Friday, March 10, 2006

The Jay Bennish School of Modern Geography

Welcome to the Jay Bennish School of Modern Geography.
I'm your founder, Jay Bennish.
As you know, I recently ran into trouble at my former place of employment because of my modernized views of the subject of geography.
Thanks to a grant from and George Psoriasis, I now have been able to open my own school of geography education, one in which the constraints of reality are no longer binding, where students can learn about the "real" world in "real" time, both online and in our modern facility in a bomb shelter just outside Telluride, Colorado.
Here is a sample of the learning you will receive at the Jay Bennish School of Modern Geography:

This is a map of Nazi Germany. It is an evil empire whose goals include world domination, extermination of those who disagree with it, environmental degradation, racial segregation, military madness, sexism of the highest order, and so much more.

This is a map of Freedonia, land of the brave and free, where there is never a need for dissent because everything is just perfect for everyone. There is no poverty, no illness, no evil desire to dominate others through rank regulations, et cetera.

For more information on the Jay Bennish School of Modern Geography, please call 1-666-NUTBALL or e-mail imawhackjob@nothere.zz



If you have any questions of either orr or the cracked research team here, leave them in the comments at this post.

Question period

It's time for something this blog hasn't done, whilst searching for a temporarily misplaced case of teh funny.
Questions. About me. About the kids. About the blog. About life. About the philosophy of underprivileged Latvian gzorps.
Ask 'em in the comments.
I'll answer 'em.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Who are these guys?

Who is Niko Dimitrakos? Who is Denis Gauthier?
Actually, I'm aware of both, as a hockey nut.
And they are the newest Flyers, acquired at the trade deadline.
No Recchi. No Jokinen. No Samsonov.
But, for a change, Bob "Let's Make A Deal" Clarke didn't ship away the future for a run at the now. R.J. Umberger's staying; so are Jeff Carter, Mike Richards, Freddy Meyer and Randy Jones.
So, what does all this mean for Flyers fans?
One fan's opinion:
1. Donald Brashear's days as a Flyers regular are basically done. The big guy hasn't adjusted well to the new NHL, and I suspect his meltdown against the Rangers clinched his fate.
2. Expect promising rookies Carter and Umberger to be paired with veteran Petr Nedved, who has played quite well since the Olympic break, on a Flyers' second line.
3. When Michal Handzus returns, he moves into a line between Sami Kapanen and fellow Slovak Branko Radivojevic.
4. Richards goes to a mixed-bag line with veteran Brian Savage and newcomer Dimitrakos. Then, when you add the top line of Forsberg-Gagne-Knuble, there's no room for Brashear or too-often-hurt Turner Stevenson. Hey, Ben Eager showed more than either veteran did and Eager wasn't supposed to be NHL-ready until next season.
5. Gauthier's real value is as a third-pair, 12-15 minutes a game hitter who can play more (and may have to if Derian Hatcher's knee bruise will require an extended absence). If Kim Johnsson can't come back (and from what I'm reading and hearing, I don't know that he can come back this season), Gauthier and Meyer become the third pair, behind Hatcher-Eric Desjardins and Mike Rathje-Joni Pitkanen. If Johnsson can return, Gauthier would be a good complement.
6. The Flyers didn't give up a core player, or a real prospect... Josh Gratton, who went to Phoenix in the Gauthier deal, is probably a career minor-league enforcer.
Dimitrakos could be a surprise for Flyers fans, since they see so little of the Pacific Division. He's still young (26), inexpensive (a factor with the salary cap) and plays both ends of the rink reasonably well. His arrival almost ensures that Savage won't be back next year, barring a remarkable streak down the homestretch or in the playoffs. Eager will be ready to move up to the NHL then.
Did Clarke trade for a Cup?
Not this year, I don't think.
Next year, however, is another story, and I really think next year is where the Flyers' brass is looking to.
Or so I hope.

Carnival of Comedy 45 is HERE!!!

Yes, ladies and germs, the 45th edition of the Carnival of Comedy is at hand.
Now, 45 has a number of different connotations, which we shall explore during the intercourse of ideas to be expounded here.
Enough of the preliminaries; let's laugh...

The Colt .45 division
This set is as hot as a pistol, especially after a shooting match between CUG and Wyatt Earp (neither of whom offered any material this week -- the guns must still be hot).
* Seaspook at Seaspook's Rants presents Genetic Engineering Produces the Ultimate Politician. Warning: This may make some conservatives ill.
* Vilmar at Right Wing Howler presents I Could Watch This Over and Over. I did. I'm still laughing.
* Buckley F. Williams at The Nose On Your Face presents Jay Bennish To Critics: "I Made It To The Show Baby!". Liberal geography, 2006 style.
* The Evil Emperor Mindstation at Point Five presents Anti-Terrorism Device: Prototype 19D. Memo to Donald Rumsfeld: Get working on this posthaste.
* Peakah at Peakah's Provocations presents I'm really feelin the Love. The laments a bachelor hears, eh?
* Dr. Phat Tony at Dr. Phat Tony's presents Save Jill! Guaranteed to get your goat.
* UPDATE: Some tech issues at my end have been resolved. FIAR at Radioactive Liberty presents Warning.

45 rpm Hot Wax division
Rising up the charts with bullets every one...
* Tommy at Striving For Average presents The Yale Taliban. No one is quite sure why Yale has a Taliban. Come, Mr. Taliban, tally me bananas.
* Damian G. at Conservathink presents 78th Annual Academy Awards, or George Clooney is a massive prick. Recorded and blogged live. Warning: Language issues, as the esteemed Damian G. himself reported. Me? Doesn't bother me.
* Peace Moonbeam at The Peace Moonbeam Chronicles presents Hare Trigger. What would happen if this would happen?
* Patriot Xeno at Right Hand of God presents 100% Accurate Tips for Guys on How to Talk to Other Guys About the Other Guy's New Baby. Been there, done that, on target.
* Avant News at Avant News presents Study Proves Universe Created By Committee. Take that, Charles Darwin.
* Dean Swift at A Swiftian Rant presents The Flavor Was So Bad. How bad was it? Go find out.
* Kim C at Life in a Shoe: the methods and madness of one mother of 7 presents I'm Sorry, Are You Being Funny? Wow.
* Citizen Grim at Right Hand of God presents Excessive Force At Ohio University! I actually know where Ohio University is. Few others do, including some who graduated from it.
* Pickaxe Pete at The Bodie Specter presents Shameless. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

45-degree angle division
Definitely skewed, but not stewed...
* Dyre42 at Dyre Portents presents Smoke and Mirrors. The mirrors may be a tad hazy.
* Chris Carlisle at The Platypus Society presents Virtual High Five Simulator. Surreal.
* Ssssteve at First With Flair, the only fellow I know whose computer stutters, presents Funny stuff till I can come up with something serious!!
* K T Cat at The Scratching Post presents Appeasement by Example. Well scratched.
* Another feline, Ferdinand T. Cat at Conservative Cat, the father of the Carnival Submission Form, presents Bruce Learns How to be a Good Employee. As Ferdy explains, it wasn't easy.
* Nuke at Mondo Blog presents Mondo Goes to the Library. A sci-fi thriller.
* From north of the border comes lecentre at Centrerion, who presents Canada Will Beat the Taliban - Quip of the Day. This is not a fantasy entry, eh?
* J.C. Wilmore at The Richmond Democrat presents Richmond Democrat felled by Infuenza, Scotch. Gotta watch that, J.C. That influenza will ruin a good bottle of Scotch every time.
* Big Picture Guy at Big Picture, Small Office presents You Don't Say. Leave 'em laughing.

Mandatory adverts
Of course, you should always remember the godfathers of the Carnival, IMAO.
Next week, Carnival of Comedy 46, will be hosted by Ben's Rants and Raves.
Carnival of Comedy 47 can be found in two weeks at Steve the Pirate.

And remember, leave a comment if you liked something, didn't like something, or ate a dead chicken.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Finally, a review

Fellow blogger Frank Trainor is an accomplished songwriter and a conservative thinker, a rare combination these days.
And he's got a good album (yeah, I can't write CD yet, even after all these years) called Grace and Gravity.
emusic tags it as country-folk. I guess if you have to categorize it, that's probably as good as it gets. But there's some rock'n'roll edge to some of the tunes.
Personal faves:
"The Taste of Your Own Poison": This needs to be done live to really get the full impact of it, with a cookin' band behind him. This has got to be a kick-butt stage tune.
"Sanity Zone": Had a hard time getting this one out of my head and it's still not gone. This belongs on the radio.
"A Buck Is A Buck": Probably the most biting cut... midtempo rocker with some great lyrics. Another radio tune, fer sure.
"Torn and Twisted": Another song that needs to be done live with a hot band.
"Highland Avenue" is a look back. You get the feeling you can go home again, even if it's just going to be a visit.
There's not a weak cut on the set, though. Even the ones that haven't stuck in the cranium are worth listening to.
Well done, Frank.

Fun in colij

The fine students at Hood College in Maryland need a lesson in gender.
The students elected a homecoming king recently. She is a lesbian...
FREDERICK, Md. -- Hood College is reviewing its homecoming rules after a lesbian was crowned king, a college official said.
Jennifer Jones, the 21-year-old senior who beat out three men for the honor, said the crowning was a positive step for the private liberal arts college.
"It is cool that Hood allows people to be themselves," Jones told The Frederick News-Post. "If people didn't want me to be king, they wouldn't have nominated me and voted for me."
Jones, of Newark, Del., received 64 of 169 votes cast for king last month.

According to the U.S. News and World Report's annual guide to colleges, there are 1,027 students at Hood.
Which means that fewer than one in six actually gave enough of a hoot about a homecoming king to even vote.
Of those, fewer than 40 percent backed the winner.
Still, a gender lesson is appropriate.
I mean, it's not King Elizabeth, is it?
Meanwhile, in the Great White North, a campus newspaper has riled folks with a blatantly anti-Christian cartoon... published in the same edition in which the newspaper proudly declared its refusal to publish the Mohammed cartoons. Kate has all the details... along with a "sort of" explanation buried deep in the comments from the cartoon's author.
I don't have time or the sufficient sanity after the irrationality which I have been reading all morning to respond to everything on here, but I will say this. You missed every point possible.

Also, if you truly believe that fanatics are representational of all Muslims, then please, reconsider your thoughts and stop being a hypocrate.
Later, Y!ph (really!) kind of apologizes...
I'll apologize formally right now to all of you for the mistake. Hopefully we can all now address our concerns to the person truly responsible, and that is myself. Also - hopefully this can remain civil, and those concerns can be concise, and not repetative. Furthermore, hopefully everyone who has made unnecessary remarks to entirely innocent individuals and groups, as well as slanderous comments towards liberals, so-called leftists, and especially the writers of The Sheaf and everyone connected to the institution.
Can you say idiot?