Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The Big Mahafs of Left-Wing Spoor Meet

Inside an emergency meeting of the Big Mahafs of Left-Wing Spoor...

"Guys and gals, we are in deep stuff here," said Teddy the Whale. "We aren't getting anywhere."
"Yeah, and we're getting there fast," chirped Dick Turban. "What are we gonna do?"
"Friends, nothing we're throwing out there is sticking," moaned Me, Al Franken. "This is ridiculous already."
"We're the ones who should be running this country," cried Hilliary. "It's our divine right."
"Don't talk about divine in this room," warned Norman Learjet. "You know God is not allowed in our discussions."
"Sorry," whimpered Hilliary.
"Anyway," screamed Howweird, "you all know how badly this is going. We keep throwing crap at the Bushitler Wall, expecting it to stick. Abu Ghraib, Gitmo, the Koran toilet, John Roberts' kids, Harry Belafonte, NARAL, Cindy Sheehan..."
"And," simpered Algore, "all that has happened is that we're up to our eyeballs in crap because none of it stuck."
"The idiots aren't paying attention," said Eason Jordone. "I wonder if they've stopped listening to us."
"Shut up!" screamed Howweird. "We know they're not listening to us. I know damn sure they didn't listen to John Kerryless last year."
"But you have to have something to say first," squeaked Babs Boxershorts.
"I did have something to say," Kerryless retorted.
"Well," boomed Robert the Birdman in his distinctive West Virginny twang, "we did make him use a recess appointment on that jerk Bolton."
"And we did force a deal on a few appeals judges," offered Nancy the Lousy.
"So what? We're still losing big time," offered Maureen Dowdy. "And we're just not getting anywhere."
"Do we need a few more million to buy off Sheehan some more?" asked George Soreass. "I can spare it."
"And where do we go next?" asked the Daily Konstipation.
A moment of silence.
"Can we try Cheney again?" wondered Leakin' Leahy. "Halliburton still has some mileage left."
"No!" declared Dan Rathernot. "Not enough."
"How about we turn Condi into Rice Krispies?" asked Henry Waxhead, the California dreamer.
"Too risky," said Rev. Al Dullton. "You run some serious race problems if you try to torch her."
"Rumsfeld?" asked Howweird.
"Yeah, I'll have some rum," said Teddy the Whale.
"We should all have some," Dennis the Menace piped up.

So the meeting of the Big Mahafs of Left-Wing Spoor ended in a drunken orgy, in which they all screwed each other over while trying to reach for the next real goal... the 2008 presidential nomination.