The Wilsons...

Announcer:
Keeping the world safe for socialist and fascist tyrants and liberals of all stripes, it’s the Wilsons. Starring Susan Sarandon as Valerie Plame Wilson and Tim Robbins as Joe Wilson.
[Scene: Wilsons at the kitchen table at breakfast]
Valerie:
Today, Joe, honey, you’ve got to get in touch with Ketchup Boy.
Joe:
Val, darlin’, why do we have to use all this spy talk in the house?
Valerie:
Joe, I’ve told you before. You know Karl Rove is monitoring our conversations here. We’d do that to him if we could. That’s what spies do.
Joe:
Still, darlin’, it seems kind of silly. After all, the whole world knows you’re a spy for Mr. Big.
Valerie:
Just don’t forget to reach out to Ketchup Boy. Tell him the yellow cake got left out in the rain and it’s washed away. No problemos.
Joe:
Wait a minute. Ketchup Boy doesn’t speak Spanish. I know problemos is Spanish.
Valerie:
You forget, Joe, honey. His wife speaks Spanish. She can translate that for him. Mr. Big was a perfect matchmaker for that one, huh?
Joe:
Yeah, even though she’s a bit of a nutball.
Valerie:
That’s her cover, Joe. Now don’t forget to tell Ketchup Boy what I told you. Use the pay phone in Arlington. The one by the cemetery. It’s clear.
Joe:
Gotcha, darlin.’ [stands up] Remember, I gotta do that story for the Times today. See ya later. [leaves]
Valerie:
Love ya, stud muffin.
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[scene: a phone booth in Reston, Virginia]
Valerie:
Plame Wilson reporting, sir.
Mr. Big:
How are you, Valerie?
Valerie:
I’ve been better, sir. It doesn’t seem that we are getting very far. Everything we’ve tried seems to last for only about 15 minutes.
Mr. Big:
I know. It’s the luck of Andy Warhol. Fifteen minutes of attention and then, poof! It’s gone. They thought Ronald Reagan was Teflon. This guy is 10 times the Teflon old Ronald, rest his soul, ever was.
Valerie:
What’s our next step, sir?
Mr. Big:
I’ve got three assignments for you. It’s going to mean losing your shallow cover, but it’s going to be necessary for the good of our program.
Valerie:
As you say, sir. What is required of me?
Mr. Big:
First, you must reach out to our friends at the Grey Lady. One of them will contact you. It’s got to come out about where you draw your paychecks. The person who contacts you will be one of ours. You will know when she mentions the name of Scooter that she is the one you must inform.
Valerie:
Consider it done, sir.
Mr. Big:
Also, a gentleman from Chicago will be reaching out to you. He, too, will let you know that he is the one by his use of the phrase Scooter. Do what he advises you to do.
Valerie:
Again, consider it done, sir.
Mr. Big:
The third duty requires you to reach out to the girl named Charlie. She is a colleague of yours, I believe.
Valerie:
I do see her from time to time, yes, sir.
Mr. Big:
She will have the assignment of exposing the places where our operatives are being kept in hiding in Europe. She has more knowledge of that than you, I am led to understand.
Valerie:
Yes, that is her field of expertise, sir.
Mr. Big:
You are to tell her that two gentlemen from the Toasties and two gentlemen from the Grey Lady will be contacting her. All four gentlemen are instructed to use the code phrase Gitmo Europe. When she hears that phrase, she is to disclose to them all of the information they request.
Valerie:
I may see her today, sir. Should I pass this information on then?
Mr. Big:
Today or tomorrow, Valerie. But please, by week’s end.
Valerie:
Again, consider it done, sir.
Mr. Big:
And how is Joe doing?
Valerie:
The amiable dunce is well, sir.
Mr. Big:
He was chosen not for his intellect, Valerie, but for his ability to keep you happy.
Valerie:
He does, sir [giggles embarrassingly]. He does.
Mr. Big:
That’s good. Good luck, Valerie.
Valerie:
Thank you, sir.
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Announcer:
Next, on The Wilsons:
Valerie:
Joe, honey, would you reach out to your friends at the Grey Lady? Tell them there’s something they should know.
Announcer:
The Wilsons is a moron.org production.