Thursday, June 23, 2005

Same-Sex Divorce Court

WARNING: This post is likely to be racier than the usual fare here. Be forewarned.

With same-sex marriage soon to (sadly) become a reality in Canada, there will be some repercussions.
Welcome to Same-Sex Divorce Court, coming soon to a TV network near you.
The first thing to do is to find a legal mind to play the part of the judge. It would have to be someone with a bizarre sense of humor and knowledge of at least a little bit of the law.
Then, of course, the producers will find the most outrageous caricatures of same-sex coupledom who have had it with each other (not in that sense).
"Mr. Smyth-Jones has filed for divorce from his spouse, Mr. Jones-Smyth."
"Damn right I have," says Mr. Smyth-Jones. "That queer has been putting his mouth on every Dick, Dick and Dick in town."
"The queen speaks," says Mr. Jones-Smyth. "He gives the phrase 'layabout' a whole new meaning."
"I take it," says the judge, "that adultery is the primary grounds for this proceeding."
"Yes, your honor," says Mr. Smyth-Jones, who is wearing a stylish taffeta dress (I said they'd go for the outrageous, didn't I) and oversized pumps.
"And you have counter-sued on the same grounds, Mr. Jones-Smyth?"
"Yes, your honor."
"Well, have you any witnesses, Mr. Smyth-Jones?"
We'll stop the proceedings here. You'll have to watch for yourself to see just how sordid Same-Sex Divorce Court will be.
But we do have some early reviews.
"This makes my program look and sound like a Sunday school picnic." -- Jerry Springer
"These people are just so horribly dressed." -- Mr. Blackwell
"It makes me wonder why I ever supported same-sex marriage in the first place." -- Irwin Cotler
"More fun than my ranch." -- Michael Jackson
There you have it, ladies and gentlemen, Same-Sex Divorce Court, brought to you by the Dominion of Canada.