Aliens occupy top Democrats
THE PENTAGON (DP) -- Federal investigators are conducting a top-secret investigation into the apparent occupation of a number of prominent political figures by alien creatures, a very high source said today.
"This is a much bigger investigation than the one into Scooter Libby," said the source, who agreed to comment on condition that his name not be given to Bob Woodward, Matt Cooper, Judith Miller or Michael Isikoff. "This is going to uncover a lot of people."
Another source, who is not quite as high as the first source but is usually way up there, indicated that the aliens have targeted Democrats for their takeovers.
"It's easy to see, and you can almost see the progression," the second source said.
"It started with Howard Dean. He was probably the first to go. Then Kerry and Edwards and Durbin and Reid and Pelosi and Rockefeller and Kennedy all went around the same time. Schumer and Biden, too. Now, it seems like most of Congress has been taken over."
The symptoms are identical in each case: an inability to recognize things that they had said in the past.
"They will deny they ever said this-and-that," the second source said. "And they'd be right, only because the aliens hadn't taken over them when they made the original statements."
Asked why the aliens targeted Democrats, the source said, "It's easy. Low brain power plus high ambition leaves one vulnerable to the kind of delusional thinking that aliens seeking assimilation can capitalize on."
The first source observed that one prominent Democrat appears, for the moment, to have avoided the alien invasion.
"Hillary Clinton hasn't been taken over yet, as far as we can tell," he said. "We are investigating if she is, in fact, a long-established alien being trying -- with the help of fellow aliens from her home planet of Marxisto -- to derail rivals in her bid for the presidency."
A White House spokesman declined to comment on the investigation, but observed that "a lot of Democrats have been acting very strangely lately."
Linked at Don Surber.