Christmas list, part 1

This will be a recurring series over the next month as the cracked research staff at either orr tries to solve that vexing problem: What to get someone for Christmas.
We start the programme with E.M., the Conservative Princess. She's in the midst of tackling a major project with the unlikely title "A Comparative Analysis of The United States and the Holy See: Philosophical Approaches to Addressing Widespread Global Conflict, and the Present Disparity of Attitudes in Pursuing 'World Peace.'"
Let's give her an A for this epic. Anyone who would tackle such a project merits an A just for having the guts to do that.
Speaking of guts, JimmyB, the Conservative UAW Guy, is next. He seems to want a rather unusual gift. So the team has come up with a Handy-Dandy Professional Impaling Kit, complete with a year's supply of dirty hippies and an equally large supply of cleaning materials, which he will need while dealing with all of those dirty hippies.
Suggestions are always welcomed. More to come.