Sunday, January 29, 2006

John Kerry's filibuster preparations

As you probably know by know, Sen. John Kerry (D-Massachusetts and Switzerland), the failed 2004 presidential candidate, plans to filibuster the nomination of Judge Samuel Alito to the U.S. Supreme Court.
Kerry made the announcement in Switzerland while on a ski trip, which he made in order to get himself into better physical condition for the marathon speechmaking required of a filibuster.
Unlike the 2004 election, in which he showed himself to be woefully unprepared for the nation's highest office, Kerry will be totally ready for his moment in the spotlight.
He's got his battle plans mapped out. Here are those plans:
1. Make a trip to the tanning salon. Gotta look good for the TV cameras, eh?
2. Get a shot of Botox. Ditto.
3. Stock up on No-Doz (TM). John Kerry speeches are a known cure for insomnia, and he can't be putting himself to sleep, now, can he?
4. Get the latest Los Angeles white pages. He'll need something to read to help occupy the time.
5. Carry a laptop with speakers, plus CDs of his 2004 campaign stump speeches. Gotta sneak those in while the Senate's asleep, huh?
There you have it. John Kerry's filibuster preparations.