Wednesday, September 14, 2005

A little help for my dad (Guest Post)

While my dad is working on two big projects, something called the Carnival of Comedy and digging up the back yard for a shed, I’m going to fill in today.
My name is Jasper. Jasper the Wonder Barker.
I’m one of dad’s two dog-sons (well, sort-of sons; we’ve been neutered). I’m the older one. I’m 66 (that’s 9½ in human years to you); Maguire’s not even 50 yet. He’s just a pup by comparison to me, even though I’m a Maltese who can walk underneath Maguire’s belly and barely touch it. That makes him so mad!
We’re an interracial set, I guess you’d say. My fur is white, Maguire’s is black. But he’s a nice dog anyway. You have to look beyond the surface, really.
And actually, even though I’m older, I haven’t been with dad and mom as long as Maguire has. My first family was my mom’s mother, so we always called her Grandma. But Grandma had something called a stroke (I’ve had one, too) and had to move out of her house (it was just the two of us), so I moved in with mom and dad and their human kids and Maguire.
At least I wasn’t a stranger to Maguire, but he was really nice when he realized I wasn’t going to leave any time soon. Even today, we share the same water bowl and food bowl. He gets a little jealous sometimes when I’m giving dad’s nose a proper licking and comes over and joins in. But he’s got a reason to be a little insecure from his days as a real puppy. Maguire was a pound pup. Some idiot on the Eastern Shore of Maryland got him as a pup for the summer, then abandoned him. A friend of a friend of Grandma’s found him on the Internet and adopted him, but couldn’t keep him because he was allergic to the fur. So Grandma’s friend, who ran the kennel where I would go on vacation, told Grandma, because mom and dad had lost their dog of 17-plus human years a few months before. They came up and got him.
Now, here we are.
And I’m here to tell you one more thing -- no self-respecting dog can be a leftist. Dad showed me Ferdy the Conservative Cat’s blog; I have to tell you that’s one rare cat. Most cats are interested only in themselves, not like us dogs. Yeah, we do depend on humans a lot, but we give them all we can possibly offer in return. And with my bark and Maguire’s size, we’re a great watchdog team, alerting mom and dad whenever a traveling salesman or (worse yet) politician comes to the door. Maguire’s an intimidator with his size, and my bark and well-practiced snarl will put the fear of the Lord into ’em for sure.
And Maguire’s got a real nose for moonbats -- he’ll hunt ‘em down and tear ‘em apart if dad would let him.
Well, thanks for listening while I help dad with his blog. I think Maguire may be filling in tomorrow or Friday, so just remember he’s a little young, but he’s still O.K.

--Jasper the Wonder Barker