Monday, June 05, 2006

Study: Environmentalists caused global warming

A new study is being released today that demonstrates conclusively that environmentalists are largely responsible for whatever global warming exists.
Dr. B. Reel of the Institute of Deep Thoughts and Discount Duodenum Surgery of Wapwallopen, Pa., and Dr. X. Pert of the Canadian Institute of Research in Okotoks, Alberta, made the announcement.
"There are two primary reasons that environmentalists are responsible for global warming," Dr. Reel said.
"First," said Dr. Pert, "is that environmentalists forced the end of what we found was the smog era. The reduction in pollutants that once left much of the nation's industrial base under thick clouds of smoke means that more sunshine is getting through to the earth. More sunshine means more warmth."
"Second," Dr. Reel added, "is that environmentalists tend to hold conferences with alarming frequency. The only way they can get there is to fly. Since most of these environmentalists wouldn't be caught dead with normal people, they tend to fly in private jets. Those babies really burn those fuels. Al Gore himself is responsible for more global warming in one trip than 1,000 SUVs would be in an entire year. And he has made thousands of trips to promote his agenda, and that's what it is, an agenda."
The solution?
"Make Al Gore drive a Yugo to all of his conferences. And make him fly tourist class. That'll stop it right there."