Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Yes, global warming did it...

Global warming has been blamed for just about every “unusual” climatic event of the past decade or so.
Now, there’s a scientist who claims global warming’s effects impact not only the weather, but elections as well.
Dr. Noah Zark of the Hot Air Institute, a government-funded think tank in Upper Sasquatch, B.C., claims that the election results in the U.S. in 2004 and in Canada in 2006 are a direct result of global warming.
Dr. Zark explains his theory thusly…
“When people are warmer, they are more active. As they become more active, their brains become more active as well. Our research has shown that the more active people’s brains are, the more likely they are to want to take control of their own destiny.
“This is a natural situation for small-c conservatives to profit. Whether it’s the Conservative Party in Canada or the Republican Party in the U.S.A., people’s instincts when they are warmer are to move away from the security blanket offered by the leftist organizations, such as the Liberal Party of Canada and the Democratic Party of the U.S.A. That blanket becomes stifling, too hot, as it were.
“We also found commonalities in the air patterns in the days immediately preceding the election. There was an inordinate amount of hot air blowing about, usually approaching from the left. This did not benefit the Liberals or the Democrats, despite the fact that it appeared that they were behind the increase in hot air. It was, in fact, counterproductive for them, and may have, in fact, cost them the elections.”
Dr. Noah Zark has even come up with a name for this phenomenon.
“This is, indeed, the winds of change.”