Monday, June 20, 2005

The Khadr family

Did you know that Canada has its own al-Qaeda family?
Yessiree, Canada has its own al-Qaeda family... the Khadrs. Thoroughly protected by the Libranos, too. And they even get Canada's health care (although, given what I've read lately, that might not be too great of a deal).
But what they don't have yet is their own TV show.
At least not yet.
The crack research team here has uncovered Al-Jazeera's plans to feature the Khadrs in their very own series, "The Khadr Family."

They've already got the theme song down...
They're creepy and they're kooky,
Mysterious and spooky,
They're all together ooky,
The Khadr Family.
They worship old al-Qaeda
Believe in funeral pyres
For infidels and liars
The Khadr Family.
So get your new burqa on
A scimitar to fall on
We're gonna pay a call on
The Khadr Family.
(Based on "The Addams Family" by Vic Mizzy)

They're also just about set with the casting:
Alec Baldwin will play Maha Elsamnah Khadr, the family's matriarch.
Rosie O'Donnell will play Maha's daughter Zaynab, who just smuggled an al-Qaida computer into Canada and wants her daughter to be a martyr.
Michael Moore will play Maha's son Abdullah, who lives on the run in Afghanistan.
Dick Durbin will play Maha's son Omar, who is detained at Club Gitmo.
Howard Dean will play Mahan's son Abdul Karim, who is now receiving health care in Canada after being wounded in a shootout in Pakistan.
Jane Fonda will play the late Ahmad Said al-Khadr, the patriarch of the family, who was killed in the shootout that left his son Abdul Karim injured.
Ryan Stiles will play Maha's son Abdurahman, who is the family's "white sheep."

How long a run the show will have remains to be seen. Our research crew, though, has seen some script ideas that are now being developed:
The Khadrs watch the news. Abdul Karim throws a shoe through the TV screen when he sees images of same-sex married couples.
The Khadrs study foreign affairs. Maha teaches the joys of Islamofascism.
The Khadrs party hearty. After a successful suicide bombing, the Khadrs discuss the merits of martyrdom.
The Khadrs meet their match. An unnamed blogger wipes out the family with a single, small, pointedly well-directed thermonuclear device. And the family gets quite a surprise when they reach the pearly gates.