Monica Lewinsky has decided to take on Hillary Clinton once again.
The vixen whose misbehaviour sparked impeachment proceedings against Hillary's husband, then-President Slick Willie Clinton, has declared her intentions to run for the United States Senate from New York against Mrs. Clinton, who is seeking re-election.
"I was better for Bill than she was," Ms. Lewinsky said in her announcement. "I'm bound to be a lot better for New York than she has been. Let's face it, I've got it and she doesn't. I'm the best woman for the job."
The former Canadian ambassador to the United States, Frank McKenna, admitted this week that his former boss, Prime Minister Paul Martin, lied about conversations he had had with U.S. officials in an effort to fan anti-Americanism and boost Martin's ultimately failed re-election effort.
"We all knew what he was doing, but we couldn't stop him," McKenna said. "Personally, I'm glad he's out of there. Next thing you know, he would have been arguing for interspecies marriage."
President Bush this week signed a nuclear deal with the Indians.
"This is a great moment in American history," the president declared. "
The spokesman for the Indians, Chief Wahoo, called it a momentous occasion.
"If we had had this a couple of hundred years ago, we would still be running the country," the chief said.
"As it is, I think this deal will benefit not only the Indians, but the Braves, Redskins, Fighting Sioux, Seminoles, Fighting Illini, Red Raiders, Chiefs and Squaws, too."
Terrell Owens is still in limbo.
Fans at the Schuylkill Haven Institute of Technology rushed the court this week after their team lost to Cressona Redoubt of Arts and Pederasty in an overtime thriller.
It was the closest game S.H.I.T. had played all season, losing to C.R.A.P. by just four points.
Finally, alleged comic and host on the daying Air America left-wing talk network, Al Franken, has decided he will not run for the Senate from Minnesota.
Instead, he will run for President in 2008 on the Democratic ticket.
"There's 100 senators that I'd have to share the space with," Franken said. "I, Al Franken, could never condescend to that. I have to the the only one, and there's only one President. So that's where my energies will be going as soon as Air America officially goes into the tank."