Friday, May 26, 2006

The Wilsons...

Announcer:
Keeping the world safe for socialist and fascist tyrants and liberals of all stripes, it’s the Wilsons. Starring Susan Sarandon as Valerie Plame Wilson and Tim Robbins as Joe Wilson.
[Scene: Wilsons at the kitchen table at breakfast]
Valerie:
Today, Joe, honey, you’ve got to get in touch with Ketchup Boy.
Joe:
Val, darlin’, why do we have to use all this spy talk in the house?
Valerie:
Joe, I’ve told you before. You know Karl Rove is monitoring our conversations here. We’d do that to him if we could. That’s what spies do.
Joe:
Still, darlin’, it seems kind of silly. After all, the whole world knows you’re a spy for Mr. Big.
Valerie:
Just don’t forget to reach out to Ketchup Boy. Tell him the yellow cake got left out in the rain and it’s washed away. No problemos.
Joe:
Wait a minute. Ketchup Boy doesn’t speak Spanish. I know problemos is Spanish.
Valerie:
You forget, Joe, honey. His wife speaks Spanish. She can translate that for him. Mr. Big was a perfect matchmaker for that one, huh?
Joe:
Yeah, even though she’s a bit of a nutball.
Valerie:
That’s her cover, Joe. Now don’t forget to tell Ketchup Boy what I told you. Use the pay phone in Arlington. The one by the cemetery. It’s clear.
Joe:
Gotcha, darlin.’ [stands up] Remember, I gotta do that story for the Times today. See ya later. [leaves]
Valerie:
Love ya, stud muffin.
---------
[scene: a phone booth in Reston, Virginia]
Valerie:
Plame Wilson reporting, sir.
Mr. Big:
How are you, Valerie?
Valerie:
I’ve been better, sir. It doesn’t seem that we are getting very far. Everything we’ve tried seems to last for only about 15 minutes.
Mr. Big:
I know. It’s the luck of Andy Warhol. Fifteen minutes of attention and then, poof! It’s gone. They thought Ronald Reagan was Teflon. This guy is 10 times the Teflon old Ronald, rest his soul, ever was.
Valerie:
What’s our next step, sir?
Mr. Big:
I’ve got three assignments for you. It’s going to mean losing your shallow cover, but it’s going to be necessary for the good of our program.
Valerie:
As you say, sir. What is required of me?
Mr. Big:
First, you must reach out to our friends at the Grey Lady. One of them will contact you. It’s got to come out about where you draw your paychecks. The person who contacts you will be one of ours. You will know when she mentions the name of Scooter that she is the one you must inform.
Valerie:
Consider it done, sir.
Mr. Big:
Also, a gentleman from Chicago will be reaching out to you. He, too, will let you know that he is the one by his use of the phrase Scooter. Do what he advises you to do.
Valerie:
Again, consider it done, sir.
Mr. Big:
The third duty requires you to reach out to the girl named Charlie. She is a colleague of yours, I believe.
Valerie:
I do see her from time to time, yes, sir.
Mr. Big:
She will have the assignment of exposing the places where our operatives are being kept in hiding in Europe. She has more knowledge of that than you, I am led to understand.
Valerie:
Yes, that is her field of expertise, sir.
Mr. Big:
You are to tell her that two gentlemen from the Toasties and two gentlemen from the Grey Lady will be contacting her. All four gentlemen are instructed to use the code phrase Gitmo Europe. When she hears that phrase, she is to disclose to them all of the information they request.
Valerie:
I may see her today, sir. Should I pass this information on then?
Mr. Big:
Today or tomorrow, Valerie. But please, by week’s end.
Valerie:
Again, consider it done, sir.
Mr. Big:
And how is Joe doing?
Valerie:
The amiable dunce is well, sir.
Mr. Big:
He was chosen not for his intellect, Valerie, but for his ability to keep you happy.
Valerie:
He does, sir [giggles embarrassingly]. He does.
Mr. Big:
That’s good. Good luck, Valerie.
Valerie:
Thank you, sir.
---------
Announcer:
Next, on The Wilsons:
Valerie:
Joe, honey, would you reach out to your friends at the Grey Lady? Tell them there’s something they should know.
Announcer:
The Wilsons is a moron.org production.

Ugly George strikes again

George Galloway, the British MP and noted Saddam apologist and oil-for-food profiteer, has done it again...
LONDON (AP) - Maverick British politician George Galloway has said it would be "morally justified" for an assassin to target Tony Blair but that he was not advocating such an attempt on the prime minister's life, according to a magazine interview.
In comments published in GQ magazine on Friday, Galloway was quoted as saying an attack on Blair that caused no other casualties would be a justifiable response to the war in Iraq.
"It would be entirely logical and explicable - and morally equivalent to ordering the deaths of thousands of innocent people in Iraq as Blair did," the magazine quoted Galloway as saying.
However, Galloway added that if he knew anyone was planning such an attack, he would inform the police.

As to comment, Blair's official spokesman replied: "I think it's best that we say nothing."
"We may say nothing, but we think plenty," added the spokesman, who was contacted by telephone in Washington where Blair met with U.S. President George W. Bush.
Galloway was kicked out of Blair's Labour party for urging British soldiers not to fight in Iraq. He subsequently won a new seat in the House of Commons last year as founder of the Respect party.

What is most interesting:
Galloway was in Cuba and not immediately available to confirm that he made the comments.
The bastard.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Dressing for Dhimmis

Given that Iran has declared its intentions to take over the civilised world, it's now also preparing programs to show us how we're going to live in the future. From Teheran TV comes this new programme:

Announcer:
Welcome to Dressing for Dhimmis, your best chance to prepare your wardrobe for the future under Islam. Here’s your host, Mahmoud Ahmahdenijihad.
Mahmoud:
Thank you, Abdul al-Wahhabi, audience, but remember, all glory goes to…
Audience:
Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah!
Mahmoud:
Yes, indeed, brothers in the Qu’ran. But let’s show our future subjects how they will dress. Let’s bring out our first model with the daytime burqa.
[A very slender model emerges]
Announcer:
This stunning burqa in blood-red matches exquisitely with this deep purple gown. It is well within the bounds of decency so lacking in the West.
Mahmoud:
Yes, indeed, Abdul. And for that, we give all glory to…
Audience:
Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah!
Mahmoud:
Indeed. But our model here looks ill. We do not have such thin people in Iran. She looks like a poster child for the poverty of the West. Ahmed [a burly bodyguard type emerges], take her and put her on a diet of two goats a day. And tell our producer not to hire such a waif like her again. We need healthy models to properly display the fashions of the future, a future filled with…
Audience:
Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah!
Mahmoud:
We’ll return with a look at evening wear in Dressing for Dhimmis.
Audience:
Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah!
---------
Band (to tune of Rock the Casbah by the Clash):
Bombing the barracks, bomb the barracks.
Great Satan won’t like it.
Bombing the barracks, bomb the barracks.
Announcer:
What a classic that was. Now, for the first time on one CD, you can get Hezbollah’s Greatest Hits. Remember such classics as “Blasted in Gaza,” “Terror in Tel Aviv,” “Jerusalem Blues” and “Suicide is Painless”…
Band (to tune of the Theme from M*A*S*H):
Suicide is painless,
When in great Allah’s service.
Six dozen virgins wait at heaven’s door.
Announcer:
And there’s so much more. Classics like “Hell in Haifa,” “Flood of Blood,” and so much more. Yours now, for the first time on one CD, for just $19.99. Order now.
Second announcer:
Call 1-555-JIHADIST. That’s 1-555-JIHADIST. Operators are standing by.
--------
Announcer:
We now return to Dressing for Dhimmis with Mahmoud Ahmahdenijihad.
Mahmoud:
Thank you, Abdul. As promised, it’s time for a classic evening burqa that will most assuredly bring the glory to…
Audience:
Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah!
Announcer:
Our evening burqa is a light purple, coordinated perfectly with the virginal white of the gown. An appropriate outfit for dining, going to evening prayers to…
Audience:
Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah!
Announcer:
And so much more.
Mahmoud:
Ah, this model is more like it. Much healthier. And quite ravishing in white.
Model:
This outfit is not for me.
Mahmoud:
Do you not wish to be desirable in the eyes of…
Audience:
Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah!
Model:
Let me speak this way. Sir, are you married?
Mahmoud:
Yes, I am.
Model:
It is surprising.
Mahmoud:
May I ask why you say that?
Model:
Yes. A good Muslim woman would never touch a pig.
Mahmoud (outraged):
Ahmed, take her away now!
[Ahmed and Abdul drag the model away, kicking and screaming]
Well, next time on Dressing for Dhimmis, we’ll have that model back to show what you wear to your execution. I’m Mahmoud Ahmahdenijihad. Join me again next time, when Dressing for Dhimmis give the glory to…
Audience:
Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah!
Announcer:
Dressing for Dhimmis is an Ayatolldyaso Production.