Wednesday, March 22, 2006

The McBob-Hurok School of Self-Disintegration

(A far from precision misguided humour assignment)
One of the first things the Iraqi parliament will do once it is seated and functioning is to pass a law requiring all would-be suicide bombers to take a course on the subject.
Standing by and ready to begin the instruction are Big Jim McBob and Billy Saul Hurok. We'll let them tell you about their school.
Big Jim: Yeah, we're rarin' to go. We've got the right stuff to teach these young punks how to blow theirselves up.
Billy Saul: They'll blow theirselves up good.
Big Jim: Real good.
Billy Saul: We run a tight ship here at the school.
Big Jim: Yeah, ain't nobody graduates unless they can demonstrate to our satisfaction that they can blow theirselves up good.
Billy Saul: Real good.
Big Jim: In fact, we have pictures of our first graduates of the school. We took 'em at graduation ceremonies.
That there's Achmed. He was a brilliant student. Just brilliant. He blowed hisself up good.
Billy Saul: Real good, Big Jim. He took to it like it was natural to blow hisself up.
Big Jim: Now, this guy was a real tough nut to crack. Saddam didn't want to blow hisself up at first. He didn't know nuthin' about what he wanted to do.

Billy Saul: But that Saddam learned, eventually, and he wound up blowin' hisself up good.
Big Jim: Real good.
Billy Saul: At the school, we're proud of our 100 percent success rate. Every one of our students blows hisself -- or herself -- up good.
Big Jim: In fact, one of our best students was Sharia. She was a feisty little wisp of a thing.
Billy Saul: She was so skinny that a little breeze would have blown her away.
Big Jim: But we got her to blow herself up good.
Billy Saul: She blowed up real good.
Big Jim: Real good, indeed.
Billy Saul: We got a special blow-up room where they can practice blowing theirselves up good.
Big Jim: And ain't nobody graduates unless they've blowed themselves up right in that special blow-up room.
Billy Saul: So, mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be suicide bombers without taking our course at the school.
Big Jim: They'll blow up good.
Billy Saul: Real good.
Smarmy announcer: To reach the McBob-Hurok School for Self-Disintegration, call 1-666-BLOWEDUP. That's 1-666-BLOWEDUP.
Inspired by SCTV, Joe Flaherty and John Candy R.I.P.


Linked at The Liberal Wrong.