Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Belinda's English-French dictionary

The Honorable B.S. has a small problem in that she doesn't parlez-vous Francais. (I don't either, but I'm not the Minister for Silly Dances Atop Bar Speakers.)
But what if... what if... someone gave her an English-to-French dictionary of the sort made infamous in a Monty Python sketch? The kind where innocent questions are translated into salacious requests?
Let's see...
PHRASE: I am pleased to serve the wonderful people of Quebec.
MP TRANSLATION: Your mothers service the winners of the Kentucky Derby.
PHRASE: The steel of your resolve is to be commended.
MP TRANSLATION: We will steal everything you don't have nailed down.
PHRASE: Your government will do all that it can to fix whatever problems there have been.
MP TRANSLATION: Forget about it, the fix is in, and you can all go suck eggs.
PHRASE: Our dogged determination will ensure a brighter future.
MP TRANSLATION: Triumph the Comic Insult Dog was right about you hosers.
PHRASE: It is because of our love for our land that we want to serve.
MP TRANSLATION: You now may go and make love to farm animals, because God knows you shouldn't be allowed to reproduce.
Wouldn't that be fun?