There's another Muslim cartoon...

This one comes from Signe Wilkinson of the Philadelphia Daily News, published Wednesday 4-26-06...
When will the firestorm come?

It's Thursday...

And the prof from London has delivered another stirring Carnival of Satire, in which your host here is featured.
Also, thanks go to Ferdy for linking Whose Country Is It Anyway (see below).

Softwood: In the home stretch

Hate to say I told you so, but...
TORONTO (CP) - Canadian and United States officials are closing in on a framework agreement that could finally resolve the long-standing softwood lumber dispute, sources said late Monday.
All it took was a government in Ottawa that was interested in a resolution, not posturing.
With Mr Harper, Canada has that government. And the deal will get done.
Another reason to have voted Conservative.
UPDATE: Late Wednesday, the framework was in place...
VANCOUVER (CP) - Canada and the United States took a major step Wednesday to end their three-decade trade war over lumber, hammering out a framework for negotiating a long-term deal that would exchange punitive U.S. duties for a managed-trade regime.
The goal is to provide certainty for Canada's $10-billion annual softwood lumber export business after years of costly legal fights with its American competitors, backed by the U.S. government.

Whose country is this, anyway?

Subtitled: Songs of the Undocumented Worker
One of my favorite TV shows (a short list, believe me) is Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I’ve been a fan of both the original English version and the Drew Carey American version. Both are quite good.
The cracked research team here at either orr, though, has discovered an unaired sequence of the show that will absolutely knock your socks off.
Clive Anderson, the host of the Brit version, does a special guest turn in this piece as the host, with Drew Carey, Ryan Stiles, Colin Mochrie and Wayne Brady taking on the challenge.
Here, courtesy of the transcription staff here, is the complete, unexpurgated (no 18-minute gaps in the tape) routine.
-----
Clive:
Now, the star challenge of the night is to come up an infomercial for songs of the undocumented worker. Ryan and Colin will be the announcers, Wayne and Drew will sing.
Ryan:
You know, Colin, illegal immigrants don’t have it so tough.
Colin:
Yes, I know, Ryan, and we’ve even found the songs they’re singing as the work their way through America. And we’ve got ‘em all in Songs of the Undocumented Worker, with the biggest stars in the music world contributing their talents to this masterpiece.
Ryan:
And we’ve got samples of these great tunes. Here’s Phil Collins…
Wayne:
It’s such fun being an illegal alien, I gotta tell you
It’s such fun being an illegal alien, there’s millions of us
It’s such fun being an illegal alien, we’re taking over
Colin:
Yes, and even the Boss himself has an offering…
Drew:
My son was born in the USA,
He was born in the USA,
Now they have to let me stay ’cause he was
Born in the USA.
Colin:
David Crosby and Graham Nash teamed up to present this little ditty for Songs of the Undocumented Worker…
Wayne and Drew (in some sort of harmony):
I’ve gotten in, immigration man
And I’ve got you by the balls
Watch me runnin’ down your halls
Ryan:
Even the dead are coming back to life for this special event.
Colin:
No.
Ryan:
Yes. Here’s the late country legend Marty Robbins…
Drew:
Down in the west Texas town of El Paso
I fell in love with a Mexican girl
Nobody told me that she was illegal
Now I must spend the next three years in jail
Colin:
Now where do the proceeds of this go, Ryan?
Ryan:
All proceeds from Songs of the Undocumented Worker go to the NACLU.
Colin:
The NACLU?
Ryan:
Yes, the Non-American Civil Liberties Union. It’s the adjunct of the ACLU for the undocumented worker.
Colin:
Are our documents in order? After all, we’re Canadians.
Ryan:
Yes, they are. Now, here’s another selection from a new band called Ozma…
Wayne:
I’m in the truck
There’s dozens of us stuffed in here
Can’t stand up, no room to sit down
no turning back to this country town
But I’m comin to you, my brown-eyed girl
Soon I'll be in your American world
Colin:
John Prine is one of the unknown legends of music. He’s joined the chorus for Songs of the Undocumented Worker…
Drew:
You may see me tonight with an illegal girl
She don’t cost very much, but she lasts a long while
Won’t you please tell the man I didn’t kill anyone
I’m just tryin’ to have me some fun.
Ryan:
Colin, this is such an exciting record. Even Led Zeppelin has reunited for this event…
Wayne:
We come from the land free of Taco Bell,
Where there is no work and it’s hot as hell.
How soft your fields so green,
Can whisper tales of Al Gore,
Of how we turned the tides of war.
We are your overlords.
On we sweep, your border porous,
Our only goal will be the western shores.
Colin:
And how much more soulful can you get than James Brown?
Wayne:
Living in America - not Mexico, I’m in a real nation
Living in America - I won’t get caught, I’m filled with elation
Living in America - got to have a celebration
Ryan:
We’ve even gotten Freddy Fender from the country scene to add to the Songs of the Undocumented Worker…
Drew:
I know it’s tough in a strange land
I got my money to the man
And I’m headin’ north tonight
Everything will be all right
And I'll be there
Before the next teardrop falls
Colin:
You know, there’s another side to this. But the undocumented workers can laugh at the people such as the Minutemen. We’ve even brought the Eagles to sing the Minuteman’s Lament…
Drew:
Oh, ooh, I’m out on the border
I just got hit with a fine
Don’t you tell me ’bout your law and order
When there’s millions crossin’ the line
Ryan:
But, Colin, no collection of Songs of the Undocumented Worker is complete without Motown.
Colin:
You’re right, Ryan, so here’s Smokey Robinson and the Miracles…
Wayne on lead, Drew on background:
Goin’ to the U.S. (Yes, I am now)
Goin’ to the U.S. (baby, come on now)
It doesn’t matter if you go stag
It doesn’t matter if you go drag
It’s just the place to go, come on and join the show
Most every trucker that you flag is
Goin’ to the U.S. (ooh ooh ee ee)
Goin’ to the U.S. (Vicente says it’s cool)
Dontcha wanna go?
Ryan:
It’s so good, and it’s all yours -- for just $39.99.
Colin:
That’s all?
Ryan:
No, Colin. There’s more. If you call now 1-976-ILLEGAL, you’ll get a free bonus disc, Songs of the Democratic Presidential Candidates.
Colin:
With this classic from the Plastic Ono Band…
Drew:
One, two, three, four
Everybody's talking about
Silly Billy and his Hilly
Scary Kerry, Rheingold Feingold,
Time and Warner, gobble, gobble, gobble…
All we are saying is give Dean a chance,
All we are saying is give Dean a chance
Ryan:
There’s this New York classic…
Wayne:
My man is Feingold, the right man
Think of Feingold if you want to win, man
He’s refreshing, not sweet
He’s the Democrats’ treat
Won’t you try extra dry Feingold here?
Colin:
And Tommy Boyce and Bobby Hart and the Monkees chime in…
Drew:
There’s a girl who wants the White House in 2008.
And I hope she gets it, cause I know that she‘ll be great.
They call her Hillary.
I love my Hillary.
Ryan:
Yes, these and more for no extra charge for just $39.99 when you order Songs of the Undocumented Worker. Here’s more from the bonus disc from Bobby Freeman and Bette Midler…
Wayne:
Do you Warner dance into the White House,
Throw the Bushies out into the night?
Oh Baby, do you Warner dance?
Colin:
And Neil Diamond is part of this fabulous bonus collection…
Drew:
He’s the right man, Yes, yes he is
Ah, the man’s outta sight, yeah
Says the right things, Yes, yes he does
And he’ll do them all right, yeah
He got the way to move me, Kerry
He got the way to groove me, Kerry baby
All right.
Ryan:
Just think. Songs of the Undocumented Worker and Songs of the Democratic Presidential Candidates, all yours for just $39.99.
Colin:
Call now, 1-976-ILLEGAL.
Ryan:
That’s 1-976-ILLEGAL.
Colin, Ryan, Drew and Wayne together:
Remember, 1-976-ILLEGAL. Call NOW!
Clive:
That was tremendous. No points.

Reworking a classic

Heard an old Genesis tune the other day, and immediately decided its lyrics were sadly and badly outdated.
So, as a service to a pretty good band, the cracked research team here at either orr has come up with a fresher, more realistic and more accurate set of lyrics.
Now, for your dancing and listening pleasure, enjoy "Illegal Alien 2006":

Got out of bed, and I’m feeling too good
With my wallet and fake passport, a new pair of shoes
The sun is shining so I head for the park,
With a bottle of tequila, and a new pack of cigarettes

I got a cousin and she got a friend,
Who thought that her aunt knew a man who could help
At his apartment I knocked on the door,
He wouldn’t come out until he got paid.

Everybody knows what I’m gonna do
The way things are now, you know I’ll get through, cos

It's such fun being an illegal alien, I gotta tell ya
It's such fun being an illegal alien

Down at the office had to fill out the forms
A pink one, a red one, the colours you choose,
Up to the counter to see what they think
They said it doesn’t count man, it ain’t written in ink.
But it doesn‘t matter; I‘m going, you see, cos

It's such fun being an illegal alien, I tell ya
It's such fun being an illegal alien, yeah yeah yeah yeah
It's such fun being an illegal alien, there’s millions of us
It's such fun being an illegal alien, An illegal alien, o.k.

Consideration for your fellow man
Would not hurt anybody, it sure fits in with my plan
Over the border, there lies the promised land
Where everything comes easy, you just hold out your hand

Keep your suspicions, I’ve seen that look before
But I ain’t done nothing wrong now, is that such a surprise
But I’ve got a sister who’ll help get me free
If I’m ever in trouble, I can count on Hillary

Everybody knows what I’m gonna do
The way things are now, you know I’ll get through, cos

It's such fun being an illegal alien, I tell ya
It's such fun being an illegal alien, there’s millions of us
It's such fun being an illegal alien, yeah yeah yeah yeah
It's such fun being an illegal alien, yeah yeah yeah

It's such fun (big time fun) being an illegal alien, I tell ya that
It's such fun being an illegal alien, I tell ya
It's such fun being an illegal alien, there’s millions of us
It's such fun (you won‘t believe it) being an illegal alien,
It's such fun being an illegal alien, and that’s what I am.

UPDATE: Thanks to Basil for linking this.