Monday, October 03, 2005

The Politicians' Catholic Church

Could there be a new schism in the Catholic Church? Angry in the Great White North reports that the church is considering a universal set of rules for politicians who step out of line with church teachings:
Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin and Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero who legalized same-sex marriage in their countries, and about a dozen American politicians who support gay marriage - including San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom who issued marriage licenses last year to same-sex couples - could be refused the sacraments of the Roman Catholic Church under a proposal being considered by the Vatican.
Catholic bishops meeting in Vatican City at the first synod led by newly anointed Pope Benedict XVI are expected to consider refusing communion to politicians who pass laws that violate church doctrine.
The synod gets underway today.

This means only one thing -- the Politicians' Catholic Church. The first communicants of this new church will include Martin, Rodriguez Zapatero, Newsom, Teddy Kennedy, John Kerry, and many many more.
Pope Teddy I. What a scary thought.
"I absolve all your sins. And if you want to sin some more, that's cool, too," the pontiff of the new church said.
"Our church must be modernized. No longer will wine be a part of the communion. It must be whiskey. Irish whiskey. I would not have agreed to ascend to the papacy had that not taken place.
"Same-sex marriage? Whatever floats your boat.
"Abortion? It's not a real baby yet, so that's cool, too.
"Sex? Whenever you can get it with whomever you can get it with. That's always been my philosophy and it's one I've instilled in all of my family.
"Confession? Forget about it. Our church doesn't need it. We of the Politicians Catholic Church need no forgiveness, for we are always right."
God could not be reached to comment on this new church. But a source close to the Creator said that He is "not amused."