Friday, May 13, 2005

Paulie Librano speaks

Paul Martin is quite a guy. But he's hard to translate sometimes.
But we have found the Official Paul Martin Translator so we can find out what he really means when he speaks. It's not available in any store, so you'll just have to trust me a little bit on this one.
As for the quotes, they are all readily available to anyone who can stomach visiting the Official Liberal Party Web Site. (NOTE: I cannot necessarily vouch for the accuracy of anything posted to that Web site, so...)

PAUL MARTIN SAID: "Let me say that Canada and the United States remain one another’s staunchest allies and closest friends."
TRANSLATION: "While we stab them in the back so my friends at Power Corp. can profit from Oil-for-Food, we still have to make nice to them."

PAUL MARTIN SAID: "Canada is among the most generous international donors to respond to this disaster with humanitarian and early recovery assistance."
TRANSLATION: "The cheque is in the mail, but don't cash it. We had some unexpected payoffs to make in Quebec and we're a little short right now."

PAUL MARTIN SAID: "We believe that liberty must be embedded and nurtured in democratic institutions."
TRANSLATION: "We're doing our best to make sure that such American principles never take root in Canada."

PAUL MARTIN SAID: "We have long recognized that the defence of North America is also the defence of Canada."
TRANSLATION: "And we'll let the Americans take care of us."

PAUL MARTIN SAID: " 'Peace, order and good government' have always served as clear standards by which to measure the performance of our institutions."
TRANSLATION: "And if we ever succeed in any of those, may God have mercy on us."

PAUL MARTIN SAID: "I spent yesterday with many veterans and soldiers in Ottawa at the opening of the new Canadian War Museum. I recommend you visit it on your next trip to Ottawa. It is a shrine to all those who wore the uniform and fought for Canada, and for what our country stands for. You will be very proud."
TRANSLATION: "We believe that our soldiers are nothing more than torturing swine, but you should still go anyway."

PAUL MARTIN SAID: "Time and again, we have sent the same message to Canadians: Promise made, promise kept. "
TRANSLATION: "They really know the only promises we keep are to ourselves and they seem to like it that way."

PAUL MARTIN SAID: "Religious leaders have strong views both for and against this legislation. They should express them. "
TRANSLATION: "Yes, they should. And we'll come down stomping with jackboots on anyone who doesn't agree with us. Just ask Bishop Henry out there in Calgary."

PAUL MARTIN SAID: "There are times, Mr. Speaker, when we as Parliamentarians can feel the gaze of history upon us. They felt it in the days of Pearson. They felt it in the days of Trudeau. And we, the 308 men and women elected to represent one of the most inclusive, just and respectful countries on the face of this earth, feel it today. "
TRANSLATION: "But since we as Liberals don't believe in the past, it doesn't bother us one bit as we continue to cling to power even though we have no moral authority... especially since we have no morals."

PAUL MARTIN SAID: "We cannot ignore the very real threats to our security posed by terrorists and political thugs who find their genesis not in poverty but in “hate”. "
TRANSLATION: "Those damned Conservatives and the Bloc are a real threat to my security as Prime Minister."

Free Canada!