Hard to believe, Harry, but already there's a musical in the works on the life of that no-good Zarqawi, the terrorist leader who met his maker this past week.
"Zarqawi!" is being produced by moron.org and will star Alec Baldwin as Zarqawi and Barbra Streisand as Sharia, his girlfriend.
Here's the story, as we have it...
---
In a small town in Jordan, a rakish sort known as Zarqawi has caught the eye of a fetching Islamic lass name of Sharia. She sings this song for him...
(You're not a kid anymore, You're not a kid anymore)
When people ask of me what would you like to be
Now that you’re not a kid anymore
(You're not a kid anymore)
I know just what to say. I answer right away.
There's just one thing I've been wishing for...
I want to be Zarqawi's girl. I want to be Zarqawi's girl. That's the most important thing to me...
And if I was Zarqawi's girl. If I was Zarqawi's girl. What a faithful, thankful girl I'd be
Each night I sit at home hoping that he will phone
But I know Zarqawi has someone else
(You're not a kid anymore)
Still in my heart I pray there soon will come the day
When I will have him all to myself...
I want to be Zarqawi's girl. I want to be Zarqawi's girl. That's the most important thing to me...
And if I was Zarqawi's girl. If I was Zarqawi's girl. What a faithful, thankful girl I'd be
I want to be Zarqawi's girl
I want to be Zarqawi's girl
I want to be Zarqawi's girl
Zarqawi, being a bit of a cad, composes this tune to sing to Sharia...
The most beautiful sound I ever heard:
Sharia, Sharia, Sharia, Sharia . . .
All the beautiful sounds of the world in a single word . .
Sharia, Sharia, Sharia, Sharia . . .
Sharia!
I've just met a girl named Sharia,
And suddenly that name will never be the same to me.
Sharia!
I've just kissed a girl named Sharia,
And suddenly I've found how wonderful a sound can be!
Sharia!
Say it loud and there's music playing, say it soft and it's almost like praying.
Sharia,
I'll never stop saying Sharia!
The most beautiful sound I ever heard.
Sharia.But, for his buddies on the Arab street, here's how he sang about the lady...
Ooh my little pretty one, pretty one.
When you gonna give me some time, Sharia?
Ooh you make my motor run, my motor run.
Gun it comin' off the line Sharia
Never gonna stop, give it up.
Such a dirty mind. Always get it up for the touch
of the younger kind. My my my i yi woo. M M M My Sharia...
Come a little closer huh, ah will ya huh.
Close enough to look in my eyes, Sharia.
Keeping it a mystery gets to me
Running down the length of my thighs, Sharia
Never gonna stop, give it up. Such a dirty mind.
Always get it up for the touch
of the younger kind. My my my i yi woo. M M M My Sharia...
When you gonna give it to me, give it to me.
It is just a matter of time Sharia
Is it just destiny, destiny?
Or is it just a game in my mind, Sharia?
Never gonna stop, give it up.
Such a dirty mind. Always get it up for the touch
of the younger kind. My my my i yi woo. M M M My Sharia...
Well, they eventually hooked up and started a family. But something else captured Zarqawi's attention. The Islamic Revolution. Soon, he was spending more and more time hanging out with terrorists and singing this tune...
Revolution rock, it is a brand new rock
A bad, bad rock, this here revolution rock
Careful how you move, mac, you dig me in me back
An’ I’m so hyped up that I rattle
I have got the sharpest knife, so I cut the biggest slice
I must make time to do battle
Everybody smash up your seats and rock to this brand new beat
This here music mash up the nation
This here music cause a sensation
Tell your ma, tell your pa everything’s gonna be all right
Cant you feel it? Don’t ignore it
Gonna be arl-right
Revolution rock, I am in a state of shock
So bad, bad rock, this here revolution rock
Careful how you slide, Clyde, all you did was glide
And you poured your drink in me hat
With my good eye on the beat, living on fixation street
And I ain’t got no time for that
Everybody smash up your seats and rock to this brand new beat
This here music mash up great Satan
This here music cause a sensation
Tell your ma, tell your pa everything’s gonna be all right
Cant you feel it? Don’t ignore it
Gonna be arl-right
Eventually, Zarqawi heads off to training as a full-fledged terrorist, leaving a heartbroken Sharia behind. Her lament...
One less bell to answer
One less goat to fry
One less man to pick up after
I should be happy
But all I do is cry (Cry, cry, no more laughter)
Oh, I should be happy (Oh, why did he go)
I only know that since he left my life’s so empty
Though I try to forget, it just can’t be done
Each time the doorbell rings I still run (I still run)
I don’t know how in the world to stop thinking of him
Cause I still love him so (Love him so)
I end each day the way I start out crying my heart out
Oh, one less man to pick up after
No more laughter, no more love
Since he went, oh, he went away (He went away)
(One less bell to answer) Why did he leave me
(Oh, why, why did he leave)
Now I’ve got one less goat to fry (One less bell to answer)
One less goat to fry (Oh, why, why did he leave)
And all I do is cry
(One less bell to answer) Because a man told me goodbye
(Oh, why, why did he leave)
Somebody tell me please (One less bell to answer)
Where did he go, why did he go (Oh, why, why did he leave)
How could he leave me
Soon, Zarqawi had the reputation of being quick with the blade. At the terror training camps, they were making up songs about him...
Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear
And it shows them pearly white
Just a jackknife has old Zarqawi, babe
And he keeps it … ah … out of sight.
Ya know when that shark bites, with his teeth, babe
Scarlet billows start to spread
Fancy gloves, though, wears old Zarkawi, babe
So there’s nevah, nevah a trace of red.
Now on the sidewalk … uuh, huh … whoo … sunny mornin’ … uuh, huh
Lies a body just oozin' life … eeek!
And someone’s sneakin' ‘round the corner
Could that someone be Zarq the Knife?
A-there's a tugboat … huh, huh, huh … down by the river don’tcha know
Where a cement bag’s just a'droopin' on down
Oh, that cement is just, it's there for the weight, dear
Five'll get ya ten old Zarqy’s back in town.
Now, d'ja hear ‘bout Louie Miller? He disappeared, babe
After drawin' out all his hard-earned cash
And now Zarqawi spends just like a sailor
Could it be our boy's done somethin' rash?
Now … Jenny Diver … ho, ho … yeah … Sukey Tawdry
Ooh … Miss Lotte Lenya and old Lucy Brown
Oh, the line forms on the right, babe
Now that Zarqy’s back in town.
Aah … I said Jenny Diver … whoa … Sukey Tawdry
Look out to Miss Lotte Lenya and old Lucy Brown
Yes, that line forms on the right, babe
Now that Zarqy’s back in town …
Look out … old Zarqy is back!!
Finally, Zarqawi comes to the attention of Osama himself, the godfather of terrorism. Not long after, Zarqawi becomes a made member of the al-Qaeda family, where he and the other new soldiers are forced to sing the al-Qaeda chorus as part of their initiation...
Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
For the Lord Osama Omnipotent reigneth.
Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
For the Lord Osama omnipotent reigneth.
Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
The kingdom of this world
Is become the kingdom of our Lord,
And of His Osama and of His Osama ;
And He shall reign for ever and ever,
For ever and ever, forever and ever,
King of kings, and Lord of lords, Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
King of kings, and Lord of lords, Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
And Lord of lords, Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
And He shall reign,
And He shall reign forever and ever, Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
King of kings, forever and ever,
And Lord of lords,
Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
And He shall reign forever and ever,
King of kings! and Lord of lords!
And He shall reign forever and ever,
King of kings! and Lord of lords!
Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
Oh, al-Qaeda!
Soon Zarqawi was a key leader of al-Qaeda and was composing songs to inspire prospective terrorists to reach new heights, such as this one...
Fighting soldiers from the sky
Fearless men who jump and die
Men who mean just what they say
The brave men of the Raspberry Beret
The kind you find in a second hand store
Raspberry Beret
And when it was warm they wouldn’t wear much more
Crescents red upon their chest
These are men, al-Qaeda’s best
One hundred men will test today
But only three win the Raspberry Beret
The kind you find in a second hand store
Raspberry Beret
And when it was warm they wouldn’t wear much more
Trained to live off nature's land
Trained in combat, hand-to-hand
Men who fight by night and day
Courage peak from the Raspberry Berets
The kind you find in a second hand store
Raspberry Beret
And when it was warm they wouldn’t wear much more
Crescents red upon their chest
These are men, al-Qaeda’s best
One hundred men will test today
But only three win the Raspberry Beret
The kind you find in a second hand store
Raspberry Beret
And when it was warm they wouldn’t wear much more
Back at home a young wife waits
Her Raspberry Beret has met his fate
He has died for those oppressed
Leaving her his last request
Put crescents red on my son's chest
Make him one of al-Qaeda’s best
He'll be a man they'll test one day
Have him win the Raspberry Beret
The kind you find in a second hand store
Raspberry Beret
And when it was warm they wouldn’t wear much more
When he wasn't composing songs, he was wielding a deadly scimitar as a brain surgeon. His legend was spread far and wide...
He keeps his trusty scimitar
In his pretty cabinet
'let them eat cake' he says
Just like Marie Antoinette
A built-in remedy
his first dead a Kennedy
At anytime an invitation
You can't decline
Caviar and cigarettes
Well versed in etiquette
Extraordinarily nice
He's a Killer Z
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
Ooh, recommended at the price
Insatiable an appetite
Wanna try ?
To avoid complications
He never kept the same address
In conversation
He spoke just like an imam, I guess
Met a man from China
Went down to Geisha Minah
(Killer, killer, he's a killer Z)
Then again incidentally
If you're that way inclined
Money came naturally from Paris (naturally)
For cars he couldn't care less
Fastidious and precise
He's a Killer Z
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
Drop of a hat he's as willing as
Playful as a pussy cat
Then momentarily out of action
Temporarily out of gas
To absolutely drive you wild, wild..
He's all out to get you
He's a Killer Z
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
Ooh, recommended at the price
Insatiable an appetite
Wanna try ?
You wanna try...
Soon, though, Zarqawi became a wanted man for his deeds...
Stuck inside these four walls, sent inside forever,
Never seeing no one nice again like you,
Mama you, mama you.
If I ever get out of here,
Thought of giving it all away
To a registered charity.
All I need is an infidel a day
If I ever get out of here.
Well, the rain exploded with a mighty crash as we fell into the sun,
And the first one said to the second one there I hope you’re having fun.
man on the run, man on the run.
And security man and Uncle Sam were searching every one
For the man on the run, man on the run, man on the run, man on the run
Well, the undertaker drew a heavy sigh seeing no one else had come,
And a bell was ringing in the village square for the rabbits on the run.
man on the run, man on the run.
And security man and Uncle Sam, were searching every one
For the man on the run, man on the run, man on the run, man on the run
Well, the night was falling as the desert world began to settle down.
In the town they’re searching for us every where, but we never will be found.
man on the run, man on the run
And Bush the judge who held a grudge will search for evermore
For the man on the run, man on the run, man on the run, man on the run
Well, it turned out that Bush the judge and his men caught on to Zarqawi and, well, they dropped one on him. As he lay dying, he saw a U.S. soldier and uttered these dying words...
You were the one that changed my world
You were the one for me
You lit the fuse I stand accused
You were the first for me
But you turned me out baby
You dropped a bomb on me, baby
You dropped a bomb on me.
But you turned me on baby.
You dropped a bomb on me, baby
You dropped a bomb on me.
You were my thrills, you were my pills
You dropped a bomb on me
You turn me out, you turn me on, you turned me loose
Then you turned me wrong
You dropped a bomb on me, baby
You dropped a bomb on me.
But you turned me out baby
You dropped a bomb on me, baby
You dropped a bomb on me.
Sharia saw Zarq for the first time in ages just prior to the fatal bombing. Later, at the market, she sees some friends... Is she really going out with him?
Yeah, I don’t know, there she is
Let’s ask her
Sharia? is that Zarqy’s ring youre wearing?
Aha!
Wow, it must be great riding with him
Yeah, is he picking you up later on today?
A-a!
By the way, where’d you meet him?
I meet him at the Imam’s place
He turned around and smiled at me. Do you get the picture?
Yes, we see
That’s when I fell for the leader of the pack
My folks were always putting him down (down, down)
The said that he came from the wrong side of town
(wrong side of town)
They’d told me he was bad But I know he was sad
That’s why I fell for the leader of the pack
One day my dad said, find someone new
I had to tell my Zarqy we’re through
He stood there and asked me why
But all I could do was cry
I’m sorry I hurt you, the leader of the pack
Well, he sort of smiled and kissed me goodby
And the tears began to fall
And as he went away on that fateful night
I begged him to take care
But if he heard me when the bomb flew through the air I’ll never know
Look out, look out, oh look out!
I felt so helpless, what could I do
Remembering all the things we’d been through
At mosque they’d all stop and stare
I can’t have a chance but I don’t care
I’ll never forget him the leader of the pack...
The leader of the pack, now he’s gone...
And the people of Iraq gathered around to lament Zarqawi...Pore Zarq is daid,
Pore Zarqawi’s daid,
All gather 'round his cawfin now and cry
He had a heart of ice
And he wasn't very nice
I guess that such a feller had to die
Pore Zarq is daid
Pore Zarqawi’s is daid,
He's lookin' oh so peaceful and serene
(And serene!)
He's all laid out to rest
With his hands acrost his chest
I can’t believe the bloodstains are all clean!
(Spoken)
Then the preacher'd get up and he'd say:
(Chanting)
Folks, we are gathered here to moan and groan over our brother Zarqawi, who got blowed up real good in his smokehouse
(Spoken)
Then there'd be weepin' and wailin'... from some of those women. Then he'd say:
(Chanting)
Zarq was the most misunderstood man in this here territory. People used to think he was a mean ugly feller and they called him a dirty skunk and an ornery goat stealer
(Sung)
But the folks that really knowed him.
(Chant)
Knowed that beneath them two dirty shirts he always wore
(Sung)
There beat a heart as big as all outdoors
(As big as all outdoors.)
Jud Fry loved his feller man
(He loved his feller man)
(Spoken):
He loved the birds of the air and the beasts of the field. He loved the mice and the vermin in the barns, and he treated the rats like equals, which was right. And he loved little children. He loved everybody and everything in the whole world! Only he never let on, so nobody ever knowed it.
(Sung)
Pore Zarq is Daid
Pore Zarqawi’s daid
His friends'll weep and wail for miles around
( Miles Around!)
The daisies in the dell
will give out a different smell
Because Pore Zarq is underneath the ground.
Pore Zarq is daid
A Candle lights his haid
He's layin' in a cawfin made of wood
(Wood…)
And folks are feelin' sad
Cause they useter treat him bad
But now they know their friend is gone for good
( Good!)
Pore Zarq is Daid a candle lights his haid!
He's lookin' oh so purty and so nice
He looks like he's asleep,
It's a shame that he won't keep
But it's summer and we're running out of ice.
Pore Zarq, Pore Zarq.Sorry about the length, but that's the way it goes.---BTW, yours truly (either orr) is now featured as the interviewee at Basil's Blog.
