Wednesday, March 15, 2006

The Question Man

Welcome to the very first edition of The Question Man.
Dr. B. Reel, the director of the cracked research team here at either orr, answers your questions.
Let's start the show.
49erdweet asks, "And how long ago did Mr. Bennish find that stash of hemp he's been hiding?"
He didn't have to look far, 49er. It's that hair. It's really a dried marijuana plant. He trims a bit, gets high, and starts his lessons.
Garry P. asks, "As I can see re: your review post of your Frank Trainor CD (Tues Mar 7) that you have good taste and a good ear for music. Do you play an instrument and sing...either orr?"
Actually, Garry, either orr is a master of several instruments -- air guitar, air bass, air sax, and air harmonica. He also sings wonderfully in the key of off.
Jimmyb asks, "Why do liberals constantly say gun owners have small willies? Some say the same about people that own hot rods. I have guns and a Trans Am (made in Canada, I might add). Am I the exception that proves the rule, or is this whole theory a phallacy (sic)?"
Jimmyb, the fact of the matter is this: Liberals project their own insecurities onto others. Because they worry excessively about sex, they project that everyone else does, too. And they worry that their manhoods are insufficient. They also project phallic symbols into just about anything -- chicken wings, guns, pencils, even ties are not safe from their projectionism. Are you the exception? It doesn't matter, Jimmyb. As a blues singer once intoned, "It ain't the meat, it's the motion." And, as town lush Al K. Hall opined, "It ain't what ya got; it's what ya do wit' it."
Kermit asks, "What is the meaning of life? Especially, now that we don't have Richard Nixon to kick around anymore."
We always have Richard Nixon to kick around, Kermit. Even if he's dead, he's still a good target. But seriously, the meaning of life is simple -- First, do no harm to your fellow denizens of the bog. Second, remember the wisdom of the Silly Goose. Third, never ever vote for a liberal.
Dr. Phat Tony asks, "Save Jill or kill Jill? What's it gonna be?"
You don't ask easy questions, Dr. Phat. Jill, for those of you who don't know, is a goat. Dr. Phat Tony holds the keys to her continued existence. After a great deal of research on the topic, we here at either orr have decided that it must be Save Jill. Here's why: Islamofascists have a great number of recipes for goat's meat. Obviously, it is standard fare for pre-suicide bombers. Therefore, we must save Jill and all her many cousins. Save Jill - Starve an Islamofascist!
That concludes this edition of The Question Man.
This program will return when we get enough questions to do another show. It could be next week; it could be tomorrow; it could be 2525.