Friday, May 19, 2006

fmragtops for President

Yes, friends, we've decided to make an early endorsement for president in 2008. We're backing fmragtops, the pride of the bayou, on the Impaler Party ticket. Go check out his campaign and his Presidential Carnival of Comedy.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Where's the money?

All that money for Canada's gun registry?
And the Liberals claim they're broke?
This is one house, Mr. Cotler, that deserves to be burned to the ground and rebuilt.

Lighter than usual

Friends, things will be light for a spell as I'm working on a major project, The 21st Century So Far.
Some of it you've seen before in posts here. Some of it first appeared in somewhat different form. Some of it is brand new.
I intend to open up a new site when I get far enough into the project to present it (keeping the current one, of course) and would welcome your observations.
either orr

Monday, May 15, 2006

Hillary: More foot-in-mouth disease

Hillary strikes again...
NEW YORK -- After telling an audience that young people today "think work is a four-letter word," Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton said she apologized to her daughter.
"I said, 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to convey the impression that you don't work hard,'" Clinton said Sunday in a commencement address at Long Island University. "I just want to set the bar high, because we are in a competition for the future."
Clinton spoke to more than 2,000 graduates days after she criticized young people at a gathering of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce in Washington.
In those remarks, she said young people have a sense of entitlement after growing up in a "culture that has a premium on instant gratification."
The senator said that her daughter, Chelsea, phoned to complain after learning about the comments. The 26-year-old was hired in 2003 by McKinsey & Co. as a consultant, reportedly for a six-figure salary. She received a master's degree from Oxford University after graduating from Stanford University in 2001.
"She called and she said, 'Mom, I do work hard and my friends work hard,'" Clinton said Sunday.
New York's junior senator, who is up for re-election this year, also told the graduates she plans to introduce a bill that would help college students manage and repay their loans. The proposal would limit loan payments to a certain percentage of their incomes, she said.
Hey, Hillary, tell that to my 16-year-old son, who works part-time at a sandwich shop. Tell that to my 16-year-old nephew, who works part-time in a machine shop. Tell that to my other 16-year-old nephew, who works part-time in an auto body shop. By the way, all three of them are regular honor roll visitors.
Hey, Hillary, tell that to my 14-year-old daughter, who's going to work as a junior lifeguard this summer. Tell that to my 19-year-old niece, who holds down a part-time job while going to college full-time. Tell that to my 24-year-old nephew, who holds down two jobs while pursuing his graduate degree and a job in his field.
Hey, Hillary, join the real world.
We won't forget in 2008, darlin.'

Presidential news conference

Distinguished sounding chap:
The President of the United States.
Thank ya. I’m here tonight to announce a special new program. As you know, the price of gasoline has gone through the roof. I can’t hardly afford to fill up my SUV, and, as you know, as president, I make a lot of money. So I can only imagine what this is doing to you. We’ve gotta do something about this, to reduce our addiction to oil from that greasy Ahmahdenijihad fellow in Iran. So I’ve ordered the scientists in the Energy Department to immediately begin work on developing an alternative fuel made from sewage. We’ve got tons of it produced every single day across this great nation of ours. So it only makes sense that we try to use this natural resource. We’ll have experimental plants up and running in 90 days in New York, Washington, Boston and Hollywood and we hope we’ll be producing enough fuel to power fully one-half of our nation’s cars by 2008. Questions.
Reporter 1:
Gregory David, Channel 299 News. Why New York, Washington, Boston and Hollywood?
Well, Gregory, there’s a saying we have down in Texas. Go where the action is. In this case, we have to go where the crap is. And our experts have informed me that those three places have the greatest concentration of pure, unadulterated crap in the country. That’ll reduce our transportation costs.
Reporter 1:
Following up, Mr. President. Will more plants be built in the so-called Red States?
Well, Gregory, we’ve found that things are generally not as crappy there, so it’s not the most efficient thing we can do right now. Perhaps in the future, but we’ve gotta make sure this will work.
Reporter 2:
Jim Jones, Washington Post Toasties. What kind of Kool-Aid have you been drinking, Mr. President? What makes you think this will succeed?
Jim, we’re not 99 and 44/100ths percent sure that it will work. But we’re darn close to that sure.
Reporter 2:
Following up, Mr. President. Why is Channel 299 News the only news we can watch here in the White House?
It’s because you’re too darned lazy to get up and change the channel. Next question.
Reporter 3:
Helen Thomas, Dead Reporter Walking. Have you informed Mr. Ahmadenijad of your intentions? If not, why not?
Helen, darlin’, he’s hearing about it as you’re hearing about it. But we do have some top-secret plans for some of the sewage we’ll be processing in our treatment plants.
Reporter 3:
Mr. President, are you saying that you are developing sewage bombs to drop on Iran?
They don’t need any more sewage, they’re so full of it.
Distinguished sounding chap:
Thank you.
Channel 299 News now presents, as it does after every presidential news conference, Talking Heads with an analysis of the President’s address.
David Byrne:
Letting the days go by, let the sewage hold me down
Letting the days go by, sewage flowing underground
Into the blue again once the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime, sewage flowing underground.
That’s our Talking Heads report on the president’s news conference. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming on Channel 299, where there’s always something on.

Ask away, ask away...

Basil, the host of the Blog Interviews, will be interviewing yours truly next month. Please to give him some ammunition here.