the B.T.s are, as I read 'em, about ideas, not just opposition. Methinks he'll be surprised. After all, the CPC still has work to do -- a majority is still about 30 seats away.
* If you think Calgary (and, to a lesser extent, Edmonton) has been hot, you ain't seen nothin' yet (apologies to the Pegger-based BTO). The economic engines of Canada are running through Alberta, not Toronto. With the CPC's rise, the intellectual dynamic that propelled the CPC -- which was largely Alberta-based -- will also take off. Look out, tired old Toronto!
* What do the Maple Leafs, the Raptors and the Liberals have in common? They're all losers backed by Toronto.
Time to go see what everyone else is up to. (If they're up, that is...)

Monday, January 23, 2006

A day of destiny

By this time tomorrow, we'll probably have a good idea if there will be a Canada as presently constituted 10 years from now.
A Liberal win (even with a minority) sends Alberta and Quebec out the door.
Micromanaging Paul Martin has run the worst campaign since, oh, John Kerry was for it before he was against it in 2004. That's what Martin has sounded like the last week or two.
But the vote tomorrow could also do one thing: It could turn the Liberal Party into the Ontario Party.
We'll see, eh?