either orr

Mackie 1999-2007

2007-04-01T13:31:00.000-04:00

The best damn dog a family could ever have.

R.I.P. buddy.

Why you can't trust liberals, reason I-78

2007-02-17T10:38:00.000-05:00

A major interstate highway acquires a 50-mile backup in a storm right here in Pennsylvania. And the liberals running Pennsylvania can't handle it.
One commenter in the story thread likened it to Pennsylvania's Katrina. While (fortunately) not as deadly as Katrina, the state response was every bit as incompetent as Louisiana's.
Fat Eddie, the governor who'd rather be a panelist on Eagles post-game shows on cable, screwed up. Royally.
Next up: A fix. Higher taxes. Watch -- the state budget will be coming soon and we'll be stuck paying for his administration's incompetence.

What devastation???

2007-02-12T14:27:00.000-05:00

From techwhack.com:
Former U.S. Vice President Al Gore has teamed up with Richard Branson. They have announced a $25 million prize for scientists who can come up with ways to tackle Greenhouse Effect to counter the global warming.
What's more interesting is this...
...this initiative comes just days after the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) said global warming is more than 90 percent likely to have been caused by humans. That panel also predicted that the problem would raise temperatures by 1.1 to 6.4 degrees Celsius by the end of this century. This could lead to sea levels rising by around 18 to 59 centimeters.
Do you know how high 59 centimeters is? Not even two feet. In 100 years.
Can you say scare tactic?

Inside the faith

2007-02-09T12:06:00.000-05:00

The faithful flocked to the First Church of Global Warming in their limousines. Some even arrived by private jet to hear the word.
Pope Algore the First was to give the sermon, an event that required full participation by the faithful.
The congregants came clad only in swimsuits and T-shirts, even though wind chills were officially recorded at 20 degrees below zero. That is how Pope Algore requested that all the faithful dress when attending the First Church of Global Warming, as evidence that such niceties as coats and long pants would not be necessary in the new, hothouse world.
However, the faithful did not know that there were two skeptics in their midst. A pair of joggers were out and decided to drop in and hear just what was going to be said.
They were amazed to find the temperature inside the church at an extremely comfortable 78 degrees. One asked about it.
"Oh, the Pope must be kept warm," said one blue-skinned true believer, who was suffering from the initial stages of frostbite.
The skeptics could not pursue the matter further because the procession was about to begin. Two sycophants began by strewing roses along the center aisle, followed by a group of men clad in thin blue robes bearing the logo of the United Nations. Then, being carried by the four horsemen of the apocalypse, came Pope Algore the First.
Two women fainted at the sight of the high priest of global warming. At least three others went into a rapturous state and began babbling in tongues. Others cried out.
"My Lord and my Pope!" "Algore for King of the World!"
Pope Algore acknowledged the outpouring of love and support with a stiff, wooden, sort of dismissive wave. The four horsemen of the apocalypse placed the Pope at the pulpit and moved away as Pope Algore began to speak.
"My friends, we are here to celebrate our faith in global warming and our destiny as true believers," he began. "We have told them, we have warned them, but many do not believe. They MUST BELIEVE!"
"Alleluia!" cried the congregation.
"They MUST BE MADE TO SEE THE NEED TO SACRIFICE! It is in our mother earth's best interest that the masses repent their ways.
"We, the true believers, will reap the benefits. We have shown that we know how to best use our mother earth's resources. They CANNOT BE TRUSTED!"
At this moment, Pope Algore slammed his hand on the pulpit.
"Did his hand just shatter?" one of the skeptics whispered to the other.
"Sure looked like it."
Then, the skeptics looked up while Pope Algore continued his rant. They saw two men furiously trying to cut the string that controlled Pope Algore's shattered hand. Instead, they cut the string controlling his mouth. Pope Algore tried to speak, but all that could come out was mumbo-jumbo.
"The Pope is not well," one of the men in blue robes said. "Pray for his health. Go in peace to love and serve Algore."
"Well," said one skeptic, "I always thought Algore was wooden. I guess this proved it."
"Sure did," said the other. "See ya later, Rush."
"Yeah, take care, Sean."

Ken Blackwell for VP

2007-02-07T11:50:00.000-05:00

The focus, of course, is on the top of the ticket.
But Republicans should be thinking about how to trump the Democrats in the second slot, too.
This space would support the candidacy of Ken Blackwell for vice-president on the GOP ticket.
Blackwell is the former secretary of state of Ohio, who lost in his bid for governor thanks to disgust over corruption by some of his GOP colleagues. Blackwell doesn't have that personal baggage.
And he's raising his national image by writing a weekly column at Townhall.com. The columns are quality. This guy knows his stuff.
Blackwell is also black.
Face it -- the Democrats are NOT going to nominate Barracks Osama. It's either going to be Hilliary or Algore, who would stroll into a deadlocked convention and "offer his services". Either one will need a center-left type in the No. 2 slot, which leaves the far-left Osama out in the cold.
Same old, same old vs. something radically new?
I haven't decided who I'd support for prez yet, but they could do a lot worse (and, unfortunately, probably will) than Ken Blackwell.
Go Ken!

Quick hit

2007-02-07T11:47:00.000-05:00

There are enough people running for president today that if we sent 'em all to Iraq, they'd constitute more than the "surge" President Bush is seeking.
Hmmmm... not a bad idea.
It would also seriously depopulate the Senate.
Hmmmm... also, not a bad idea.

Would you believe...

2007-01-31T01:34:00.000-05:00

...that a Democrat is going to formally announce his candidacy for President on Comedy Central?
That's not a joke, son.
But his candidacy sure as shootin' is.

Damn.

2007-01-29T12:49:00.000-05:00

Barbaro's gone.

Random observations...

2007-01-24T10:55:00.000-05:00

Townhall.com is a fairly regular stop. Lots of interesting stuff offered there. Today's collection of musings set me to offering a few of my own, based on what appeared on the page.
From Jonah Goldberg:
In her first appearance as a presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton spoke at a community center while holding the hand of small child.
I bet the kid had to wash hands for 15 minutes to get rid of the stench and slime.
From Brent Bozell on Barack Osama:
It's all biography, no ideology.
Five words capture it all, eh?
Maggie Gallagher reports that Demofascist Sen. Chuck Schumer has imaginary friends:
Sen. Schumer actually says this: "Though they are imaginary, I frequently talk to them."
Proof positive of a serious problem, eh?

The battle of the bands is over...

2007-01-21T03:56:00.000-05:00

...and, amazingly enough, they won!

The band (from left, in the picture with the trophy): Sam, 2nd guitar and vocals; Chris (my guy), bass, class clown and vocals; Dan, drums; and Brian, lead guitar and lead vocals.
I can be a proud pop, can't I?

A bit of hype

2007-01-18T13:31:00.000-05:00

...for the young lad's band, which will be playing in a Battle of the Bands at his high school Friday night.
They're not bad, actually.

A traumatic time

2007-01-18T13:30:00.000-05:00

The young lad just got his driver's license.
Yikes.

The weather, the fascists, and you

2007-01-18T13:20:00.000-05:00

I've been a big fan of the Weather Channel.
No more.
This is why...
The Weather Channel’s (TWC) Heidi Cullen, who hosts the weekly global warming program "The Climate Code," is advocating that the American Meteorological Society (AMS) revoke their "Seal of Approval" for any television weatherman who expresses skepticism that human activity is creating a climate catastrophe.
The classic liberal-fascist mode. Silence the critics.
Has anyone noticed that a significant reason for global warming was caused by environmentalists, the same ones who are now doing their best Chicken Littles?
Think about it.
Our skies are not as polluted as they were half a century ago, thanks in large part to the environmentalists.
If the skies are not as polluted, the sun's warming rays are better able to penetrate our atmosphere.
Therefore, the sun is warming us up.
And while I understand that it's a bit tough to get up-close-and-personal with the sun, I imagine that there are ways to monitor the sun's activities, to see if it's getting a bit warmer.
And I don't see that man has a single blessed thing to do with that.
It all comes back to the liberal-fascist belief in man as god.
Yecch.

Gee whiz

2007-01-16T12:03:00.000-05:00

Well, well, well. I think I'm kinda back after a wild, whirlwind holiday season.
And did you know that the greatest threat America faces comes from the Christian Right?
I didn't know that until I read this article.
Chris Hedges works for the leftist The Nation Institute, so I suppose his take shouldn't be all that surprising.
But let's have some fun analyzing this, starting from the end.
That's where he describes Christian conservatives as "angry, disenfranchised Americans longing for revenge and yearning for a mythical utopia, Americans who embraced a theology of despair because we offered them nothing else."
Oh, but you have offered them quite a bit, Mr. Hedges. You have offered them scorn and abuse. You have offered them condescension and marginalization. You have told them that their principles, based upon their faith, are not welcome in the public forum. You have called their principles "old-fashioned" and "out of touch with reality." You have basically told them to shut the hell up.
What could you offer them? "Oh, let's give 'em jobs and then they won't have to turn to those nasty Christians." That's rather a Marxist approach to things, isn't it?
He also brings up the old canard of "Christian theocracy," which is intended to scare the daylights out of folks, and then lumps in "fascism," guaranteed to bring strong reactions.
This reveals a fundamental ignorance of reality. The Christian right is no monolith, marching in lockstep behind a single leader. It's a lot more diverse than the skin-deep "diversity" the Left loves to trumpet, all the while hiding the dirty little secret that ideological purity is mandated. The Left, of which Mr. Hedges appears to be a proud member, is far more fascist in its approach than the Christian right would ever become, and it demonstrates that fact with chilling regularity.
In a perverse sort of way, Mr. Hedges demonstrates in that closing paragraph the empty reality of his philosophical bent.
The "we" of which he speaks has nothing to offer, so it cannot offer anything.

Another revelation...

2006-12-15T13:10:00.000-05:00

...of the true face of Islam revealed itself recently in a Colorado court.
According to the print edition of National Review:
A Saudi couple living in Aurora, Colo., were convicted of enslaving their Indonesian nanny, taking her passport, forcing her to live in the basement, and paying her less than two dollars a day. The husband, Hamaidan al-Turki, also made her a sex slave, abusing and raping her. Hamaidan's wife plea-bargained down to 60 days in jail and $90,000 in restitution, but Hamaidan got 28 years to life. "The state has criminalized these basic Muslim behaviors," he told the judge.
...
Say no more.

Some study group, huh?

2006-12-12T10:59:00.000-05:00

Well, it took some time to digest the Iraq Study Group's report.
After gagging on several occasions, the job is accomplished.
And the study group gets a whopping big F.
Why?
Engage Iran and Syria in diplomacy? Forget about it, for several reasons:
1. Iran is following the Soviet strategy of engaging the U.S. and its allies in proxy wars (Iraq, Palestine, Afghanistan) via its funding of various terror-driven organizations. There's no reason to negotiate with this particular enemy.
2. Even if there were reason to really negotiate with Iran and Syria, it would not succeed. There is only one kind of negotiations that Ahmadenijihad and his puppets would understand... it's at the business end of a small thermonuclear warhead. The old rules, the European rules, don't work with these guys.
3. If there are any nations to engage in this region, you're talking about Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Egypt and Turkey. All you have to do is say two words -- Persian Empire. That is the Ahmadenijihad dream. Islam plays into it, to be sure, but the dream is of a revival of the Persian Empire. You tell those guys, "If we walk away, Iran will export its terror operations to your back yards. And you can rest assured that we won't step in."
4. If you want to put a scare into Iran, you have to do one thing: threaten retaliation, then deliver on your threats. What would really scare Iran right now would be an independent Kurdish nation carved out of northern Iraq. Iran has a large Kurdish population in its northwest region which would be more than happy to fight a guerrilla/terror war to expand the Kurdish nation's borders. Nothing like giving the Ahmadenijihadists a taste of their own medicine... and keeping them occupied and less able to influence what's going on in the rest of their demented world. (The downside of this option is that Turkey also has a large Kurdish population, but with Turkey, traditional diplomatic measures are more likely to produce a positive result. Relocation grants, maybe a purchase of some land for the new Kurdish nation, or some combination thereof would likely help the Turks.) And the Kurds have been most supportive of the U.S. efforts in the Middle East and deserve some sort of award for that.
---
If Jimmy Carter had done the right thing 27 years ago, we wouldn't be in this mess right now. A rapid slapdown of Iran would have put a quick stop to the Ahmadenijihadists' power.
However, that had to be said here. You sure as hell won't see it in many other places.

One of the things...

2006-11-23T01:58:00.000-05:00

...that has kept me on the run is the young lad's band.
It's not my music, but it's not bad.
(The young lad is the blondish one who plays bass).

Backpedalers not anonymous

2006-11-21T10:22:00.000-05:00

Well, let's see.
Two weeks ago, Americans gave control of Congress to the Democrats. Since then:
1. The House Speaker-designate, Dragon Lady Nancy Pelosi, tried to install the hopelessly corrupt John Murtha as majority leader. Her colleagues voted "no way".
2. Charlie Rangel, the lost in the 60s House powerhouse, has promised to raise taxes and reinstitute the draft, only to have Pelosi and others say "no way".
3. Carl Levin, a Senate powerhouse, has promised to cut and run from Iraq in four to six months, only to have colleagues say "no way".
4. Hillarybeast has put Hillarycare back on the table, only to have colleagues say "no way".
5. In a fit of personal pique, the Dragon Lady has promised to turn over the House Intelligence Committee to Alcee Hastings -- only one of six judges in U.S. history to be impeached. Seems like the Dems are hedging on this one, when the only proper response is "no way".
Sean Hannity said yesterday that he figures this is a big win for conservatism.
I'd like to think he's right, but I'm not so sure.
I suspect these disciples of Marxism lite are merely throwing out their most extreme ideas, so anything they may actually do comes off as being more "moderate".
Ha!
The most open, ethical Congress ever? That title's already lost, Dragon Lady. And the investigations into New Jersey's Bob Menendez and Louisiana's William Jefferson (he of the 90 grand in the freezer) are going to drop more bombs on that theory.
You see, it's all part of the Democratic Party philosophy of government. Corruption is wrong... unless we're the ones getting the dirty slices of the pie.
---
Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

A strategy for the next two years

2006-11-10T11:54:00.000-05:00

Well, we've had enough time to mourn and lick our wounds. Now, it's time to go back to work and restore the conservative philosophy to its ascendancy.
How do we go about doing this?
There's a 7-step plan developed by the cracked research team here at either orr.
1. Where's the plan? This is the fundamental component. The left, through its political arm of the Democratic Party, has done nothing but criticize. It has yet to offer an alternative, probably because it has none that can gain traction with the American public. Demand a plan. Then, be ready to tear their plan apart and offer a viable alternative. The 2006 election was a negative election, which is always bad for the party in power. Presidential elections, on the other hand, tend to go to the candidate who offers a more positive vision. It's been that way since Truman, at least.
2. Adhere to the basics. The principles of conservatism speak to the idea of less government, not more; less spending, not more; and definitely wiser spending. Every time the left offers a spending bill, demonstrate how little actually gets to the intended recipients and how much is siphoned off the top by the bureaucrats. Show that the same amount of money can actually do more with less bureaucratic skim -- and that's what it is, skim.
3. Expose weakness. There's plenty of it to go around on the left, believe me.
4. Get the rearguard action up and running. There are a lot of skeletons hanging around the closets of the likes of Reid, Pelosi, Conyers, Rangel and their cohorts. Be ready to spring open the door at an opportune time -- not all at once; that would be overkill. But pick spots to expose their hypocrisies and when the time comes, use 'em.
5. Develop a "shadow" government. Get prospective candidates lined up early and give them exposure as critics of the left's actions. Then, when the race begins in earnest, they will have a degree of recognition that will be helpful. Also, you'll be giving greater exposure to the better ideas that conservatism offer.
6. Give smart people in the movement real opportunities. Despite their losses on Tuesday, folks like Michael Steele and Ken Blackwell are a real opportunity to continue to drive the wedge into the near-monopoly the left has on black votes. And don't walk away from other people who were swept aside by the leftist tide.
7. Do not fear disagreements. Abortion is the great dividing issue of our generation, especially within the conservative movement. The compromise position that I, a fundamental pro-life sort, could live with is this: We believe that moral persuasion is a more effective way to minimize the number of abortions in this country. Addressing the issue in that way builds bridges and offers a positive, not a negative. (It also takes the terms of the argument away from the left, which is something conservatives must do more often.)
---
Finally, contemporary conservatism is the philosophy of hope. Contemporary liberalism is the philosophy of fear. Never forget to offer hope for something better (which shouldn't be hard, once the left starts wielding power).

Don't look back

2006-11-09T00:43:00.000-05:00

It's over. Republicans took a beating.
My congressman, Jim Gerlach (R-Pa.), survived somehow, despite a nasty campaign and tons of Moron.org and ACORN money going to his opponent.
My senator, Rick Santorum, went down. But it was obvious that he was in trouble. Bobby Casey Jr. is still a cipher, despite numerous statewide campaigns, winning as much on the respect tendered his father [the last Democrat I voted for] as anything else. He's still a cipher.
It's time for the GOP to go back to '92, when Newt Gingrich, Bob Walker [my former congressman] and others tormented the Democratic leadership. Find the right folks and start hammering.
It's time for the Justice Department to nail down a few investigations and start banging corrupt congressmen with indictments. There will be Democrats in that net, for sure.
----
Other random notes:
* Despite his loss, Maryland's Michael Steele is still a high-quality gentleman who has a future. Steele for VP in 2008.
* Ditto for high quality in Ken Blackwell out in Ohio. He lost because the GOP in Ohio turned into a bunch of crooks. Blackwell paid for their sins. He'll be back.
----
Hang in there, friends.

Vote early, vote often

2006-11-07T12:39:00.000-05:00

The preceding headline was approved by the Democratic National Committee.
But only if you're not a Republican.
---
Democrats are expecting near-100 percent turnouts from cemetery precincts in Chicago, Detroit, Philadelphia, and Seattle.
---

On Saddam

2006-11-06T10:53:00.000-05:00

One thing's for sure... if he ever does get executed, they won't be hanging an innocent man.
Somehow, though, I wonder if just letting him rot in a 9x12 cell for the rest of his natural life wouldn't be an even greater torture than simply springing the trap. When you consider that he would be denied the luxuries he craved during his power-mad tenure, that would drive him even more wacko than he is now.
It's interesting, though, that the Iranians are applauding the verdict while much of Europe is wringing its hands and the Democrats are calling it a political maneuver.
Is there any doubt that Democrats cannot be trusted with this country while under the influence of the mad left?

Now wait a minute here...

2006-11-03T12:29:00.000-05:00

This comes from Philadelphia...
Philadelphia prison inmates would have greater access to condoms under a policy change being considered by city officials.
Among the changes being considered is the addition of condoms to the commissary list. That would both allow inmates to purchase condoms and send the message to prisoners and guards alike that they are a permitted item.
Prisons Commissioner Leon A. King II declined to discuss the issue yesterday, deferring to his spokesman, Robert Eskind. Eskind acknowledged discussions with activists had been ongoing, but said no decisions had been made.
Now wait a minute here.
Isn't part of imprisonment a denial of some rights? And wouldn't you think that would include sex? So these guys are facilitating a circumvention of the punitive aspect of incarceration?
This isn't anything new, though...
Eskind said issues had been raised about how the current policy, which has allowed condom distribution since 1988, was being adhered to.
"There were concerns that inmates were afraid to ask for them because they were afraid it was contraband," he said. "It's a public health issue. People who are in jail should have the same level of protection as people on the street."
But people in jail aren't supposed to be having sex, are they?
The city policy is already more liberal than most. The vast majority of jurisdictions - including New Jersey and Pennsylvania state prisons - consider condoms to be contraband because they can be used for smuggling.
Yikes!

Revelations

2006-11-02T12:48:00.000-05:00

John Kerry's recent foot-in-mouth exercise was truly a revelation... an insight, as it were, into what the left REALLY thinks about soldiers and service.
Only dummies serve, Kerry's remarks all but shouted out to the American people. It's a view shared by much of the left, a view the left has held since the 1960s.
Those who defended his remarks certainly are amongst the elitists who dominate the left and its political arm, the Democratic Party.
Even more revealing is that Kerry didn't get that an apology was appropriate until some Democrats, fearing repercussions at the polls next week, put the heat on him. The timing of the apology underscores its insincerity.
This was no failed joke, as some of Kerry's defenders claim. This was an insight into how the left and its political arm really think.
I've not been one to put much stock in pollsters' work output. I usually ignore polls and would salute the first so-called "mainstream" media outlet that refused to report on them.
But it was also revealing that an instant Web poll taken by a Philadelphia TV station showed that 26 percent (as I write) of those responding had changed their minds about how they would vote as a result of the Kerry kerfluffle. Now, instant polls are about as worthwhile as instant grits (this comes from someone who actually likes grits, y'all). But if people were motivated enough to punch the button and say that a change has come to their viewpoints, the odds are pretty good that those folks are motivated enough to go to the polls on Tuesday.
Could John Kerry, once again, have put the Republicans over the top?
I hope.

No more dialup!

2006-11-02T12:47:00.000-05:00

We finally broke down and got cable internet service. What a difference. And we'll be back more often now.

Musings...

2006-10-13T03:29:00.000-04:00

* It's always a little more stunning, it seems, when an active athlete dies suddenly, as was the case with baseball player Cory Lidle the other day. These, after all, are people whose bodies have to be in tip-top condition, because that's how they make their (rather choice) living. But it's every bit as stunning when a young life is snuffed out, as happened to a young man who attended the same high school as my kids. He died in a car crash on the way to school Thursday morning. They're the folks we don't expect to see passing. It's a reminder that you just never know when (that said by someone who has more years behind him than ahead of him, in all likelihood).
* North Korea conducts nuke tests. I'd like to test a nuke right on that whackjob Kim's head. Better yet, I'd like to have someone implant a small thermonuclear device inside his rectum and then, at a safe distance, detonate it. If that succeeds, we can then conduct similar implants on Ahmahdenijihad in Iran.
* Am I one of the few who remember the gay Democratic congressman who actually slept with a Congressional page and wound up getting a committee chairmanship? Talk about your bleeping double standards.

That was bad enough...

2006-10-04T14:15:00.000-04:00

It was truly bad enough that the tranquillity of the Amish community not far from here was shattered by the bullets fired by a madman. The media circus actually didn't behave horribly.
But just when you thought things were under control, here comes Fred Phelps and his merry band of loons...
Anyone want to get some gags to stick in these idiots' mouths?
C'mon, have some respect.
UPDATE: They're not coming. It took a one-hour bribe of air time from national talk show host Mike Gallagher to do it, but...
Mike, that's a helluva sacrifice.

Odds and sods

2006-10-02T10:47:00.000-04:00

* The Republicans can be dumb as dirt sometimes. What they ought to be doing right now is this:
1. Get the video and audio of Charles Rangel introducing his bill to reinstate the draft.
2. Build an ad around it.
3. Buy a bunch of time on MTV and rock stations and run the ad saying "Democrats, if they gain control of Congress, will reinstate the draft."
* Mark Foley is the asshat of the year, Congressional division, hands down. How dumb is it to send sexually explicit e-mails to congressional pages? Huh?
* I did a post a while back urging folks to boycott Citgo because of Hugo Chavez. Is anybody listening? Did anybody catch Chavez's act at the U.N.? What a freakin' looney.

First things first

2006-09-26T14:42:00.001-04:00

Family matters take priority right now. Blogging will continue to be light.
Say prayers for the kids -- nothing overly serious (we hope). Taryn's got a bum Achilles tendon, Chris has a nasty eye infection that isn't getting better despite repeated trips to the eye doctor.
And remember the Democrats still haven't given us a clue of their plans. Clueless, starring John Kerry, Howard Dean and Hillary Wrought Iron Clinton.
Later.

First things first

2006-09-26T14:42:00.000-04:00

Read the whole thing...

2006-09-21T10:41:00.000-04:00

Pope Benedict's little speech that has set the whackos in the Islamic fascist world a-twitter is now available for reading here. I recommend it.
The use of a quote from 600 years ago hardly qualifies as the vicious slur being painted.
The point I got from reading the speech was this: Even while we accept God's omnipotence, we cannot accept God as a capricious Creator, who is not bound by His promises. If He is not bound by His promises, then who would have to be?
Enough heavy stuff. Go Penn State!

September 11: Have we learned anything yet?

2006-09-14T10:38:00.000-04:00

Answer: Well, sort of.
Our border security is still a joke.
And a sizable chunk of the country still doesn't get that this is a war, not a police action.
Also, that sizable chunk doesn't get that this enemy is extremely patient. This is not Law and Order, folks, where the perpetrator is captured in 22 minutes, then put on trial in the next 22.
One thing we have learned is the depth of anti-Americanism -- right here in this country.
Not a good lesson to learn, eh?

Why Daddy and Mommy aren't Democrats

2006-09-07T10:27:00.000-04:00

There's a "children's book" out there called "Why Mommy Is A Democrat."
It appeals to the children who now run the U.S. Democratic Party, for sure.
But there is a counter-book now being developed in the bowels of a think tank in Mocanaqua, Pa., called "Why Daddy and Mommy Aren't Democrats."
The book isn't finished yet; however, the cracked research team here at Either Orr has acquired some of the drafts of the text and instructions for illustrations. Here are just a few.
---
Democrats want us all to share... with them. But they forget the rule that when you share things, you return them when you're done.
[Illustration: Donkey with Ted Kennedy's head takes the best toys away.]
---
Democrats cry when they don't get their own way.
[Illustration: Donkey with Howard Dean's head braying its fool head off. Donkey with Harry Reid's head kicks its back legs like an idiot.]
---
Democrats don't stand up to bullies.
[Illustration: Donkey with Hillary Clinton's head licks Osama Looney Bin Ladin's beard. Donkey with Jimmy Carter's head has a leg around Kim Jong Il's shoulder.]
---
More to come as the cracked research team does its thing.

A blood-boiler

2006-09-03T11:18:00.000-04:00

Here's a tale that may boil your blood. Fortunately, someone had some sense...
UPPER UWCHLAN -- Orleans Homebuilders has overruled the Byers Station Homeowners Association’s decision to reject John and Cindy McMahon’s petition to place a two-foot statue of the Virgin Mary in front of their home.
Company officials confirmed earlier rumors about the action Friday under condition of anonymity.
The McMahons remained skeptical, saying the association lied to them before, and they have not received any documentation to that effect.
"As far as I’m concerned, it’s all up in the air," John McMahon said. "It’s kind of odd how they haven’t contacted us, but they’ve talked to the news media."
He said his wife Cindy had spoken with Community Management Services Group Thursday, which told her the order had been rescinded, but John McMahon said the company refused to fax them any documentation.
John McMahon said he wouldn’t believe anything until he receives written documentation from Orleans or the homeowners’ association, because of past incidents when he felt they didn’t keep their word.
When contacted Friday, Community Management Services Group would not comment on the change, and instead directed attention to Orleans, which made the decision.
The association’s board of directors informed the McMahons that their exterior change application had been denied "due to the religious nature of the statue" in an Aug. 15 letter.

A Communist plot

2006-09-02T01:51:00.000-04:00

This storm Ernesto, it's gotta be a Communist plot.
1. Ernesto is raising havoc with a great American tradition, the Labor Day weekend. Therefore, it's gotta be un-American.
2. Ernesto is the given name of Ernesto Guevara, better known to the world as Che. And we all know he was a Commie through and through.
3. Ernesto stopped by Cuba, but didn't do much damage there. Then it picked up momentum to whack the U.S. of A.
Therefore, Ernesto is a Communist plot.
I rest my case.
And you have a good Labor Day weekend.

A year later...

2006-08-28T16:19:00.000-04:00

This past weekend, you couldn't escape hearing or reading about Katrina and New Orleans, one year later.
It struck me that many of the same people who are demanding immediate rebuilding of the Crescent City are the same folks who -- if a thunderstorm left a puddle in your yard -- would attempt to get the area declared a wetland and keep you from doing anything with it.
When you consider that New Orleans is basically built on river silt washed down from Minnesota and points south years and years ago, you have to wonder how really viable a full rebuild is... especially given the fact that some hurricane experts are saying we're going into a period where the heaviest blows will be dealt on the Gulf side of the Florida peninsula.
Just a thought.

Is it time for a Conservative Party?

2006-08-21T11:11:00.000-04:00

Recent commenters have expressed their dismay with the power-drunk, spending-mad Republicans on Capitol Hill and their embrace of the big government agenda.
I share that dismay.
Perhaps it's time to reassert conservative principles on a national scale by the threat of a national Conservative Party.
I don't know about that for sure, but just a warning shot across the bow of the Good Ship GOP Spending Spree might not be such a bad idea.
The caveat: We don't want to follow the example of the Democrats, who have basically been taken over by the extreme left. Those are folks I, for one, don't want anywhere near the levers of power. It's a time when realpolitik must come into play. I don't like that, but the frustrations are building.
Perhaps it's better to allow the left to keep marginalizing itself and go on from there.
Debate welcomed.

Contradiction No. 684

2006-08-16T14:08:00.000-04:00

This will be part of an occasional series of observations on the left...
We pretty much can agree that the left worships at the altar of government. The government is the big, beneficial parent to the leftoids.
Then why are the strongest unions in the US of A right now unions of government employees?
Could it be that the government isn't as beneficial as the left thinks?

A simple idea

2006-08-16T14:05:00.000-04:00

What our diplomatic types need to be saying to Turkey, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Russia, etc...:
Two words: Persian Empire.
Certainly, the Turks, Saudis and Egyptians don't want to be consumed by Teheran. And you can bet your last greenback that the Russians don't want a Persian empire on their doorsteppes, dominating their buffer states.

EON Headline News

2006-08-14T02:48:00.000-04:00

It's time for the Either Orr Network Headline News...

Ceasefire in the Middle East
Well, we've had more ceasefires than Liz Taylor has had weddings. And the ceasefires usually last as long as a Taylor marriage. So...

Terror plot foiled
Sources indicate that the al-Qaeda-linked terrorists were emboldened by empty suit Ned Lamont's win over Sen. Joe Lieberman in the Connecticut Cut-and-Run Party primary. Fortunately, the Brits were onto it and acted quickly.

Preseason NFL play begins
You pay full regular season prices to see the stars play a quarter or two at most, and most of the game played by guys who will never wear an NFL uniform in a regular-season game. Disgusting.

Why is it...
I heard a poll last week on Hannity, indicating that 56 percent of Democrats don't think the U.S. of A. should be allied with Israel. For years, Pat Buchanan has been saying that and has been labelled "anti-Semitic" as a result. Why isn't that label being applied to the Cut-and-Run Party?

The inconvenient truth is...
That Al Gore doesn't practice what he preaches. Are you surprised? Really?

A question answered
If you've ever wondered, as I have, why the left seems enamored of the Islamofascist movement, read David Horowitz's book "Unholy Alliance." What do the left and the Islamofascists have in common? Both hate the U.S. of A.

Later on.

An argument for Southern intelligence

2006-08-09T11:54:00.000-04:00

It can now be demonstrated that people in Georgia are smarter than people in Connecticut.
Voters in Georgia on Tuesday rejected a nutball, while voters in Connecticut rejected a sane person in favor of a nutball.
And, BTW, O'Reilly nailed it on the Left's passion for hate in a piece on Lieberman. These people have perfected hate speech, all the while decrying criticism of them and their off-the-wall agenda as "hate speech."

This ain't me, folks... this is her friends (?)

2006-08-08T16:08:00.000-04:00

Everyone knows Hillary Clinton arouses strong negative feelings from conservatives such as yours truly.
But I bet you didn't think the feelings cross party lines.
Well, according to the Boston Herald, they do...
“Lying b**** . . . shrew . . . Machiavellian . . . evil, power-mad witch . . . the ultimate self-serving politician.”
No prizes for guessing which presidential front-runner drew these remarks in focus groups.
But these weren’t Republicans talking about Hillary Clinton. They weren’t even independents.
These were ordinary, grass-roots Democrats. People who identified themselves as “likely” voters in the pivotal state’s Democratic primary. And, behind closed doors, this is what nearly half of them are saying.
“I was amazed,” says Dick Bennett. “I thought there might be some negatives, but I didn’t know it would be as strong as this. It’s stunning, the similarities between the Republicans and the Democrats, the comments they have about her.”
Bennett runs American Research Group Inc., a highly regarded, independent polling company based in Manchester, N.H. He’s been conducting voter surveys there since 1976. The polls are financed by subscribers and corporate sponsors.
He has so far recruited 410 likely voters in the 2008 Democratic primary, and sat down with them privately in small groups to find out what they really think about the candidates and the issues.
His conclusion? “Forty-five percent of the Democrats are just as negative about her as Republicans are. More Republicans dislike her, but the Democrats dislike her in the same way.”
Hillary’s growing brain trust in the party’s upper reaches already knows she has high “negatives” among ordinary Democrats. They think she can win those voters over with the right strategy and message.
But they should get out of D.C., New York and L.A. more often, and visit grassroots members.
Because we’re not talking about “soft” negatives like, say, “out of touch” or “arrogant.”
We’re talking: “Criminal . . . megalomaniac . . . fraud . . . dangerous . . . devil incarnate . . . satanic . . . power freak.”
Satanic.
And: “Political wh***.”
Wow.
I don't even use that last one to describe her. And to think that a Democrat -- one of her political soulmates -- did is just plain mind-boggling.
In New Hampshire, where people tend not to be given to Kos-like verbal demonstrations... that's even more mind-boggling.
There is hope for us yet.

Back from the beach

2006-08-05T13:43:00.000-04:00

...and even the beach was hotter than Hell (Hell, Michigan, that is).
I'll say this... on the promenade in Sea Isle City Tuesday night, I saw more bra straps than I would in a Sears or Penney's catalogue. That bugged me a bit, 'cause you're not supposed to see those things. Leave a little mystery, please.
It was still an excellent getaway.

Now, for the Welsh version...
...a hyd yn oed 'r gyrru ar y traeth was 'n boethach na Annwfn ( Annwfn Michigan , sy ). Fi ll ddeud hon. acha 'r rhodfa i mewn Aig Isle Caer Nos Fawrth , Canfyddais hychwaneg bra straps na Fi would mewn Sears ai Penney's lechres. A blinedig 'm bit , amdanat re mo 'n dybiedig at canfod hynny bethau. Ad hychydig chyfriniaeth , blesio. Bu gostega an 'n ardderchog ddygwyl.

Yeah, the power IS back, but...

2006-07-26T23:12:00.000-04:00

...the summer isn't the greatest time for blogging for a whole lot of reasons.
1. Honeydo projects. Guys, you know what I mean. I'm almost through the stack.
2. Kids at home. Today, instead of tying up the phone for hours, teens tie up the Web. When they're on, I'm not.
3. Expanded work efforts. They pay.
4. Not a helluva lot to say right now. I'm corraling ideas for a few posts, but they probably won't see the light of day until after our beach vacation.
So, thanks for your concern. Leftists are still the dregs of the earth. Moveon should... permanently. And I still wanna sing "bomb bomb bomb, bomb, bomb Iran."
Enjoy what's left of the summer. I'll stop by once more before vacation, but the boss is out of town at an education conference (I'll brag on her exploits in this project later) and I've gotta be up at 7 a.m. to haul the daughter to swim practice. Grrrrrrrr....
Pax, all.

Powerless

2006-07-20T07:49:00.000-04:00

Well, well, well.
We had us a bit of a storm Tuesday evening.
Our power went out at 6 p.m. Tuesday.
We got it back at 5:30 a.m. Thursday.
Our Amish friends are saying, "Now you know what we live like."

You gotta be kidding me

2006-07-17T12:00:00.000-04:00

Anyway, I'm back.
Last week was spent (A) at one of my favorite places in the whole wide world; and (B) hosting my 4-year-old niece, who's a real sweetheart.
So, Iran's causing more trouble again.
When are we going to get that the only language that a bully understands is brute force?
In the Philadelphia Inquirer yesterday, Trudy Rubin -- who has some pretty good sources in the Middle East, having reported from there for years -- says all Iran really wants is to be considered the first place to turn to in the Islamic world when it comes to settling things. Iran holds all the cards, she infers.
So did Hitler in 1938.
Look where that got us.
And in the New York Post last week, one-time Iranian newspaper editor Amir Taheri says Russia and China won't help, because they figure if things get out of hand, we -- the US of A -- will take care of Ahmahdenijihad in Iran or Crazy Kim in North Korea.
What if we said no?
You think China wants to deal with Crazy Kim?
You think Russia wants an Iran becoming a dominant power influencing the heavily-Islamic nations that came out of the old USSR?
That's the message we maybe ought to be sending.
And maybe we should remind China that the 2008 Olympics are coming up soon in Beijing, and that the absence of the USA would put a big dent in their big showcase.
Enough of the bull already.

Robin Hood in reverse...

2006-07-07T01:45:00.000-04:00

New Jersey was actually shut down for a few days this week.
Really.
At least the government was.
And that meant the casinos were closed, the lottery terminals were closed, the car inspection stations were closed, etc., etc., etc.
How did they end this deadlock?
Well, the Democrat-controlled Assembly went along with Democrat Gov. Jon Corzine (who really wants to run for President in 2012) and agreed to raise the sales tax from 6 percent to 7 percent.
Corzine, in turn, compromised and agreed that half of the revenue from the sales tax would go toward property tax rebates, which are big in New Jersey because local property taxes are obscenely high.
So, follow me on this, now...
Corzine and his Democrat cronies are raising the sales tax, a classic regressive tax which impacts those with less income harder than it does those with higher incomes. Translation: They're taking from the poor.
They're then giving some of that money to people who own property. In the classic Democrat mantra, that's the rich.
So, the bottom line is that the Democrats running New Jersey are going to take from the poor and give to the rich.
Republicans across America, take note. The next time a Democrat cries that Republican tax cuts benefit the rich, tell them that Democrat tax increases benefit the rich and use New Jersey as an example.
I rest my case.

It's been very busy...

2006-07-07T01:39:00.000-04:00

... so for those of you concerned by my absence, don't be. Between work around the house, work, and two kids' schedules, things have become extremely hectic. But I'll be around de vez en cuando (that's for Stacy -- for the rest of you, that's an expression meaning from time to time) as life permits. After all, life is the priority (just try to tell the pro-abortion Nazis that, though).

35 more days...

2006-06-28T01:51:00.000-04:00

...and we'll be caught up to Noah.
I can explain why this is happening.
On Friday, we got three yards of mulch delivered.
Of course, we haven't been able to do squat with it since then.
But work on the ark has begun.

Car price blues

2006-06-24T23:22:00.000-04:00

Canadians gouged on new car prices?
TORONTO - A study finding that the typical new car costs 17 per cent more in Canada than in the United States has "generated a considerable amount of flak from various circles inside and outside the automotive sector," says auto industry analyst Dennis DesRosiers.
The president of DesRosiers Automotive Consultants noted when he released the price data on Wednesday that cross-border comparisons are complex, and he acknowledged Friday that in at least one case the differential was overstated, though in another it was underestimated.
How long will it take for some Liberal to blame Stephen Harper?

New word

2006-06-24T23:18:00.000-04:00

From the addendum to the Dictionary...

nifong (verb): to prosecute a dubious case for re-election purposes.

Go visit...

2006-06-19T11:27:00.000-04:00

The latest in the Carnival of Comedy and Carnival of Satire.

English first

2006-06-14T13:29:00.000-04:00

There's a huge flap in Filthydelphia over a sign at a popular steak sandwich shop.
The sign says THIS IS AMERICA: WHEN ORDERING PLEASE SPEAK ENGLISH.
Two points here...
* If you're a tourist in, say, France, do you expect your waiter to understand if you don't order in French? Not a chance. If you go to Mexico, do you expect your server to take your order in English? No way, Jose. So what's wrong with asking people to order in English???
* Does the left, PC crowd think that the Hispanics are so stupid that they can't learn English? It sure seems that way to me. Or do they really want to ghettoize the Hispanics so they can "help" them the way they've helped blacks in the U.S.?
Enough said. Eat at Geno's.

Well, well, well...

2006-06-14T00:07:00.000-04:00

Karl Rove won't be indicted.
Maybe those NYTimes reporters will be, eh?

Zarqawi: The Musical

2006-06-11T00:19:00.000-04:00

Hard to believe, Harry, but already there's a musical in the works on the life of that no-good Zarqawi, the terrorist leader who met his maker this past week.
"Zarqawi!" is being produced by moron.org and will star Alec Baldwin as Zarqawi and Barbra Streisand as Sharia, his girlfriend.
Here's the story, as we have it...
---
In a small town in Jordan, a rakish sort known as Zarqawi has caught the eye of a fetching Islamic lass name of Sharia. She sings this song for him...

(You're not a kid anymore, You're not a kid anymore)
When people ask of me what would you like to be
Now that you’re not a kid anymore
(You're not a kid anymore)
I know just what to say. I answer right away.
There's just one thing I've been wishing for...
I want to be Zarqawi's girl. I want to be Zarqawi's girl. That's the most important thing to me...
And if I was Zarqawi's girl. If I was Zarqawi's girl. What a faithful, thankful girl I'd be
Each night I sit at home hoping that he will phone
But I know Zarqawi has someone else
(You're not a kid anymore)
Still in my heart I pray there soon will come the day
When I will have him all to myself...
I want to be Zarqawi's girl. I want to be Zarqawi's girl. That's the most important thing to me...
And if I was Zarqawi's girl. If I was Zarqawi's girl. What a faithful, thankful girl I'd be
I want to be Zarqawi's girl
I want to be Zarqawi's girl
I want to be Zarqawi's girl
Zarqawi, being a bit of a cad, composes this tune to sing to Sharia...
The most beautiful sound I ever heard:
Sharia, Sharia, Sharia, Sharia . . .
All the beautiful sounds of the world in a single word . .
Sharia, Sharia, Sharia, Sharia . . .
Sharia!
I've just met a girl named Sharia,
And suddenly that name will never be the same to me.
Sharia!
I've just kissed a girl named Sharia,
And suddenly I've found how wonderful a sound can be!
Sharia!
Say it loud and there's music playing, say it soft and it's almost like praying.
Sharia,
I'll never stop saying Sharia!
The most beautiful sound I ever heard.
Sharia.
But, for his buddies on the Arab street, here's how he sang about the lady...
Ooh my little pretty one, pretty one.
When you gonna give me some time, Sharia?
Ooh you make my motor run, my motor run.
Gun it comin' off the line Sharia
Never gonna stop, give it up.
Such a dirty mind. Always get it up for the touch
of the younger kind. My my my i yi woo. M M M My Sharia...
Come a little closer huh, ah will ya huh.
Close enough to look in my eyes, Sharia.
Keeping it a mystery gets to me
Running down the length of my thighs, Sharia
Never gonna stop, give it up. Such a dirty mind.
Always get it up for the touch
of the younger kind. My my my i yi woo. M M M My Sharia...
When you gonna give it to me, give it to me.
It is just a matter of time Sharia
Is it just destiny, destiny?
Or is it just a game in my mind, Sharia?
Never gonna stop, give it up.
Such a dirty mind. Always get it up for the touch
of the younger kind. My my my i yi woo. M M M My Sharia...
Well, they eventually hooked up and started a family. But something else captured Zarqawi's attention. The Islamic Revolution. Soon, he was spending more and more time hanging out with terrorists and singing this tune...
Revolution rock, it is a brand new rock
A bad, bad rock, this here revolution rock
Careful how you move, mac, you dig me in me back
An’ I’m so hyped up that I rattle
I have got the sharpest knife, so I cut the biggest slice
I must make time to do battle
Everybody smash up your seats and rock to this brand new beat
This here music mash up the nation
This here music cause a sensation
Tell your ma, tell your pa everything’s gonna be all right
Cant you feel it? Don’t ignore it
Gonna be arl-right
Revolution rock, I am in a state of shock
So bad, bad rock, this here revolution rock
Careful how you slide, Clyde, all you did was glide
And you poured your drink in me hat
With my good eye on the beat, living on fixation street
And I ain’t got no time for that
Everybody smash up your seats and rock to this brand new beat
This here music mash up great Satan
This here music cause a sensation
Tell your ma, tell your pa everything’s gonna be all right
Cant you feel it? Don’t ignore it
Gonna be arl-right
Eventually, Zarqawi heads off to training as a full-fledged terrorist, leaving a heartbroken Sharia behind. Her lament...
One less bell to answer
One less goat to fry
One less man to pick up after
I should be happy
But all I do is cry (Cry, cry, no more laughter)
Oh, I should be happy (Oh, why did he go)
I only know that since he left my life’s so empty
Though I try to forget, it just can’t be done
Each time the doorbell rings I still run (I still run)
I don’t know how in the world to stop thinking of him
Cause I still love him so (Love him so)
I end each day the way I start out crying my heart out
Oh, one less man to pick up after
No more laughter, no more love
Since he went, oh, he went away (He went away)
(One less bell to answer) Why did he leave me
(Oh, why, why did he leave)
Now I’ve got one less goat to fry (One less bell to answer)
One less goat to fry (Oh, why, why did he leave)
And all I do is cry
(One less bell to answer) Because a man told me goodbye
(Oh, why, why did he leave)
Somebody tell me please (One less bell to answer)
Where did he go, why did he go (Oh, why, why did he leave)
How could he leave me
Soon, Zarqawi had the reputation of being quick with the blade. At the terror training camps, they were making up songs about him...
Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear
And it shows them pearly white
Just a jackknife has old Zarqawi, babe
And he keeps it … ah … out of sight.
Ya know when that shark bites, with his teeth, babe
Scarlet billows start to spread
Fancy gloves, though, wears old Zarkawi, babe
So there’s nevah, nevah a trace of red.
Now on the sidewalk … uuh, huh … whoo … sunny mornin’ … uuh, huh
Lies a body just oozin' life … eeek!
And someone’s sneakin' ‘round the corner
Could that someone be Zarq the Knife?
A-there's a tugboat … huh, huh, huh … down by the river don’tcha know
Where a cement bag’s just a'droopin' on down
Oh, that cement is just, it's there for the weight, dear
Five'll get ya ten old Zarqy’s back in town.
Now, d'ja hear ‘bout Louie Miller? He disappeared, babe
After drawin' out all his hard-earned cash
And now Zarqawi spends just like a sailor
Could it be our boy's done somethin' rash?
Now … Jenny Diver … ho, ho … yeah … Sukey Tawdry
Ooh … Miss Lotte Lenya and old Lucy Brown
Oh, the line forms on the right, babe
Now that Zarqy’s back in town.
Aah … I said Jenny Diver … whoa … Sukey Tawdry
Look out to Miss Lotte Lenya and old Lucy Brown
Yes, that line forms on the right, babe
Now that Zarqy’s back in town …
Look out … old Zarqy is back!!
Finally, Zarqawi comes to the attention of Osama himself, the godfather of terrorism. Not long after, Zarqawi becomes a made member of the al-Qaeda family, where he and the other new soldiers are forced to sing the al-Qaeda chorus as part of their initiation...
Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
For the Lord Osama Omnipotent reigneth.
Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
For the Lord Osama omnipotent reigneth.
Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
The kingdom of this world
Is become the kingdom of our Lord,
And of His Osama and of His Osama ;
And He shall reign for ever and ever,
For ever and ever, forever and ever,
King of kings, and Lord of lords, Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
King of kings, and Lord of lords, Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
And Lord of lords, Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
And He shall reign,
And He shall reign forever and ever, Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
King of kings, forever and ever,
And Lord of lords,
Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
And He shall reign forever and ever,
King of kings! and Lord of lords!
And He shall reign forever and ever,
King of kings! and Lord of lords!
Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda! Oh, al-Qaeda!
Oh, al-Qaeda!
Soon Zarqawi was a key leader of al-Qaeda and was composing songs to inspire prospective terrorists to reach new heights, such as this one...
Fighting soldiers from the sky
Fearless men who jump and die
Men who mean just what they say
The brave men of the Raspberry Beret
The kind you find in a second hand store
Raspberry Beret
And when it was warm they wouldn’t wear much more
Crescents red upon their chest
These are men, al-Qaeda’s best
One hundred men will test today
But only three win the Raspberry Beret
The kind you find in a second hand store
Raspberry Beret
And when it was warm they wouldn’t wear much more
Trained to live off nature's land
Trained in combat, hand-to-hand
Men who fight by night and day
Courage peak from the Raspberry Berets
The kind you find in a second hand store
Raspberry Beret
And when it was warm they wouldn’t wear much more
Crescents red upon their chest
These are men, al-Qaeda’s best
One hundred men will test today
But only three win the Raspberry Beret
The kind you find in a second hand store
Raspberry Beret
And when it was warm they wouldn’t wear much more
Back at home a young wife waits
Her Raspberry Beret has met his fate
He has died for those oppressed
Leaving her his last request
Put crescents red on my son's chest
Make him one of al-Qaeda’s best
He'll be a man they'll test one day
Have him win the Raspberry Beret
The kind you find in a second hand store
Raspberry Beret
And when it was warm they wouldn’t wear much more
When he wasn't composing songs, he was wielding a deadly scimitar as a brain surgeon. His legend was spread far and wide...
He keeps his trusty scimitar
In his pretty cabinet
'let them eat cake' he says
Just like Marie Antoinette
A built-in remedy
his first dead a Kennedy
At anytime an invitation
You can't decline
Caviar and cigarettes
Well versed in etiquette
Extraordinarily nice
He's a Killer Z
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
Ooh, recommended at the price
Insatiable an appetite
Wanna try ?
To avoid complications
He never kept the same address
In conversation
He spoke just like an imam, I guess
Met a man from China
Went down to Geisha Minah
(Killer, killer, he's a killer Z)
Then again incidentally
If you're that way inclined
Money came naturally from Paris (naturally)
For cars he couldn't care less
Fastidious and precise
He's a Killer Z
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
Drop of a hat he's as willing as
Playful as a pussy cat
Then momentarily out of action
Temporarily out of gas
To absolutely drive you wild, wild..
He's all out to get you
He's a Killer Z
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
Ooh, recommended at the price
Insatiable an appetite
Wanna try ?
You wanna try...
Soon, though, Zarqawi became a wanted man for his deeds...
Stuck inside these four walls, sent inside forever,
Never seeing no one nice again like you,
Mama you, mama you.
If I ever get out of here,
Thought of giving it all away
To a registered charity.
All I need is an infidel a day
If I ever get out of here.
Well, the rain exploded with a mighty crash as we fell into the sun,
And the first one said to the second one there I hope you’re having fun.
man on the run, man on the run.
And security man and Uncle Sam were searching every one
For the man on the run, man on the run, man on the run, man on the run
Well, the undertaker drew a heavy sigh seeing no one else had come,
And a bell was ringing in the village square for the rabbits on the run.
man on the run, man on the run.
And security man and Uncle Sam, were searching every one
For the man on the run, man on the run, man on the run, man on the run
Well, the night was falling as the desert world began to settle down.
In the town they’re searching for us every where, but we never will be found.
man on the run, man on the run
And Bush the judge who held a grudge will search for evermore
For the man on the run, man on the run, man on the run, man on the run
Well, it turned out that Bush the judge and his men caught on to Zarqawi and, well, they dropped one on him. As he lay dying, he saw a U.S. soldier and uttered these dying words...
You were the one that changed my world
You were the one for me
You lit the fuse I stand accused
You were the first for me
But you turned me out baby
You dropped a bomb on me, baby
You dropped a bomb on me.
But you turned me on baby.
You dropped a bomb on me, baby
You dropped a bomb on me.
You were my thrills, you were my pills
You dropped a bomb on me
You turn me out, you turn me on, you turned me loose
Then you turned me wrong
You dropped a bomb on me, baby
You dropped a bomb on me.
But you turned me out baby
You dropped a bomb on me, baby
You dropped a bomb on me.
Sharia saw Zarq for the first time in ages just prior to the fatal bombing. Later, at the market, she sees some friends... Is she really going out with him?
Yeah, I don’t know, there she is
Let’s ask her
Sharia? is that Zarqy’s ring youre wearing?
Aha!
Wow, it must be great riding with him
Yeah, is he picking you up later on today?
A-a!
By the way, where’d you meet him?
I meet him at the Imam’s place
He turned around and smiled at me. Do you get the picture?
Yes, we see
That’s when I fell for the leader of the pack
My folks were always putting him down (down, down)
The said that he came from the wrong side of town
(wrong side of town)
They’d told me he was bad But I know he was sad
That’s why I fell for the leader of the pack
One day my dad said, find someone new
I had to tell my Zarqy we’re through
He stood there and asked me why
But all I could do was cry
I’m sorry I hurt you, the leader of the pack
Well, he sort of smiled and kissed me goodby
And the tears began to fall
And as he went away on that fateful night
I begged him to take care
But if he heard me when the bomb flew through the air I’ll never know
Look out, look out, oh look out!
I felt so helpless, what could I do
Remembering all the things we’d been through
At mosque they’d all stop and stare
I can’t have a chance but I don’t care
I’ll never forget him the leader of the pack...
The leader of the pack, now he’s gone...
And the people of Iraq gathered around to lament Zarqawi...
Pore Zarq is daid,
Pore Zarqawi’s daid,
All gather 'round his cawfin now and cry
He had a heart of ice
And he wasn't very nice
I guess that such a feller had to die
Pore Zarq is daid
Pore Zarqawi’s is daid,
He's lookin' oh so peaceful and serene
(And serene!)
He's all laid out to rest
With his hands acrost his chest
I can’t believe the bloodstains are all clean!
(Spoken)
Then the preacher'd get up and he'd say:
(Chanting)
Folks, we are gathered here to moan and groan over our brother Zarqawi, who got blowed up real good in his smokehouse
(Spoken)
Then there'd be weepin' and wailin'... from some of those women. Then he'd say:
(Chanting)
Zarq was the most misunderstood man in this here territory. People used to think he was a mean ugly feller and they called him a dirty skunk and an ornery goat stealer
(Sung)
But the folks that really knowed him.
(Chant)
Knowed that beneath them two dirty shirts he always wore
(Sung)
There beat a heart as big as all outdoors
(As big as all outdoors.)
Jud Fry loved his feller man
(He loved his feller man)
(Spoken):
He loved the birds of the air and the beasts of the field. He loved the mice and the vermin in the barns, and he treated the rats like equals, which was right. And he loved little children. He loved everybody and everything in the whole world! Only he never let on, so nobody ever knowed it.
(Sung)
Pore Zarq is Daid
Pore Zarqawi’s daid
His friends'll weep and wail for miles around
( Miles Around!)
The daisies in the dell
will give out a different smell
Because Pore Zarq is underneath the ground.
Pore Zarq is daid
A Candle lights his haid
He's layin' in a cawfin made of wood
(Wood…)
And folks are feelin' sad
Cause they useter treat him bad
But now they know their friend is gone for good
( Good!)
Pore Zarq is Daid a candle lights his haid!
He's lookin' oh so purty and so nice
He looks like he's asleep,
It's a shame that he won't keep
But it's summer and we're running out of ice.
Pore Zarq, Pore Zarq.
Sorry about the length, but that's the way it goes.
---
BTW, yours truly (either orr) is now featured as the interviewee at Basil's Blog.

Pore Zarqawi's daid

2006-06-09T02:25:00.000-04:00

From the Rodgers and Hammerhead Songbook comes this hymn to the late and (at least here) hardly lamented Mr. al-Zarqawi...
Curly:
Zarqawi's daid,
Pore Zarqawi's daid,
All gather 'round his cawfin now and cry
He had a heart of ice
And he wasn't very nice
I guess that's why the feller had to die.
Zarqawi's daid,
Pore Zarqawi's daid,
He's lookin' oh so peaceful and serene
Jud:
And serene!
Curly:
He's all laid out to rest
With his hands acrost his chest
And they got his blood-stained fingernails clean!
(Spoken)
Then the mullah'd get up and he'd say:
(Chanting)
Folks, we are gathered here to moan and groan over our brother Zarqawi, who got blowed up real good in his safehouse
(Spoken)
Then there'd be weepin' and wailin'... from some of those women. Then he'd say:
(Chanting)
Zarqawi was the most misunderstood man in this here territory. People used to think he was a mean ugly feller and they called him a dirty skunk and an ornery goat stealer
(Sung)
But the folks that really knowed him.
(Chant)
Knowed that beneath them two dirty shirts he always wore
(Sung)
There beat a heart as big as all outdoors
Jud:
As big as all outdoors.
Curly:
Zarqawi loved his feller man
Jud:
He loved his feller man
Curly (Spoken):
He loved the birds of the air and the beasts of the field. He loved the mice and the vermin in the barns, and he treated the rats like equals, which was right. And he loved little children. He loved everybody and everything in the whole world! Only he never let on, so nobody ever knowed it.
(Sung)
Zarqawi's Daid
Pore Zarqawi's daid
His friends'll weep and wail for miles around
Jud:
Miles Around!
Curly:
The daisies in the dell
will give out a different smell
Because Zarqawi's underneath the ground.
Jud:
Zarqawi's daid
A candle lights his haid
He's layin' in a cawfin made of wood
Curly:
Wood...
Jud:
And folks are feelin' sad
Cause they useter treat him bad
But now they know their friend is gone for good
Curly:
Good!
Both:
Zarqawi's Daid
A candle lights his haid!
Curly:
He's lookin' oh so purty and so nice
He looks like he's asleep,
It's a shame that he won't keep
But it's summer and we're running out of ice.
Both:
Zarqawi, Zarqawi.
----
This footnote... Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is staging a hunger strike because he hasn't yet gotten his 72 virgins. Sources in the post-living world indicate the 72 will not be forthcoming.
"Ain't no virgins in hell," Curly said.

The times they are a'changin...

2006-06-09T02:13:00.000-04:00

It used to be, not so very long ago, that middle-aged men who followed 16-year-old girls were called perverts.
Now, thanks to the exceptionally talented and quite pretty Michelle Wie, they're called golf fans.

The Passion of Mohammed

2006-06-07T23:18:00.000-04:00

Now, from Channel 299: The 21st Century So Far, a movie review segment...

Matt Laidback:
In movie news tonight, protests are taking place all over the uncivilized world over the new movie, “The Passion of Mohammed.” Thousands of protesters marched through the streets of Tehran, Damascus, Mecca and Paris demonstrating against the film. Christiana Amarealrich reports from Damascus.
Christiana:
“Death to the US. Death to the infidels who lie about Mohammed.” Those are the chants here on the streets as angry Muslims denounce “The Passion of Mohammed.”
Wahhabi Al-Jihad:
All those involved in this, a fatwa upon them. No man may blaspheme the prophet.
Christiana:
Several protesters told me they planned to move to Mexico and begin the fatwa shortly. Christiana Amarealrich, Damascus.
Kate Perky:
Now, with a review of the movie “The Passion of Mohammed,” here’s our movie reviewers, Alec Baldwin and Pat Robertson.
Alec:
Boy, am I glad I’m not in this one.
Pat:
I, for one, wish I could have seen your talents displayed in this work from Salmon Fishrie, you no-talent fornicator. This is a must-see movie. Salmon Fishrie is definitely swimming upstream in this historical work.
Alec:
Yeah, but George W. Bush is an idiot.
Pat:
Stick to the movie, Alec. That explains why you are a no-talent fornicator. Anyway, I talked with Salmon Fishrie, who is now in hiding thanks to the fatwa that was placed upon him by the Islamofascists.
Salmon:
This is a historical work. This is not a watered-down version of the truth designed to cater to people’s sensitivities. Mohammed was a real man. In order to portray him in all his many facets, we had to make it a very graphic film, much as Mel Gibson did in his “Passion of the Christ.”
Pat:
But as I understand it, Salmon, you were not able to convince the rating board to give your film an R. They tagged your film X-rated.
Salmon:
That’s right, Pat. But the sex scenes, and, yes, there are sex scenes -- frankly, Mohammed was quite the stud, according to historical accounts -- are no steamier than anything you would see on Desperate Housewives. The dhimmi cabal in Hollywood, of which your colleague Mr. Baldwin is a charter member, rose up and threatened a strike if the rating board gave “The Passion of Mohammed” an R rating.
Pat:
That would have been no loss, just like Mr. Chavez in Venezuela.
Alec:
I resemble that remark.
Pat:
Is that why you used unknowns for the leading roles in your film?
Salmon:
Yes. I didn’t want people seeing the film to focus on the actors, but on the story. It is a compelling story, indeed.
Pat:
I understand that the film is doing very well.
Salmon:
Yes, it has exceeded my expectations. In fact, it is now in profit after only three weeks of release. Most films take months, if not years, to be profitable.
Alec:
None of mine have ever made money, you, you, you [expletive beeped out]…
Pat:
Jealous, are we, now, Alec? Anyway, Salmon Fishrie, thank you, God bless you and good luck.
Salmon:
Thank you, Pat. Actually, I’m hoping to cast Alec in my next film.
Alec:
I’ll take it. I’ll take it.
Salmon:
Good. You’ll play the lead role in “The Execution of the Fatwa on Salmon Fishrie.”
Alec:
Uh, uh, well, er, um…
Kate:
Thank you, gentlemen and Alec, for that report.
----
By the way, Channel 299's first draft is now complete and in the hands of a friend who is reviewing it for me. More details later.

Study: Environmentalists caused global warming

2006-06-05T02:17:00.000-04:00

A new study is being released today that demonstrates conclusively that environmentalists are largely responsible for whatever global warming exists.
Dr. B. Reel of the Institute of Deep Thoughts and Discount Duodenum Surgery of Wapwallopen, Pa., and Dr. X. Pert of the Canadian Institute of Research in Okotoks, Alberta, made the announcement.
"There are two primary reasons that environmentalists are responsible for global warming," Dr. Reel said.
"First," said Dr. Pert, "is that environmentalists forced the end of what we found was the smog era. The reduction in pollutants that once left much of the nation's industrial base under thick clouds of smoke means that more sunshine is getting through to the earth. More sunshine means more warmth."
"Second," Dr. Reel added, "is that environmentalists tend to hold conferences with alarming frequency. The only way they can get there is to fly. Since most of these environmentalists wouldn't be caught dead with normal people, they tend to fly in private jets. Those babies really burn those fuels. Al Gore himself is responsible for more global warming in one trip than 1,000 SUVs would be in an entire year. And he has made thousands of trips to promote his agenda, and that's what it is, an agenda."
The solution?
"Make Al Gore drive a Yugo to all of his conferences. And make him fly tourist class. That'll stop it right there."

Congratulations, Canada...

2006-06-04T01:07:00.000-04:00

...for foiling a terrorist plot to do some serious damage in the Greater Toronto Area with the arrest of 17 people on the weekend. They had enough materiels stockpiled to do some very, very, very serious damage -- three times the amount of stuff Timothy McVeigh used to blow up the federal building in Oklahoma City.
But the most grating quote coming out of the stories on the arrests came from Toronto's far-far-far-left mayor, David Miller. From the CP dispatch:
Toronto Mayor David Miller said he hoped the investigation would provide more information on why young people might get involved in terrorist activities.
"We need to know that so we can try some strategies to try to prevent that from happening again."
Dear Mr. Mayor, you don't get it, do you? Those who are going to engage in terrorist activities are going to do so, no matter what grandiose schemes you might come up with (at taxpayers' expense, of course). And the reason terror cells spring up is because the Islamoterrorists hate the very freedoms that you are supposed to defend. Ask one of them what they think about, say, gay marriages. If they don't spit in your face, you'd be fortunate.
The only way you're going to stop terror is to defeat the terrorists.
You in Canada have now won a major victory. But you can't rest on your laurels, because the damned terrorists won't rest.

Someone to root for...

2006-05-31T23:33:00.000-04:00

...is Sgt. Peter Damon. He's suing corpulent schlockumentarian Michael Moore.
BOSTON (AP) - A veteran who lost both arms in the war in Iraq is suing filmmaker Michael Moore for $85 million US, alleging that Moore used snippets of a television interview without his permission to falsely portray him as anti-war in Fahrenheit 9/11.
This is a man to root for.

Presidential news conference

2006-05-31T13:37:00.000-04:00

(an excerpt from Channel 299: The 21st Century So Far by either orr and the society of impalers... more details later)

Matt Laidback:
I’m Matt Laidback. Welcome to a Channel 299 News special. We take you live to the White House, where President Bush is going to hold a news conference…
Distinguished sounding chap:
The President of the United States.
Pres:
Thank ya. I’m here tonight to announce a special new program. As you know, the price of gasoline has gone through the roof. I can’t hardly afford to fill up my SUV, and, as you know, as president, I make a lot of money. So I can only imagine what this is doing to you. We’ve gotta do something about this, to reduce our addiction to oil from that greasy Ahmahdenijihad fellow in Iran. So I’ve ordered the scientists in the Energy Department to immediately begin work on developing an alternative fuel made from sewage. We’ve got tons of it produced every single day across this great nation of ours. So it only makes sense that we try to use this natural resource. We’ll have experimental plants up and running in 90 days in New York, Washington, Boston and Hollywood and we hope we’ll be producing enough fuel to power fully one-half of our nation’s cars by 2008. Questions.
Reporter 1:
Gregory David, Channel 299 News. Why New York, Washington, Boston and Hollywood?
Pres:
Well, Gregory, there’s a saying we have down in Texas. Go where the action is. In this case, we have to go where the crap is. And our experts have informed me that those four places have the greatest concentration of pure, unadulterated crap in the country. That’ll reduce our transportation costs.
Reporter 1:
Following up, Mr. President. Will more plants be built in the so-called Red States?
Pres:
Well, Gregory, we’ve found that things are generally not as crappy there, so it’s not the most efficient thing we can do right now. Perhaps in the future, but we’ve gotta make sure this will work.
Reporter 2:
Jim Jones, Washington Post Toasties. What kind of Kool-Aid have you been drinking, Mr. President? What makes you think this will succeed?
Pres:
Jim, we’re not 99 and 44/100ths percent sure that it will work. But we’re darn close to that sure.
Reporter 2:
Following up, Mr. President. Why is Channel 299 News the only news we can watch here in the White House?
Pres:
It’s because you’re too darned lazy to get up and change the channel. Next question.
Reporter 3:
Helen Thomas, Dead Reporter Walking. Have you informed Mr. Ahmadenijad of your intentions? If not, why not?
Pres:
Helen, darlin’, he’s hearing about it as you’re hearing about it. But we do have some top-secret plans for some of the sewage we’ll be processing in our treatment plants.
Reporter 3:
Mr. President, are you saying that you are developing sewage bombs to drop on Iran?
Pres:
They don’t need any more sewage, they’re so full of it.
Distinguished sounding chap:
Thank you.
Announcer:
Channel 299 News now presents, as it does after every presidential news conference, Talking Heads with an analysis of the President’s address.
David Byrne:
Letting the days go by, let the sewage hold me down
Letting the days go by, sewage flowing underground
Into the blue again after the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime, sewage flowing underground.
Tina Weymouth:
This ain’t no party, this ain’t no disco, this ain’t no foolin’ around.
Chris Frantz:
I said it once. Why say it again?
Jerry Harrison:
Take me to the river, rock me on the water.
Announcer:
That’s our Talking Heads report on the president’s news conference. CSI: Tamaqua will return next week at its regularly scheduled time. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming on Channel 299, where there’s always something on.

The Wilsons...

2006-05-26T13:14:00.000-04:00

Announcer:
Keeping the world safe for socialist and fascist tyrants and liberals of all stripes, it’s the Wilsons. Starring Susan Sarandon as Valerie Plame Wilson and Tim Robbins as Joe Wilson.
[Scene: Wilsons at the kitchen table at breakfast]
Valerie:
Today, Joe, honey, you’ve got to get in touch with Ketchup Boy.
Joe:
Val, darlin’, why do we have to use all this spy talk in the house?
Valerie:
Joe, I’ve told you before. You know Karl Rove is monitoring our conversations here. We’d do that to him if we could. That’s what spies do.
Joe:
Still, darlin’, it seems kind of silly. After all, the whole world knows you’re a spy for Mr. Big.
Valerie:
Just don’t forget to reach out to Ketchup Boy. Tell him the yellow cake got left out in the rain and it’s washed away. No problemos.
Joe:
Wait a minute. Ketchup Boy doesn’t speak Spanish. I know problemos is Spanish.
Valerie:
You forget, Joe, honey. His wife speaks Spanish. She can translate that for him. Mr. Big was a perfect matchmaker for that one, huh?
Joe:
Yeah, even though she’s a bit of a nutball.
Valerie:
That’s her cover, Joe. Now don’t forget to tell Ketchup Boy what I told you. Use the pay phone in Arlington. The one by the cemetery. It’s clear.
Joe:
Gotcha, darlin.’ [stands up] Remember, I gotta do that story for the Times today. See ya later. [leaves]
Valerie:
Love ya, stud muffin.
---------
[scene: a phone booth in Reston, Virginia]
Valerie:
Plame Wilson reporting, sir.
Mr. Big:
How are you, Valerie?
Valerie:
I’ve been better, sir. It doesn’t seem that we are getting very far. Everything we’ve tried seems to last for only about 15 minutes.
Mr. Big:
I know. It’s the luck of Andy Warhol. Fifteen minutes of attention and then, poof! It’s gone. They thought Ronald Reagan was Teflon. This guy is 10 times the Teflon old Ronald, rest his soul, ever was.
Valerie:
What’s our next step, sir?
Mr. Big:
I’ve got three assignments for you. It’s going to mean losing your shallow cover, but it’s going to be necessary for the good of our program.
Valerie:
As you say, sir. What is required of me?
Mr. Big:
First, you must reach out to our friends at the Grey Lady. One of them will contact you. It’s got to come out about where you draw your paychecks. The person who contacts you will be one of ours. You will know when she mentions the name of Scooter that she is the one you must inform.
Valerie:
Consider it done, sir.
Mr. Big:
Also, a gentleman from Chicago will be reaching out to you. He, too, will let you know that he is the one by his use of the phrase Scooter. Do what he advises you to do.
Valerie:
Again, consider it done, sir.
Mr. Big:
The third duty requires you to reach out to the girl named Charlie. She is a colleague of yours, I believe.
Valerie:
I do see her from time to time, yes, sir.
Mr. Big:
She will have the assignment of exposing the places where our operatives are being kept in hiding in Europe. She has more knowledge of that than you, I am led to understand.
Valerie:
Yes, that is her field of expertise, sir.
Mr. Big:
You are to tell her that two gentlemen from the Toasties and two gentlemen from the Grey Lady will be contacting her. All four gentlemen are instructed to use the code phrase Gitmo Europe. When she hears that phrase, she is to disclose to them all of the information they request.
Valerie:
I may see her today, sir. Should I pass this information on then?
Mr. Big:
Today or tomorrow, Valerie. But please, by week’s end.
Valerie:
Again, consider it done, sir.
Mr. Big:
And how is Joe doing?
Valerie:
The amiable dunce is well, sir.
Mr. Big:
He was chosen not for his intellect, Valerie, but for his ability to keep you happy.
Valerie:
He does, sir [giggles embarrassingly]. He does.
Mr. Big:
That’s good. Good luck, Valerie.
Valerie:
Thank you, sir.
---------
Announcer:
Next, on The Wilsons:
Valerie:
Joe, honey, would you reach out to your friends at the Grey Lady? Tell them there’s something they should know.
Announcer:
The Wilsons is a moron.org production.

Ugly George strikes again

2006-05-26T13:10:00.000-04:00

George Galloway, the British MP and noted Saddam apologist and oil-for-food profiteer, has done it again...
LONDON (AP) - Maverick British politician George Galloway has said it would be "morally justified" for an assassin to target Tony Blair but that he was not advocating such an attempt on the prime minister's life, according to a magazine interview.
In comments published in GQ magazine on Friday, Galloway was quoted as saying an attack on Blair that caused no other casualties would be a justifiable response to the war in Iraq.
"It would be entirely logical and explicable - and morally equivalent to ordering the deaths of thousands of innocent people in Iraq as Blair did," the magazine quoted Galloway as saying.
However, Galloway added that if he knew anyone was planning such an attack, he would inform the police.
As to comment, Blair's official spokesman replied: "I think it's best that we say nothing."
"We may say nothing, but we think plenty," added the spokesman, who was contacted by telephone in Washington where Blair met with U.S. President George W. Bush.
Galloway was kicked out of Blair's Labour party for urging British soldiers not to fight in Iraq. He subsequently won a new seat in the House of Commons last year as founder of the Respect party.
What is most interesting:
Galloway was in Cuba and not immediately available to confirm that he made the comments.
The bastard.

Dressing for Dhimmis

2006-05-22T02:21:00.000-04:00

Given that Iran has declared its intentions to take over the civilised world, it's now also preparing programs to show us how we're going to live in the future. From Teheran TV comes this new programme:

Announcer:
Welcome to Dressing for Dhimmis, your best chance to prepare your wardrobe for the future under Islam. Here’s your host, Mahmoud Ahmahdenijihad.
Mahmoud:
Thank you, Abdul al-Wahhabi, audience, but remember, all glory goes to…
Audience:
Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah!
Mahmoud:
Yes, indeed, brothers in the Qu’ran. But let’s show our future subjects how they will dress. Let’s bring out our first model with the daytime burqa.
[A very slender model emerges]
Announcer:
This stunning burqa in blood-red matches exquisitely with this deep purple gown. It is well within the bounds of decency so lacking in the West.
Mahmoud:
Yes, indeed, Abdul. And for that, we give all glory to…
Audience:
Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah!
Mahmoud:
Indeed. But our model here looks ill. We do not have such thin people in Iran. She looks like a poster child for the poverty of the West. Ahmed [a burly bodyguard type emerges], take her and put her on a diet of two goats a day. And tell our producer not to hire such a waif like her again. We need healthy models to properly display the fashions of the future, a future filled with…
Audience:
Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah!
Mahmoud:
We’ll return with a look at evening wear in Dressing for Dhimmis.
Audience:
Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah!
---------
Band (to tune of Rock the Casbah by the Clash):
Bombing the barracks, bomb the barracks.
Great Satan won’t like it.
Bombing the barracks, bomb the barracks.
Announcer:
What a classic that was. Now, for the first time on one CD, you can get Hezbollah’s Greatest Hits. Remember such classics as “Blasted in Gaza,” “Terror in Tel Aviv,” “Jerusalem Blues” and “Suicide is Painless”…
Band (to tune of the Theme from M*A*S*H):
Suicide is painless,
When in great Allah’s service.
Six dozen virgins wait at heaven’s door.
Announcer:
And there’s so much more. Classics like “Hell in Haifa,” “Flood of Blood,” and so much more. Yours now, for the first time on one CD, for just $19.99. Order now.
Second announcer:
Call 1-555-JIHADIST. That’s 1-555-JIHADIST. Operators are standing by.
--------
Announcer:
We now return to Dressing for Dhimmis with Mahmoud Ahmahdenijihad.
Mahmoud:
Thank you, Abdul. As promised, it’s time for a classic evening burqa that will most assuredly bring the glory to…
Audience:
Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah!
Announcer:
Our evening burqa is a light purple, coordinated perfectly with the virginal white of the gown. An appropriate outfit for dining, going to evening prayers to…
Audience:
Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah!
Announcer:
And so much more.
Mahmoud:
Ah, this model is more like it. Much healthier. And quite ravishing in white.
Model:
This outfit is not for me.
Mahmoud:
Do you not wish to be desirable in the eyes of…
Audience:
Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah!
Model:
Let me speak this way. Sir, are you married?
Mahmoud:
Yes, I am.
Model:
It is surprising.
Mahmoud:
May I ask why you say that?
Model:
Yes. A good Muslim woman would never touch a pig.
Mahmoud (outraged):
Ahmed, take her away now!
[Ahmed and Abdul drag the model away, kicking and screaming]
Well, next time on Dressing for Dhimmis, we’ll have that model back to show what you wear to your execution. I’m Mahmoud Ahmahdenijihad. Join me again next time, when Dressing for Dhimmis give the glory to…
Audience:
Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah! Al-lah!
Announcer:
Dressing for Dhimmis is an Ayatolldyaso Production.

fmragtops for President

2006-05-19T10:25:00.000-04:00

Yes, friends, we've decided to make an early endorsement for president in 2008. We're backing fmragtops, the pride of the bayou, on the Impaler Party ticket. Go check out his campaign and his Presidential Carnival of Comedy.

Where's the money?

2006-05-17T13:17:00.001-04:00

All that money for Canada's gun registry?
And the Liberals claim they're broke?
This is one house, Mr. Cotler, that deserves to be burned to the ground and rebuilt.

Lighter than usual

2006-05-17T13:09:00.000-04:00

Friends, things will be light for a spell as I'm working on a major project, The 21st Century So Far.
Some of it you've seen before in posts here. Some of it first appeared in somewhat different form. Some of it is brand new.
I intend to open up a new site when I get far enough into the project to present it (keeping the current one, of course) and would welcome your observations.
Thanks,
either orr

Hillary: More foot-in-mouth disease

2006-05-15T12:54:00.000-04:00

Hillary strikes again...
NEW YORK -- After telling an audience that young people today "think work is a four-letter word," Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton said she apologized to her daughter.
"I said, 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to convey the impression that you don't work hard,'" Clinton said Sunday in a commencement address at Long Island University. "I just want to set the bar high, because we are in a competition for the future."
Clinton spoke to more than 2,000 graduates days after she criticized young people at a gathering of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce in Washington.
In those remarks, she said young people have a sense of entitlement after growing up in a "culture that has a premium on instant gratification."
The senator said that her daughter, Chelsea, phoned to complain after learning about the comments. The 26-year-old was hired in 2003 by McKinsey & Co. as a consultant, reportedly for a six-figure salary. She received a master's degree from Oxford University after graduating from Stanford University in 2001.
"She called and she said, 'Mom, I do work hard and my friends work hard,'" Clinton said Sunday.
New York's junior senator, who is up for re-election this year, also told the graduates she plans to introduce a bill that would help college students manage and repay their loans. The proposal would limit loan payments to a certain percentage of their incomes, she said.
Hey, Hillary, tell that to my 16-year-old son, who works part-time at a sandwich shop. Tell that to my 16-year-old nephew, who works part-time in a machine shop. Tell that to my other 16-year-old nephew, who works part-time in an auto body shop. By the way, all three of them are regular honor roll visitors.
Hey, Hillary, tell that to my 14-year-old daughter, who's going to work as a junior lifeguard this summer. Tell that to my 19-year-old niece, who holds down a part-time job while going to college full-time. Tell that to my 24-year-old nephew, who holds down two jobs while pursuing his graduate degree and a job in his field.
Hey, Hillary, join the real world.
We won't forget in 2008, darlin.'

Presidential news conference

2006-05-15T12:46:00.000-04:00

Distinguished sounding chap:
The President of the United States.
Pres:
Thank ya. I’m here tonight to announce a special new program. As you know, the price of gasoline has gone through the roof. I can’t hardly afford to fill up my SUV, and, as you know, as president, I make a lot of money. So I can only imagine what this is doing to you. We’ve gotta do something about this, to reduce our addiction to oil from that greasy Ahmahdenijihad fellow in Iran. So I’ve ordered the scientists in the Energy Department to immediately begin work on developing an alternative fuel made from sewage. We’ve got tons of it produced every single day across this great nation of ours. So it only makes sense that we try to use this natural resource. We’ll have experimental plants up and running in 90 days in New York, Washington, Boston and Hollywood and we hope we’ll be producing enough fuel to power fully one-half of our nation’s cars by 2008. Questions.
Reporter 1:
Gregory David, Channel 299 News. Why New York, Washington, Boston and Hollywood?
Pres:
Well, Gregory, there’s a saying we have down in Texas. Go where the action is. In this case, we have to go where the crap is. And our experts have informed me that those three places have the greatest concentration of pure, unadulterated crap in the country. That’ll reduce our transportation costs.
Reporter 1:
Following up, Mr. President. Will more plants be built in the so-called Red States?
Pres:
Well, Gregory, we’ve found that things are generally not as crappy there, so it’s not the most efficient thing we can do right now. Perhaps in the future, but we’ve gotta make sure this will work.
Reporter 2:
Jim Jones, Washington Post Toasties. What kind of Kool-Aid have you been drinking, Mr. President? What makes you think this will succeed?
Pres:
Jim, we’re not 99 and 44/100ths percent sure that it will work. But we’re darn close to that sure.
Reporter 2:
Following up, Mr. President. Why is Channel 299 News the only news we can watch here in the White House?
Pres:
It’s because you’re too darned lazy to get up and change the channel. Next question.
Reporter 3:
Helen Thomas, Dead Reporter Walking. Have you informed Mr. Ahmadenijad of your intentions? If not, why not?
Pres:
Helen, darlin’, he’s hearing about it as you’re hearing about it. But we do have some top-secret plans for some of the sewage we’ll be processing in our treatment plants.
Reporter 3:
Mr. President, are you saying that you are developing sewage bombs to drop on Iran?
Pres:
They don’t need any more sewage, they’re so full of it.
Distinguished sounding chap:
Thank you.
Announcer:
Channel 299 News now presents, as it does after every presidential news conference, Talking Heads with an analysis of the President’s address.
David Byrne:
Letting the days go by, let the sewage hold me down
Letting the days go by, sewage flowing underground
Into the blue again once the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime, sewage flowing underground.
Announcer:
That’s our Talking Heads report on the president’s news conference. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming on Channel 299, where there’s always something on.

Ask away, ask away...

2006-05-15T10:24:00.000-04:00

Basil, the host of the Blog Interviews, will be interviewing yours truly next month. Please to give him some ammunition here.

The Baritones

2006-05-12T10:37:00.000-04:00

Announcer: While most of the major organized crime families in the United States have been decimated by prosecutions, one small family continues to elude the watchful eye of the feds.
Welcome to The Baritones….
(theme music)
[Don Guiseppe, the boss of the Baritones, is sitting in his office with his trusted consigliore, Little Steven. Tony Bananas walks in.]
Tony: Hey boss, you wanna see me?
Don G: Yes, Tony, sit down. How are you?
Tony: Doin’ fine, boss. Steven, how about you?
Steven: I’m well, Tony, thanks for asking.
Tony: You need something, boss?
Don G: Yes, Tony. You know Johnny Capistrano, runs with the California crew? They call him Don Juan ‘cause he’s the ladies man.
Tony: Yeah, I know him.
Don G: Well, he’s got a problem. And he’s givin’ me a headache, you know what I’m sayin’?
Tony: Yeah. Whatcha need?
Don G: Why don’t you give this guy a one-way ticket to Lower Slobbovia?
Tony: Sure, boss, I can do that. I’ll get on it right away.
[Tony leaves.]
Steven: Are you sure we can trust this guy? He’s not exactly the brightest bulb in the lamp, you know.
Don G: Yeah, I know. But who else we got? I don’t wanna use anybody with any real brains. We don’t have enough of them to keep our thing going, you know what I’m sayin’? If he screws up, hey, we got 20 more just like him.
(theme music)
Announcer: We’ll return to The Baritones in just a moment after this word from one of our sponsors.
Vito: Hi, Baritones fans. This is Vito DeVito from Hitman Motors and we’re glad to be bringing you this show. We here at Hitman Motors have a long history of serving our families. We’ve been a family-owned business since 1929, specializing in taking care of the needs of the extermination corps of families since the days of Al Capone. In fact, Hitman Motors’ first big job was creating the car used for the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. So you know we’re reliable. We’ve got your work cars, complete with hiding places for all of your extermination needs. We’ve also got reliable, tested crash cars to use when you’re leaving a job. And so much more. So stop in and see us at Hitman Motors, at the corner of Maim and Disfigurement Streets in the Windy City. We’ve also got locations in New York, Boston and Philadelphia for those of you on the East Coast who need our services. That’s Hitman Motors. Call us at 1-800-KILLERS. That’s 1-800-KILLERS for Hitman Motors… serving families all over America since 1929.
(theme music)
Announcer: Now, back to The Baritones.
[The next day, Don G and Steven are back in the office, drinking espresso. A radio tuned to an all-news station plays in the background.]
Don G: I hope it don’t take too long for Tony to take care of that crumb.
Steven: Yeah, we’re getting a lot of heat from the Scandalos to get the job done.
[The radio plays the sound effects for a major bulletin.]
Radio announcer: A reputed organized crime figure was killed….
Don G: Turn that up.
[Steven turns up the radio.]
Radio announcer: … at Newark International Airport today in what police believe was a foiled hijacking attempt. The dead man is identified as John Capistrano, reputedly a mid-level member of the Scandalo family. Sergeant Slaughterer of the Newark Airport Police has more…
Sgt. Slaughterer: The deceased Mr. Capistrano was fighting with the pilot as he was about to board Flight 666 to Lower Slobbovia. Another passenger scheduled to take the flight jumped in to help the pilot…
Steven: Holy shit!
Sgt. Slaughterer: … and attacked Mr. Capistrano repeatedly with a pair of box cutters. Mr. Capistrano eventually collapsed and was pronounced dead at the scene.
Radio announcer: The passenger who helped the pilot has been identified as Wahhabi Al-Jihad, an Iranian national. Police told 1990 News that Mr. Al-Jihad was being questioned, but that they expected to free him, as other witnesses to the incident have told police that Mr. Al-Jihad was only coming to the defense of the pilot. We’ll have more details later.
Don G: Jeez, I gotta hand it to Tony. He got some Ay-rab to take the crumb out. None of our fingerprints anywhere near this one. Guess he’s got more brains than we thought.
Announcer: We’ll return to The Baritones in just a moment after this word from one of our sponsors.
Dom: Hi, this is Dom from Dom’s Loan and Savings. Are you down on your luck, in need of a few bucks? See me, Dom, president and chief loan officer at Dom’s Loan and Savings, located at the back of Joe’s Billiards on Desolation Row, just one block from Hitman Motors. Need to pay your bookie? Behind on your alimony? Or you just need a few bucks for that hot blondie you’ve been dyin’ to hook up with? See me, Dom. Easy terms available, as always, but it’s always on my terms. That’s Dom’s Loan and Savings. You get the loan, I get your savings.
(theme music)
Announcer: Now, back to The Baritones.
[Don G is in his office, alone. Tony comes in, breathless.]
Don G: Tony, my friend, come in. Sit down. How are you?
Tony: Didja hear about Johnny?
Don G: Yes, you did well.
Tony: Whaddaya mean? All I did was get Johnny the ticket to Lower Slobbovia.
Don G: You mean you didn’t get the Ay-rab?
Tony: What Ay-rab?
[Don G sighs loudly.]
Announcer: Tune in again next week for another edition of The Baritones, when you’ll hear Don Giovanni say to Tony…
Don G: How are those shoes, Tony?
Tony: They’re heavy, boss.
Don G: Good. They’re supposed to be.
[Sound of gunshots. Tony screams, then hits the floor.]

Carnival, carnival

2006-05-11T11:49:00.000-04:00

The Carnival of Satire, edition 33 (the Kareem Abdul-Jabbar version) is in the house. Go enjoy.
And Phat is where it's at... the Carnival of Kennedy, er, Comedy, that is.

Joe Quaffer, Conservative daredevil

2006-05-11T02:21:00.000-04:00

Joe: Hi, I'm Joe Quaffer, Conservative daredevil. Today, I'm about to embark on a stunt that would daunt even the bravest of men. I'm going to sit down here at the computer and listen to a podcast from the most hideous, foul-mouthed leftist Web site on the planet.
(Joe sits down, in full stunt gear. Friends gather around. Joe clicks on the site.)
Sound from the computer: George Bush [bleeping noise]. The pope [bleeping noise]. [Bleeping noise...]
(Joe collapses. Friends rush up to him and pull out a Conservative Beer. Joe revives.)
Joe: Whew! That was close. Don't try this at home.
Announcer: Joe Quaffer, Conservative daredevil, brought to you by Conservative Beer. Right. Always right. Always.

The John Sanity Show

2006-05-11T02:12:00.000-04:00

Announcer: Live from midtown Weehawken, where no man fears to tread, but most women do, it's three hours of truth, justice and the American Way... Standing up for what's right... it's the John Sanity Show!
John Sanity: Thank you, Shot Cannon, and hello, friends. Three hours a day is all we need. Of course, it's the three hours that we're here, bringing you the best, the most complete, the most honest news and information of the day. Remember, this is the only voice of Sanity that you will ever hear on your radio dial, here on the John Sanity Show.
Later on in the program, we'll talk with Ann Coatrack about her new book, "Dogless," and how the left plans to take all of our canines and turn them over to the Evil Puppy Blender. We'll review Teddy Kennedy's new book, "100 Proof -- Why I Never Left the Senate After 44 Years." We'll have an update with the mother of the Aruban girl who disappeared in southern Alabama two months ago in the case that has caused a national furor. And, on Sanity and None tonight, we'll have a shootout with the San Francisco supervisor who wants to ban straight marriages in his city.
We've got a lot to get to today on the John Sanity Show. Remember, three hours a day is all we need. These three hours that I'm here with you, the only voice of Sanity you'll ever hear on your radio dial.
First, though, I'm really steamed about the letter that the president of Iran, Ahmadenijihad, sent President Bush. Diplomacy? Well, maybe more than Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, the two most scary names in the U.S. today, except for Hillary Clinton. And yes, tomorrow, we talk with John Podhoretz, the author of a new book who argues that Hillary will be the next president... unless. We'll get him to tell us what the unless is right here on the only voice of Sanity you'll ever hear on your radio dial. And tomorrow night, on Sanity and None, we'll get into a real shootout with the demon of the left, Al Frankenstein. 9 Eastern. More John Sanity, straight ahead...

Dirty Laundry 2006

2006-05-10T02:18:00.000-04:00

Back in the late 1980s, Don Henley was tired of the negative gossipmongering he heard on the TV news and wrote the anthem "Dirty Laundry."
It needs updating to reflect what's really going on.
Now, for your dancing and listening pleasure, we present "Dirty Laundry 2006"...

I used to be the anchor on the evening news.
Now I'm on my own, with everything to lose.
I've got the untrustworthy blues.
That's my dirty laundry.
I used to have the power, but I'm not alone.
Ratings are a-fallin' while the Web has grown.
The winds of change have fully blown
the cover off our dirty laundry.
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down

See the bubble-headed bleached blonde. She hates George Bush.
When Bill was in the White House he would fondle her tush.
We're certain that her brain is mush.
That's her dirty laundry.
See the foreign correspondent in a Baghdad hotel.
He couldn't tell an Iraqi from a snowball in hell.
He thinks al-Qaeda is just swell.
That's his dirty laundry.
See the snarky old reporter from the New York Times.
She used to be respected, but now she's despised.
She fills her prose with left-wing lies.
That's her dirty laundry.
We don't have a clue now, we just have to pass.
We wouldn't know the truth if it bit us in the a**.
Cut us off now at the pass.
Burn our dirty laundry.
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down

See the former star producer; she don't work here.
Fake but accurate don't work now; let me make myself clear.
Go cry in someone else's beer.
Stuff your dirty laundry.
If we really want to find out what's going on
We don't look to you and your tired old song.
To us, you're going, going, gone
with the dirty laundry.
See them spew their diarrhea, they can't handle the facts.
It certainly appears they all ODed on Ex-Lax.
They're nothin' but a bunch of hacks
Sellin' dirty laundry.
Now your stupid ratings are in the tank.
That's a rubber check you're trying to take to the bank.
We know your mind's a total blank.
Bleep your dirty laundry.

Yes, global warming did it...

2006-05-09T12:58:00.000-04:00

Global warming has been blamed for just about every “unusual” climatic event of the past decade or so.
Now, there’s a scientist who claims global warming’s effects impact not only the weather, but elections as well.
Dr. Noah Zark of the Hot Air Institute, a government-funded think tank in Upper Sasquatch, B.C., claims that the election results in the U.S. in 2004 and in Canada in 2006 are a direct result of global warming.
Dr. Zark explains his theory thusly…
“When people are warmer, they are more active. As they become more active, their brains become more active as well. Our research has shown that the more active people’s brains are, the more likely they are to want to take control of their own destiny.
“This is a natural situation for small-c conservatives to profit. Whether it’s the Conservative Party in Canada or the Republican Party in the U.S.A., people’s instincts when they are warmer are to move away from the security blanket offered by the leftist organizations, such as the Liberal Party of Canada and the Democratic Party of the U.S.A. That blanket becomes stifling, too hot, as it were.
“We also found commonalities in the air patterns in the days immediately preceding the election. There was an inordinate amount of hot air blowing about, usually approaching from the left. This did not benefit the Liberals or the Democrats, despite the fact that it appeared that they were behind the increase in hot air. It was, in fact, counterproductive for them, and may have, in fact, cost them the elections.”
Dr. Noah Zark has even come up with a name for this phenomenon.
“This is, indeed, the winds of change.”

And now, a word from one of our non-sponsors...

2006-05-09T02:36:00.000-04:00

Hello, I'm Dem. Dem O'Crat. Owner and proprietor of Dem's Diner here at the corner of Idiot Walk and Loser Lane here in Nowheresville.
We're proud of the fact that we are now open to serve you, the American sucker public, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Our breakfast special this week is the Hillary Waffle. No matter which way the wind is blowing, the Hillary Waffle will always be right there.
Check out our a la Kos menu. Our tables are arranged so that you are always served from the left. No right-wing diatribes here.
For those who like an adult beverage with their meal, Dem's Diner offers the Kennedy Room, with more than 150 varieties of whine... er, wine... for your pleasure.
Our most popular selection is the Bush Lied Concorde. It repeats and repeats without end.
Then, there's the Grand Impeach, with a stubborn taste that just won't go away.
And our Spanish-speaking customers love the Nocom Prendo, a wine that will leave you baffled by everyday English.
Taxes are never included in the prices on our menu. We hit you with them on the way out, after it's too late.
We don't take reservations here at Dem's Diner, but you can always call ahead to see how long you'll have to wait to feast on such delicacies as the Pelosiburger, made out of the finest tofu; Chicken Kerry, smothered in ketchup; Roast Byrd; and more.
Just call us at Dem's Diner at 1-999-BUSHLIE.
That's the truth.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled ripoff.

Join the brigade...

2006-05-02T14:02:00.000-04:00

We devour the Left with truth and common sense. We are...

The Flying Space Monkey has landed...

2006-05-02T13:56:00.000-04:00

... in the anniversary Carnival of Comedy.
(and he finally remembered to put my submission in!)

Bad news for the Canadian tourism industry

2006-05-02T10:35:00.000-04:00

It looks like the Canadian dollar is getting stronger...
TORONTO (CP) - Stock markets opened modestly higher while the Canadian dollar cracked 90 cents US Tuesday morning, setting new 28-year highs amid optimism for the economy and higher oil and gold prices.
The loonie opened at 90.13 cents US, up 0.3 cent and traded later in the morning at 90.16, after rising 0.38 cent on Monday.
The Conservative minority federal government will present its first budget at 4 p.m. EDT, after financial markets close, but this wasn't a major factor in the latest loonie surge, said Shaun Osborne, chief currency strategist at Scotia Capital.
He suggested that the currency could rise to 92.5 cents US over the next few weeks, with "a continuation of gradual Canadian-dollar appreciation over the medium to longer term as well."
Which means the U.S. tourist dollar won't go as far in the Great White North. So you might not see as many of us (which, given the way some folks up there treat cars with American license plates, probably would be a good thing).
But you conservatives can come on down, because now your dollars will go farther here.
Looking forward to seeing you.

The legend of Jimmie Webbfoot

2006-05-01T12:38:00.000-04:00

A great discovery has been made.
The legend of Jimmie Webbfoot will live forever.
Now, direct from the CBC Office of Canadian Music Fascism comes the Lost Jimmie Webbfoot Collection.
Hear the all-time best from the Troubadour of the Prairies, the aboriginal artist from the Watchagondoo band in Uranium City, Saskatchewan, in these treasures that have been lost for years. Thrill to "By The Time I Get To Kamloops"...
By the time I get to Kamloops she'll be rising
She'll find the note I left hangin' on her door
She'll laugh when she reads the part that says I'm leavin'
'Cause I've left that girl so many times before
By the time I make Alberta she'll be working
She'll prob'ly stop at lunch and give me a call
But she'll just hear that phone keep on ringin'
Off the wall that's all
By the time I make it to Brandon she'll be sleepin'
She'll turn softly and call my name out loud
And she'll cry just to think I'd really leave her
Tho' time and time I try to tell her so
She just didn't know I would really go.
Remember legends past, like "Transcona Park"...
Transcona Park is melting in the dark,
all the winter ice pack flowing down...
And there was "Saskatoon"...
Saskatoon, oh Saskatoon, I am so afraid of dying
Before I dry the tears she's crying
Before I hear your wolfhounds braying at the moon
In Saskatoon. In Saskatoon.
And "Out, Out and Away"...
Would you like to ride in my beautiful pontoon?
Relax the nights and days in my beautiful pontoon?
We can hit the lake and feel like we'll touch the sky.
Come on and try, come on and try.
Out, out and away in my beautiful, my beautiful pontoon.
Don't forget this lament for days gone by in "Where's The Hay Gone, Lucy?"
Where's the hay gone, Lucy?
It used to grow right here before they built the mall.
And there's so much more from the legendary Jimmie Webbfoot.
But that's not all when you get the Lost Jimmie Webbfoot Collection. You'll get this collection of Canadian Classicks.
Dig Leonard Skinner's "Sweet Home Nova Scotia"...
In Halifax they love the parliament
Now we all did what we could do
Now Adscam does not bother me
Does your conscience bother you?
Tell the truth
Sweet home Nova Scotia
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home Nova Scotia
Lord, I'm coming home to you
Here I come Nova Scotia
Then there's Pequeno's "Ottawa Summer"...
Ottawa summer is on its way
The pols are gone, we all can play
Ain’t no black clouds filled with taxes
No lyin' cheats to well astound us
And the Ad Libidos' classic "The Boy From Quebec City"...
Ooo wah, ooo wah cool, cool kitty
Tell us about the boy from Quebec City
Ooo wah, ooo wah c’mon kitty
Tell us about the boy from Quebec City
He just speaks French
A real mensch
And he puts Toronto boys right on the bench
And the blues are Canadian, too, as Blind Bill croons those "Vancouver Blues"...
I woke up this morning, I had them Vancouver blues,
I woke up this morning, had them Vancouver blues.
Tired of Eastside junkies, Lord, I really have paid my dues.
This dynomite set also includes "Great Alberta Freedom" by R.K. Dwight...
`Cause I live and breathe this great Alberta freedom
From the day that I was born I've waved the flag
Great Alberta freedom took me knee-high to a man
Yeah gave me peace of mind my daddy never had
Order now, The Lost Jimmie Webbfoot Collection and Canadian Classicks.
---
All proceeds benefit the CBC Liberal Survival Fund.
---
With apologies and great regards to Jimmy Webb, Elton John, Lynyrd Skynyrd, the Ad Libs, and Poco.

Needless to say, they were empty

2006-05-01T10:15:00.000-04:00

In Cyprus, they've set a record of a unique kind...
PAPHOS, Cyprus (AP) - Campaigners in Cyprus on Sunday said they had created the world's longest chain of bras to raise awareness of breast cancer and win a place in the Guinness Book of Records.
The activists said they managed to string together some 114,000 bras, beating the current record held in Singapore since 2003, of 79,000 bras.
"We know how many bras we have and we have beaten the record," said Gina Ghillyer, an activist with the local cancer patients support group that organized the event.
Hundreds of people assembled at this seaside city's small harbour early Sunday to help form a colourful chain of bras donated from around the world.
Unfortunately, no photos were available to document this claim at this time.

Coming attractions...

2006-05-01T02:09:00.000-04:00

The cracked research team here at either orr has come across a recording of a little-known Canadian music legend.
We'll have more details on this stunning event sometime in the next few days.

There's another Muslim cartoon...

2006-04-27T10:29:00.000-04:00

This one comes from Signe Wilkinson of the Philadelphia Daily News, published Wednesday 4-26-06...
When will the firestorm come?

It's Thursday...

2006-04-27T10:04:00.000-04:00

And the prof from London has delivered another stirring Carnival of Satire, in which your host here is featured.
Also, thanks go to Ferdy for linking Whose Country Is It Anyway (see below).

Softwood: In the home stretch

2006-04-26T12:54:00.000-04:00

Hate to say I told you so, but...
TORONTO (CP) - Canadian and United States officials are closing in on a framework agreement that could finally resolve the long-standing softwood lumber dispute, sources said late Monday.
All it took was a government in Ottawa that was interested in a resolution, not posturing.
With Mr Harper, Canada has that government. And the deal will get done.
Another reason to have voted Conservative.
UPDATE: Late Wednesday, the framework was in place...
VANCOUVER (CP) - Canada and the United States took a major step Wednesday to end their three-decade trade war over lumber, hammering out a framework for negotiating a long-term deal that would exchange punitive U.S. duties for a managed-trade regime.
The goal is to provide certainty for Canada's $10-billion annual softwood lumber export business after years of costly legal fights with its American competitors, backed by the U.S. government.

Whose country is this, anyway?

2006-04-24T15:23:00.000-04:00

Subtitled: Songs of the Undocumented Worker
One of my favorite TV shows (a short list, believe me) is Whose Line Is It Anyway?
I’ve been a fan of both the original English version and the Drew Carey American version. Both are quite good.
The cracked research team here at either orr, though, has discovered an unaired sequence of the show that will absolutely knock your socks off.
Clive Anderson, the host of the Brit version, does a special guest turn in this piece as the host, with Drew Carey, Ryan Stiles, Colin Mochrie and Wayne Brady taking on the challenge.
Here, courtesy of the transcription staff here, is the complete, unexpurgated (no 18-minute gaps in the tape) routine.
-----
Clive:
Now, the star challenge of the night is to come up an infomercial for songs of the undocumented worker. Ryan and Colin will be the announcers, Wayne and Drew will sing.
Ryan:
You know, Colin, illegal immigrants don’t have it so tough.
Colin:
Yes, I know, Ryan, and we’ve even found the songs they’re singing as the work their way through America. And we’ve got ‘em all in Songs of the Undocumented Worker, with the biggest stars in the music world contributing their talents to this masterpiece.
Ryan:
And we’ve got samples of these great tunes. Here’s Phil Collins…
Wayne:
It’s such fun being an illegal alien, I gotta tell you
It’s such fun being an illegal alien, there’s millions of us
It’s such fun being an illegal alien, we’re taking over
Colin:
Yes, and even the Boss himself has an offering…
Drew:
My son was born in the USA,
He was born in the USA,
Now they have to let me stay ’cause he was
Born in the USA.
Colin:
David Crosby and Graham Nash teamed up to present this little ditty for Songs of the Undocumented Worker…
Wayne and Drew (in some sort of harmony):
I’ve gotten in, immigration man
And I’ve got you by the balls
Watch me runnin’ down your halls
Ryan:
Even the dead are coming back to life for this special event.
Colin:
No.
Ryan:
Yes. Here’s the late country legend Marty Robbins…
Drew:
Down in the west Texas town of El Paso
I fell in love with a Mexican girl
Nobody told me that she was illegal
Now I must spend the next three years in jail
Colin:
Now where do the proceeds of this go, Ryan?
Ryan:
All proceeds from Songs of the Undocumented Worker go to the NACLU.
Colin:
The NACLU?
Ryan:
Yes, the Non-American Civil Liberties Union. It’s the adjunct of the ACLU for the undocumented worker.
Colin:
Are our documents in order? After all, we’re Canadians.
Ryan:
Yes, they are. Now, here’s another selection from a new band called Ozma…
Wayne:
I’m in the truck
There’s dozens of us stuffed in here
Can’t stand up, no room to sit down
no turning back to this country town
But I’m comin to you, my brown-eyed girl
Soon I'll be in your American world
Colin:
John Prine is one of the unknown legends of music. He’s joined the chorus for Songs of the Undocumented Worker…
Drew:
You may see me tonight with an illegal girl
She don’t cost very much, but she lasts a long while
Won’t you please tell the man I didn’t kill anyone
I’m just tryin’ to have me some fun.
Ryan:
Colin, this is such an exciting record. Even Led Zeppelin has reunited for this event…
Wayne:
We come from the land free of Taco Bell,
Where there is no work and it’s hot as hell.
How soft your fields so green,
Can whisper tales of Al Gore,
Of how we turned the tides of war.
We are your overlords.
On we sweep, your border porous,
Our only goal will be the western shores.
Colin:
And how much more soulful can you get than James Brown?
Wayne:
Living in America - not Mexico, I’m in a real nation
Living in America - I won’t get caught, I’m filled with elation
Living in America - got to have a celebration
Ryan:
We’ve even gotten Freddy Fender from the country scene to add to the Songs of the Undocumented Worker…
Drew:
I know it’s tough in a strange land
I got my money to the man
And I’m headin’ north tonight
Everything will be all right
And I'll be there
Before the next teardrop falls
Colin:
You know, there’s another side to this. But the undocumented workers can laugh at the people such as the Minutemen. We’ve even brought the Eagles to sing the Minuteman’s Lament…
Drew:
Oh, ooh, I’m out on the border
I just got hit with a fine
Don’t you tell me ’bout your law and order
When there’s millions crossin’ the line
Ryan:
But, Colin, no collection of Songs of the Undocumented Worker is complete without Motown.
Colin:
You’re right, Ryan, so here’s Smokey Robinson and the Miracles…
Wayne on lead, Drew on background:
Goin’ to the U.S. (Yes, I am now)
Goin’ to the U.S. (baby, come on now)
It doesn’t matter if you go stag
It doesn’t matter if you go drag
It’s just the place to go, come on and join the show
Most every trucker that you flag is
Goin’ to the U.S. (ooh ooh ee ee)
Goin’ to the U.S. (Vicente says it’s cool)
Dontcha wanna go?
Ryan:
It’s so good, and it’s all yours -- for just $39.99.
Colin:
That’s all?
Ryan:
No, Colin. There’s more. If you call now 1-976-ILLEGAL, you’ll get a free bonus disc, Songs of the Democratic Presidential Candidates.
Colin:
With this classic from the Plastic Ono Band…
Drew:
One, two, three, four
Everybody's talking about
Silly Billy and his Hilly
Scary Kerry, Rheingold Feingold,
Time and Warner, gobble, gobble, gobble…
All we are saying is give Dean a chance,
All we are saying is give Dean a chance
Ryan:
There’s this New York classic…
Wayne:
My man is Feingold, the right man
Think of Feingold if you want to win, man
He’s refreshing, not sweet
He’s the Democrats’ treat
Won’t you try extra dry Feingold here?
Colin:
And Tommy Boyce and Bobby Hart and the Monkees chime in…
Drew:
There’s a girl who wants the White House in 2008.
And I hope she gets it, cause I know that she‘ll be great.
They call her Hillary.
I love my Hillary.
Ryan:
Yes, these and more for no extra charge for just $39.99 when you order Songs of the Undocumented Worker. Here’s more from the bonus disc from Bobby Freeman and Bette Midler…
Wayne:
Do you Warner dance into the White House,
Throw the Bushies out into the night?
Oh Baby, do you Warner dance?
Colin:
And Neil Diamond is part of this fabulous bonus collection…
Drew:
He’s the right man, Yes, yes he is
Ah, the man’s outta sight, yeah
Says the right things, Yes, yes he does
And he’ll do them all right, yeah
He got the way to move me, Kerry
He got the way to groove me, Kerry baby
All right.
Ryan:
Just think. Songs of the Undocumented Worker and Songs of the Democratic Presidential Candidates, all yours for just $39.99.
Colin:
Call now, 1-976-ILLEGAL.
Ryan:
That’s 1-976-ILLEGAL.
Colin, Ryan, Drew and Wayne together:
Remember, 1-976-ILLEGAL. Call NOW!
Clive:
That was tremendous. No points.

Reworking a classic

2006-04-23T00:10:00.000-04:00

Heard an old Genesis tune the other day, and immediately decided its lyrics were sadly and badly outdated.
So, as a service to a pretty good band, the cracked research team here at either orr has come up with a fresher, more realistic and more accurate set of lyrics.
Now, for your dancing and listening pleasure, enjoy "Illegal Alien 2006":

Got out of bed, and I’m feeling too good
With my wallet and fake passport, a new pair of shoes
The sun is shining so I head for the park,
With a bottle of tequila, and a new pack of cigarettes

I got a cousin and she got a friend,
Who thought that her aunt knew a man who could help
At his apartment I knocked on the door,
He wouldn’t come out until he got paid.

Everybody knows what I’m gonna do
The way things are now, you know I’ll get through, cos

It's such fun being an illegal alien, I gotta tell ya
It's such fun being an illegal alien

Down at the office had to fill out the forms
A pink one, a red one, the colours you choose,
Up to the counter to see what they think
They said it doesn’t count man, it ain’t written in ink.
But it doesn‘t matter; I‘m going, you see, cos

It's such fun being an illegal alien, I tell ya
It's such fun being an illegal alien, yeah yeah yeah yeah
It's such fun being an illegal alien, there’s millions of us
It's such fun being an illegal alien, An illegal alien, o.k.

Consideration for your fellow man
Would not hurt anybody, it sure fits in with my plan
Over the border, there lies the promised land
Where everything comes easy, you just hold out your hand

Keep your suspicions, I’ve seen that look before
But I ain’t done nothing wrong now, is that such a surprise
But I’ve got a sister who’ll help get me free
If I’m ever in trouble, I can count on Hillary

Everybody knows what I’m gonna do
The way things are now, you know I’ll get through, cos

It's such fun being an illegal alien, I tell ya
It's such fun being an illegal alien, there’s millions of us
It's such fun being an illegal alien, yeah yeah yeah yeah
It's such fun being an illegal alien, yeah yeah yeah

It's such fun (big time fun) being an illegal alien, I tell ya that
It's such fun being an illegal alien, I tell ya
It's such fun being an illegal alien, there’s millions of us
It's such fun (you won‘t believe it) being an illegal alien,
It's such fun being an illegal alien, and that’s what I am.

UPDATE: Thanks to Basil for linking this.

A step in the right direction

2006-04-20T12:48:00.000-04:00

Well, whaddaya know...
WASHINGTON -- Immigration agents arrested seven executives and hundreds of employees of a manufacturer of crates and pallets as part of a crackdown on employers of illegal workers.
Authorities raided offices and plants of IFCO Systems in at least nine states, including Pennsylvania, the culmination of a yearlong criminal investigation, law enforcement officials said. Raids took place in Biglerville, Adams County (Pa.); at several locations in upstate New York; Charlotte, N.C.; Cincinnati; Houston; Indianapolis; Phoenix; Richmond, Va., and Westborough, Mass.
Now, that's the right idea. Make the jokers who knowingly hire illegals pay a price for it. If those execs got scammed by phony green cards, that's another story. But there's another avenue of investigation if that was the case... find out where the phony green cards are coming from.
"ICE has no tolerance for corporate officers who harbor illegal aliens for their work force. Today's nationwide enforcement actions show how we will use all our investigative tools to bring these individuals to justice, no matter how large or small their company," said Immigration and Customs Enforcement chief Julie Myers.
And there's more...
Last week, operators of three restaurants in Baltimore pleaded guilty to similar immigration charges, while nine people affiliated with two temporary employment agencies that do business in New Jersey, Ohio and Pennsylvania were charged in a $5.3 million scheme involving the employment and harboring of illegal aliens.
Several immigration proposals pending in Congress would stiffen penalties against employers who hire illegal immigrants.
If you want to stop the flood of illegals, start by enforcing the law. Not just along the border, but in the heartland, too.

Well, duh, yourself

2006-04-20T12:35:00.000-04:00

Last week (yeah, I know I'm late in getting this up, but after all, I was away) began a controversy over a proposed statue on the campus of Villanova University.
The high priestess of abortion in Philadelphia, Daily News columnist Jill Porter, explained it this way... (link may not be available... go to www.philly.com and search for Jill Porter).
A student organization called Villanovans for Life spearheaded a drive to buy a statue of the Virgin Mary and Jesus as the centerpiece of a centrally located memorial for what it calls the "victims of abortion" - provoking an emotional debate on campus.
The controversy was curtly dismissed by supporters who cited Villanova's church affiliation as the sole and decisive justification for the sculpture:
It's a Roman Catholic school. The church opposes abortion. End of argument.
Well, that's true.
But it's also precisely the kind of narrow-minded thinking that typifies the anti-choice movement.
When it comes to narrow-mindedness, there are few more narrow-minded than the abortion proponents. Porter's history is a prime example.
But her closing lines say a lot more...
...the university's board of trustees ducked the controversy for the time being by delaying a vote on approving the sculpture until its next meeting in June.
Which gives board members time to consider whether something is wrong even if you have the right to do it.
Jill, baby, what do you think the pro-life movement is saying?
Consider this... abortion for convenience's sake is wrong, even if you have the right to do it.
All she wants to do is stifle one side of the debate. Such wonderful support for free speech from a journalist, huh? Free speech, unless you disagree with me.
Come shut me up, ok?

Back and in gear

2006-04-19T14:23:00.000-04:00

I'm back after a few days of R and R with the family on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Well enjoyed and the weather was grrrrreat. If you ever get the opportunity, go there.
Anyway, it's Stanley Cup playoff time and you can go find my picks here.

More carnivalia...

2006-04-13T14:30:00.000-04:00

The Carnival of Comedy gets a different look at Point Five this week. Looks good.
And the Skwib, the pride of London, Ontario, delivers another Carnival of Satire.
Enjoy 'em both.

Happy anniversary to me

2006-04-13T00:07:00.000-04:00

One year ago today, a small voice ventured into the blogosphere.
I'm still here, so I guess it's my first blogiversary.
And I'd like to thank the visitors who have been by, said hi, etc., etc., etc.
They've come from a lot of different places...

U.S.A.
ALABAMA: Alabaster, Anniston, Birmingham, Florence, Gadsden, Haleyville, Huntsville, Madison, Meridianville, Mobile, Needham, Opelika, Phenix City, Pinson, Selma, Summerdale, Talladega, Vincent
ALASKA: Anchorage, Fairbanks, Homer, Juneau, Ketchikan, North Pole
ARIZONA: Apache Junction, Avondale, Bisbee, Bullhead City, Chandler, Cottonwood, Flagstaff, Fort Huachuca, Gilbert, Glendale, Higley, Lake Havasu City, Mesa, Phoenix, Prescott, Prescott Valley, Scottsdale, Sierra Vista, Sun City West, Tempe, Tucson, Wittmann
ARKANSAS: Bryant, Cabot, Cherokee Village, Egypt, Glencoe, Hot Springs, Jonesboro, Lavaca, Little Rock, Sage, Springdale, Vilonia, West Helena
CALIFORNIA: Aliso Viejo, Alhambra, Alta Loma, Anaheim, Antioch, Atwood, Azusa, Bakersfield, Bellflower, Belvidere, Benicia, Berkeley, Brea, Burbank, Calimesa, Camarillo, Camp Pendleton, Carmichael, Cerritos, Chatsworth, Chico, Chino Hills, Chula Vista, Citrus Heights, Clayton, Clovis, Concord, Copperopolis, Corona, Costa Mesa, Covina, Davis, Downey, Dublin, Dunsmuir, Edwards AFB, El Cajon, El Centro, El Segundo, El Toro, Elk Grove, Emeryville, Encinitas, Escalon, Escondido, Fairfield, Foster City, Fowler, Fremont, Fresno, Fullerton, Gilroy, Glendale, Hacienda Heights, Hawaiian Gardens, Hayward, Helendale, Hesperia, Huntington Beach, Inglewood, Irvine, Jackson, Kingsburg, La Mirada, La Puente, La Quinta, Laguna Niguel, Lake Forest, Lakewood, Lancaster, Loma Linda, Lompoc, Long Beach, Los Alamitos, Los Altos, Los Angeles, Los Olivos, Los Osos, Malibu, Manteca, Maywood, Milpitas, Mira Loma, Mission Valley, Mission Viejo, Modesto, Monterey Park, Montclair, Morgan Hill, Mt Shasta, Mountain View, Newhall, Newport Beach, North Hollywood, Northridge, Novato, Oakdale, Oakland, Oceanside, Ontario, Orange, Oxnard, Palm Springs, Palo Alto, Panorama City, Paramount, Pasadena, Perris, Petaluma, Pinole, Placentia, Placerville, Pleasanton, Pomona, Poway, Rancho Cordova, Rancho Cucamonga, Rancho Palos Verdes, Redding, Redlands, Redondo Beach, Redwood City, Richmond, Ridgecrest, Riverside, Rosamond, Roseville, Sacramento, Salinas, San Clemente, San Diego, San Dimas, San Francisco, San Gabriel, San Jose, San Juan Capistrano, San Leandro, San Lorenzo, San Luis Obispo, San Marcos, San Rafael, San Ramon, Santa Ana, Santa Barbara, Santa Cruz, Santa Fe Springs, Santa Monica, Santa Ynez, Signal Hill, Simi Valley, Sonora, Stanford, Studio City, Sun City, Sunland, Sunnyvale, Sunol, Sylmar, Tarzana, Thousand Oaks, Tiburon, Torrance, Turlock, Tustin, Upland, Valencia, Vallejo, Venice, Ventura, Visalia, Vista, Walnut Creek, Waterford, Watsonville, West Covina, West Hollywood, Westminster, Whittier, Williams, Winnetka, Yorba Linda, Yuba City, Yucaipa
COLORADO: Arvada, Aurora, Boulder, Breckenridge, Colorado Springs, Commerce City, Crestone, Denver, Englewood, Estes Park, Fort Collins, Grand Junction, Greeley, Hudson, Johnstown, La Junta, Lakewood, Littleton, Longmont, Loveland, Mead, Montrose, Niwot, Peyton, Pueblo, Westminster
CONNECTICUT: Bloomfield, Bridgeport, Brookfield, Cheshire, Danbury, Darien, East Haven, East Lyme, Fairfield, Gales Ferry, Groton, Hartford, Manchester, Mansfield, Meriden, Monroe, New Haven, New Milford, Newington, Norwalk, Orange, Pomfret Center, Putnam, Redding, Ridgefield, Shelton, Simsbury, Somersville, Stamford, Storrs, Torrington, Waterbury, Watertown, West Haven, West Hartford, Westport, Willimantic, Wilton
DELAWARE: Dover, Newark, New Castle, Wilmington
DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA: Washington
FLORIDA: Alachua, Altamonte Springs, Apopka, Babson Park, Boca Raton, Bonifay, Boynton Beach, Bradenton, Brooksville, Cape Coral, Clearwater, Clermont, Crawfordville, Davenport, Daytona Beach, DeBary, Deerfield Beach, DeLand, Destin, Dunedin, Edgewater, Eglin AFB, Evinston, Fort Lauderdale, Fort Myers, Fort Pierce, Fort Walton Beach, Gainesville, Hialeah, Holiday, Hollywood, Jacksonville, Jupiter, Kissimmee, Lake Mary, Lakeland, Largo, Longwood, Maitland, Marco Island, Melbourne, Miami, Miami Beach, Milton, Naples, New Port Richey, Ocala, Orlando, Palm Bay, Palm City, Palm Coast, Panama City, Pensacola, Pinellas Park, Pompano Beach, Port Charlotte, Rockledge, Sanford, Sarasota, Satellite Beach, Seminole, St Petersburg, Spring Hill, Stuart, Tallahassee, Tampa, Tarpon Springs, Tavares, Valparaiso, Venice, Vero Beach, West Palm Beach, Winter Haven, Winter Park
GEORGIA: Acworth, Alpharetta, Athens, Atlanta, Augusta, Blairsville, Brunswick, Canton, Centerville, Clarkston, Cleveland, Columbus, Conley, Dahlonega, Dawsonville, Decatur, Dublin, Duluth, Dunwoody, Ellijay, Eton, Fortson, Grayson, Inman, Kennesaw, LaGrange, Lavonia, Lawrenceville, Lebanon, Lilburn, Lithonia, Macon, Marietta, McDonough, Moultrie, Newnan, Norcross, Peachtree City, Porterdale, Roswell, St Mary’s, Savannah, Smyrna, Statesboro, Stone Mountain, Suwanee, Talking Rock, Thomasville, Tucker, Warner Robins, Woodstock
HAWAII: Hawi, Hilo, Honolulu, Kahului, Kailua, Kaneohe Bay, Kapolei, Lahaina
IDAHO: Boise, Coeur d’Alene, Ketchum, Mountain Home, Post Falls, Twin Falls
ILLINOIS: Addison, Arlington Heights, Aurora, Bartlett, Bedford Park, Belleville, Bloomington, Bolingbrook, Brookfield, Carbondale, Carlinville, Carol Stream, Champaign, Chenoa, Cherry Valley, Chicago, Crystal Lake, Danville, Davis, DeKalb, Downers Grove, East Alton, Effingham, Elgin, Elk Grove Village, Elmhurst, Eureka, Evanston, Evergreen Park, Fairbury, Fairview Heights, Glen Ellyn, Glenview, Gurnee, Highland Park, Highwood, Jerseyville, Joliet, Lincolnshire, Lombard, Long Grove, Manhattan, Mattoon, Melrose Park, Monmouth, Morton Grove, Mt Vernon, Naperville, Normal, North Aurora, North Chicago, Northbrook, Oak Park, O’Fallon, Palatine, Peoria, Quincy, River Forest, Rock Island, Rockford, Roselle, St Jacob, Savoy, Schaumburg, Sesser, Skokie, Springfield, Tinley Park, Washington, Waukegan, Westchester, Wheaton, Wheeling, Willowbrook, Winfield, Wood Dale, Woodlawn, Woodstock
INDIANA: Attica, Bloomington, Cambridge City, Chesterton, Columbus, Crown Point, Dillsboro, Elkhart, Evansville, Fishers, Fort Wayne, Gary, Goldsmith, Greens Fork, Griffith, Indianapolis, Lafayette, Lynn, Michigan City, Mishawaka, Nappanee, New Albany, Noblesville, North Vernon, Notre Dame, Parker City, Peru, Portage, Princeton, Rolling Prairie, South Bend, Valparaiso, Warsaw, West Lafayette, Westville
IOWA: Ames, Burlington, Cedar Falls, Cedar Rapids, Clinton, Creston, Denmark, Des Moines, Fairfield, Fort Dodge, Grinnell, Hamburg, Harlan, Iowa Falls, Laurel, Madrid, Marshalltown, Sioux City, Union, West Branch, West Des Moines
KANSAS: Alma, Beloit, Derby, Edna, Eudora, Gardner, Independence, Lansing, Lawrence, Liberal, Little River, Newton, Olathe, Ottawa, Overland Park, Partridge, Pretty Prairie, Pittsburg, Salina, Scott City, Shawnee, Topeka, Waverly, Wichita
KENTUCKY: Ashland, Auburn, Bardstown, Bellevue, Bethelridge, Burkesville, Covington, Crestwood, Florence, Fort Knox, Frankfort, Glasgow, Glenview, Lexington, Louisville, Marrowbone, Murray, Shepherdsville, Sizerock, Versailles, Whitesburg
LOUISIANA: Albany, Baker, Baton Rouge, Elizabeth, Gonzales, Hammond, Kenner, Lake Charles, Metairie, Monroe, New Orleans, Ponchatoula, Shreveport, Slidell, Springhill, Thibodaux
MAINE: Bangor, Bar Harbor, Bar Mills, Brunswick, Gorham, Lubec, North Monmouth, Ogunquit, Old Orchard Beach, Pittsfield, Portland, Saco, Scarborough, Waterville, York
MARYLAND: Aberdeen, Andrews AFB, Arnold, Baltimore, Berlin, Bowie, Capitol Heights, College Park, Columbia, Crofton, Cumberland, Curtis Bay, Denton, Dundalk, Elkridge, Ellicott City, Gambrills, Germantown, Greenbelt, Hagerstown, Halethorpe, Hyattsville, Lanham, Laurel, Lutherville, Millersville, Montgomery Village, Mt Airy, Ocean City, Olney, Owings Mills, Oxon Hill, Pasadena, Rock Hall, Rockville, Secretary, Severn, Silver Spring, Suitland, Takoma Park, Temple Hills, Timonium, Towson, Waldorf, Windsor Mill
MASSACHUSETTS: Acton, Avon, Bedford, Blandford, Boston, Brockton, Brookline, Cambridge, Chelmsford, Chelsea, Chestnut Hill, Dedham, Dracut, Dudley, Duxbury, Edgartown, Forestdale, Framingham, Franklin, Groton, Holden, Holliston, Hopkinton, Lakeville, Lawrence, Lexington, Lowell, Lynn, Lynnfield, Mashpee, Mattapan, Melrose, Middleton, Nahant, Natick, Needham, Newton, Newton Center, North Attleboro, North Reading, Northborough, Norwood, Pepperell, Pittsfield, Plymouth, Revere, Roslindale, Salem, Sherborn, Springfield, Stoughton, Sudbury, Taunton, Tewksbury, Tyngsboro, Waltham, Watertown, Wayland, Westfield, Weymouth, Winchester, Woburn
MICHIGAN: Alanson, Allen Park, Ann Arbor, Auburn Hills, Baraga, Bay City, Big Rapids, Bloomfield Hills, Brighton, Canton, Clare, Clarkston, Corunna, Davison, Dearborn, Dearborn Heights, Detroit, Dodgeville, East Lansing, Farmington, Fenton, Flint, Flushing, Franklin, Freeland, Fremont, Garden City, Grand Rapids, Haslett, Highland Park, Holland, Houghton, Howell, Huntington Woods, Iron Mountain, Jackson, Kalamazoo, Kentwood, L’Anse, Lakeland, Lansing, Lincoln Park, Livonia, Lyons, Marine City, Midland, Mt Clemens, Mt Morris, Mulliken, National City, New Baltimore, Newport, Niles, Okemos, Oscoda, Owosso, Portage, Potterville, Redford, Remus, Rochester, Romulus, Royal Oak, Saginaw, Saline, Sault Ste Marie, South Haven, Southfield, Southgate, Sterling Heights, Stockbridge, Taylor, Tecumseh, Traverse City, Troy, Warren, Waterford, Wayne, Webberville, West Bloomfield, Westland, White Lake, Wyandotte, Ypsilanti
MINNESOTA: Albert Lea, Albertville, Amboy, Annandale, Anoka, Austin, Blaine, Bloomington, Brainerd, Buffalo, Burnsville, Cambridge, Cold Spring, Coon Rapids, Crane Lake, Duluth, Eagan, Edina, Eveleth, Fergus Falls, Hastings, Hopkins, Houston, Inver Grove Heights, Kasota, Lake City, Lakeville, Mankato, Minneapolis, Minnetonka, Monticello, Norwood, Preston, Ramsey, Rochester, Rogers, St Cloud, St Paul, Spring Lake Park, Stillwater, Tracy, Victoria, Waseca, Wayzata, West Concord, White Bear Lake
MISSISSIPPI: Brandon, Columbus, Flowood, Greenwood, Grenada, Hattiesburg, Jackson, Madison, Meridian, Richland, Terry, Tougaloo, Whitfield
MISSOURI: Arnold, Ballwin, Bolivar, Broseley, Cape Girardeau, Chesterfield, Columbia, Diggins, Farley, Fenton, Florissant, Hannibal, Joplin, Kansas City, Knob Noster, Lees Summit, Leeton, Monett, O’Fallon, Poplar Bluff, Rolla, St Louis, St Peters, Sikeston, Springfield
MONTANA: Billings, Bozeman, Ennis, Great Falls, Helena, Missoula
NEBRASKA: Alvo, Ashland, Bellevue, Columbus, Lincoln, Omaha
NEVADA: Gerlach, Henderson, Las Vegas, Pahrump, Reno
NEW HAMPSHIRE: Concord, Enfield, Hanover, Hollis, Hooksett, Laconia, Nashua, New London, Peterborough, Portsmouth, Raymond, Rochester, Salem, Somersworth
NEW JERSEY: Absecon, Adelphia, Atlantic City, Basking Ridge, Bayville, Bedminster, Bergenfield, Blackwood, Blairstown, Brick, Bridgewater, Brielle, Camden, Cherry Hill, Chester, Clementon, Cliffside Park, Clifton, East Brunswick, East Hanover, Eatontown, Edison, Egg Harbor Twp., Elizabeth, Elmwood Park, Englewood Cliffs, Flanders, Florham Park, Fort Monmouth, Franklin Park, Garfield, Hackettstown, Haddonfield, Hawthorne, Hazlet, Hillside, Hoboken, Howell, Irvington, Jackson, Jersey City, Lake Hiawatha, Lakewood, Lawrenceville, Linden, Little Ferry, Livingston, Lyndhurst, Mantua, Marlton, Martinsville, Merchantville, Metuchen, Millburn, Monmouth Junction, Moorestown, Mt Laurel, Mountain Lakes, Mullica Hill, New Brunswick, New Egypt, Newark, Newton, North Bergen, Oaklyn, Old Bridge, Paramus, Parlin, Parsippany, Peapack, Pennsauken, Piscataway, Princeton, Rahway, Ramsey, Randolph, Raritan, Ringwood, Riverdale, Rocky Hill, Saddle River, Sayreville, Schooleys Mountain, Sicklerville, Somers Point, Somerset, Stanhope, Thorofare, Totowa, Trenton, Vineland, Voorhees, Warren, Wayne, Weehawken, West New York, Westfield, Williamstown, Willingboro, Woodbury Heights
NEW MEXICO: Alamogordo, Albuquerque, Las Cruces, Laguna, Los Alamos, Placitas, Rio Rancho, Roswell, Shiprock, White Sands
NEW YORK: Albany, Albertson, Amityville, Amsterdam, Astoria, Auburn, Baldwin, Ballston Spa, Bedford Hills, Bellvale, Bethpage, Binghamton, Blue Point, Bowmansville, Brentwood, Brockport, Brooklyn, Bronx, Buffalo, Centerport, Clifton Park, Cold Spring, Copiague, Cortlandt Manor, Delmar, Depew, East Amherst, East Aurora, East Northport, East Pharsalia, East Rockaway, Elmsford, Fairport, Flushing, Forest Hills, Fort Drum, Fresh Meadows, Fulton, Glasco, Glen Cove, Glens Falls, Great Neck, Greenlawn, Hauppauge, Hempstead, Henderson Harbor, Hicksville, Howard Beach, Ithaca, Jamaica, Lewiston, Lindenhurst, Manhasset, Maryknoll, Massapequa, Massapequa Park, Massena, McDonough, Medford, Middle Island, Middle Village, Miller Place, Monroe, Montgomery, Nesconset, New Berlin, New City, New Hyde Park, New Paltz, New Rochelle, New York, New York Mills, Newark, Newburgh, Newfane, Niagara Falls, North Babylon, Norwich, Norwood, Nyack, Ogdensburg, Oneonta, Pelham, Pittsford, Plattsburgh, Port Washington, Poughkeepsie, Purchase, Queensbury, Ridge, Rochester, Rockville Centre, Rosedale, Roslyn, Rocky Point, Round Lake, Saratoga Springs, Scarsdale, Schoharie, Seacliff, Sloansville, South Jamesport, South Ozone Park, Staten Island, Stony Brook, Syracuse, Troy, Uniondale, Utica, Valley Stream, Vestal, Walden, Warwick, Wellsville, West Henrietta, West Point, White Plains, Whitehall, Williston Park, Wyandanch, Yonkers, Yorktown Heights
NORTH CAROLINA: Apex, Ararat, Asheville, Boone, Burlington, Candler, Caroleen, Carrboro, Cary, Chapel Hill, Charlotte, Colfax, Concord, Durham, Edenton, Fayetteville, Graham, Greensboro, Greenville, Hickory, Holly Springs, Jacksonville, Kinston, Morrisville, Mt Airy, Mt Pleasant, New Bern, New London, Pinehurst, Raleigh, Roanoke Rapids, Robbinsville, Shallotte, Shelby, Skyland, Summerfield, Trinity, Wake Forest, Weaverville, West Jefferson, Winston-Salem
NORTH DAKOTA: Bisbee, Bismarck, Grand Forks, Langdon, Minot, Tioga
OHIO: Akron, Alliance, Amherst, Ashtabula, Athens, Aurora, Batavia, Bowling Green, Bryan, Canton, Celina, Chillicothe, Cincinnati, Clay Center, Cleveland, Clyde, Columbus, Continental, Convoy, Dayton, Defiance, Dublin, East Liverpool, Elmore, Elyria, Fairborn, Gettysburg, Greenville, Hamilton, Hartville, Hilliard, Hudson, Kettering, Lakewood, Lima, Lisbon, Maineville, Martins Ferry, Mason, Medina, Minford, New Matamoras, Ohio City, Oxford, Pataskala, Piqua, Powell, Rossford, Salesville, Sardis, South Point, Springboro, Sunbury, Troy, Union City, Wadsworth, Wapakoneta, West Manchester, Westlake, Williamsburg, Wooster, Youngstown
OKLAHOMA: Ardmore, Bartlesville, Durant, Edmond, Elk City, Enid, Guymon, Haskell, Muskogee, Mustang, Norman, Oklahoma City, Owasso, Panama, Proctor, Stillwater, Tulsa, Vinita, Wayne
OREGON: Aumsville, Bandon, Beaverton, Bend, Boring, Corvallis, Depoe Bay, Estacada, Eugene, Gold Hill, Grants Pass, Gresham, Klamath Falls, Medford, Newport, Oregon City, Portland, Redmond, Rose Lodge, Salem, Siletz, The Dalles, Toledo, Troutdale, Tualatin
PENNSYLVANIA: Alexandria, Allentown, Ambler, Ardmore, Aston, Bear Creek, Beaver Falls, Bellwood, Bensalem, Berwyn, Birdsboro, Bloomsburg, Broomall, Bridgeport, Bridgeville, Bryn Mawr, Camp Hill, Canonsburg, Carlisle, Cedars, Chambersburg, Clifton Heights, Coatesville, Collegeville, Conshohocken, Coudersport, Coupon, Cranberry, Cranesville, Cresco, Curwensville, Danville, Darby, Devon, Downingtown, Drexel Hill, Eagleville, East Stroudsburg, East Greenville, Easton, Ephrata, Erie, Fayetteville, Feasterville, Fort Washington, Franconia, Freeland, Gettysburg, Gladwyne, Greensburg, Grove City, Hanover, Harleysville, Harrisburg, Hazleton, Hollidaysburg, Honey Brook, Horsham, Huntingdon Valley, Indiana, Jenkintown, Jersey Shore, Johnstown, Kennett Square, King of Prussia, Koppel, Kunkletown, Kutztown, Lafayette Hill, Lancaster, Langhorne, Lansdale, Lansdowne, Lewistown, Lightstreet, Malvern, Marcus Hook, McKeesport, Mechanicsburg, Merion Station, Mill Hall, Monessen, Mountaintop, Narberth, Narvon, New Columbia, New Cumberland, New Stanton, Newtown, Norristown, North Wales, Northampton, Oakdale, Oaks, Palmerton, Philadelphia, Phoenixville, Pittsburgh, Port Matilda, Pottsville, Reading, Sarver, Scranton, Shawanese, South Fork, Southampton, Spring City, State College, Summerdale, Telford, Towanda, Trevose, Trooper, Tunkhannock, Tyrone, University Park, Upper Darby, Valley Forge, Wallingford, Washington, Waynesburg, Wellsboro, West Chester, West Mifflin, Whitehall, Wilkes-Barre, Williamsport, Woodlyn, Wynnewood, Yardley, York
RHODE ISLAND: Cranston, Hope, Johnston, Lincoln, Newport, North Kingstown, Providence, Warwick
SOUTH CAROLINA: Charleston, Clemson, Columbia, Easley, Fort Mill, Fountain Inn, Goose Creek, Greenville, Inman, Irmo, Lugoff, Myrtle Beach, Norris, North Augusta, Rock Hill, Simpsonville, Spartanburg, Sumter, Walterboro, West Columbia
SOUTH DAKOTA: Rapid City, Sioux Falls
TENNESSEE: Afton, Brentwood, Chapel Hill, Chapmansboro, Chattanooga, Clarksville, Cleveland, College Grove, Columbia, Cookeville, Cordova, Darden, Dyersburg, Elizabethton, Fairview, Franklin, Hermitage, Jackson, Johnson City, Kingsport, Kingston, Knoxville, Lascassas, Lebanon, Liberty, Luray, Madison, Mansfield, Maryville, Memphis, Mt Juliet, Murfreesboro, Nashville, Newport, Norene, Old Hickory, Paris, Parsons, Rockford, Smithville, Summertown, Walland
TEXAS: Abilene, Alamo, Allen, Amarillo, Arlington, Austin, Baytown, Beaumont, Belton, Bridgeport, Caldwell, Carrollton, Cleburne, College Station, Conroe, Copperas Cove, Corpus Christi, Coupland, Dallas, Denton, Dickinson, Early, El Paso, Electra, Evadale, Flat, Flower Mound, Fort Worth, Friendswood, Frisco, Garland, Grand Prairie, Houston, Hughes Springs, Humble, Irving, Italy, Katy, Keller, Killeen, Kingsville, Lake Dallas, League City, Leander, Lewisville, Liberty Hill, Lindale, Longview, Lubbock, McAllen, McKinney, Mesquite, Midland, Missouri City, Montgomery, Nacogdoches, New Braunfels, New Caney, Plano, Randolph AFB, Raymondville, Richardson, Round Rock, Sachse, San Angelo, San Antonio, San Marcos, Santa Fe, Sealy, Sherman, Spring, Sugar Land, Sweetwater, Tahoka, Taylor, Temple, Texarkana, Texas City, Tyler, Universal City, Waco, Whitehouse, Wichita Falls, Winona, Wylie
UTAH: Draper, Lindon, Midvale, Nephi, Paradise, Provo, Salt Lake City, Sandy, South Jordan
VERMONT: Bethel, Brattleboro, Burlington, Colchester, Lake Elmore, Marlboro, Montpelier, St Johnsbury, Winooski, Worcester
VIRGINIA: Annandale, Arlington, Ashburn, Ashland, Bristow, Burke, Cana, Catlett, Centreville, Chantilly, Charlottesville, Chesapeake, Clifton, Crozet, Dahlgren, Dulles, Dumfries, Dutton, Fairfax, Falls Church, Fredericksburg, Glen Allen, Gloucester, Greenway, Hampton, Herndon, Hillsville, Keezletown, King George, Leesburg, Lexington, Lorton, Lynchburg, Manassas, McLean, Mechanicsville, Merrifield, Moneta, Newport News, Portsmouth, Reston, Richlands, Richmond, Roanoke, Springfield, Sterling, Vienna, Virginia Beach, Warrenton, Waynesboro, Williamsburg, Winchester, Woodbridge
WASHINGTON: Auburn, Bellevue, Bellingham, Bothell, Bow, Bremerton, Brewster, Carlsborg, Clinton, Coupeville, Duvall, Edmonds, Everett, Federal Way, Ferndale, Four Lakes, Gig Harbor, Issaquah, Kalama, Kelso, Kenmore, Kent, Kirkland, Lakewood, Langley, Lynnwood, Maple Falls, Monitor, Mt Vernon, Oak Harbor, Olympia, Point Roberts, Poulsbo, Preston, Puyallup, Redmond, Renton, Richland, Seattle, Silverdale, Snohomish, Spokane, Stanwood, Tacoma, Vancouver, Vashon, Wenatchee, Whidbey Island, Woodinville, Woodway, Yakima
WEST VIRGINIA: Charleston, East Bank, Fairmont, Harpers Ferry, Huntington, Montcalm, Petersburg, Teays, Winfield
WISCONSIN: Appleton, Baraboo, Beloit, Brookfield, Butler, Cataract, Delavan, Eau Claire, Edgerton, Gillett, Janesville, Madison, Marshfield, Middleton, Milwaukee, Neenah, New Berlin, Oak Creek, Oconto, Park Falls, Pewaukee, Prairie du Chien, Sheboygan, Shullsburg, Stevens Point, Sun Prairie, Watertown, Waunakee, Wausau, Wisconsin Rapids
WYOMING: Cheyenne, Gillette, Laramie, Mills
CANADA
ALBERTA: Airdrie, Balzac, Banff, Beverly, Blackfalds, Bonnyville, Bowness, Breton, Calgary, Coaldale, Cold Lake, Crossfield, Duffield, Edmonton, Fort McMurray, Fort Saskatchewan, Grande Prairie, High Level, Hinton, Hobbema, Irricana, Jasper, Jumping Pound, Keoma, Lacombe, Lancaster Park, Leduc, Lethbridge, Lloydminster, Mannville, Meanook, Medicine Hat, Michichi, Midnapore, Montgomery, Morinville, Muriel Lake, Nisku, Nobleford, North Cooking Lake, Okotoks, Olds, Peace River, Penhold, Red Deer, St Albert, Sherwood Park, Slave Lake, Strathcona, Turin, Valleyview, Wainwright, Westlock
BRITISH COLUMBIA: Abbotsford, Agassiz, Aldergrove, Beaverley, Bednesti, Burnaby, Campbell River, Canal Flats, Cassidy, Castlegar, Chilliwack, Comox, Coquitlam, Courtenay, Cranbrook, Crofton, Delta, Duncan, East Kelowna, Fernie, Fort St John, Gibsons, Goldstream Station, Harmac, Hollyburn, Hope, Kamloops, Kelowna, Kitimat, Ladner, Ladysmith, Langley, Maple Ridge, Mayne, Metchasin, Mission, Nanaimo, Nelson, New Westminster, North Vancouver, Parksville, Penticton, Port Alberni, Port Coquitlam, Port Moody, Prince George, Prince Rupert, Pritchard, Qualicum Beach, Quesnel, Richmond, Salmon Arm, Sherwood, Sidney, Summerland, Surrey, Tahsis, Taft, Terrace, Trail, Tsawwassen, Usk, Vallican, Vancouver, Vernon, Victoria, White Rock, Williams Lake
MANITOBA: Altona, Brandon, Brooklands, Chater, Dauphin, Dufresne, Flin Flon, Forrest Station, Kildonan, Lac du Bonnet, Minnedosa, Plum Coulee, St James, St Lazare, Selkirk, Steinbach, Thompson, Virden, West Kildonan, Winkler, Winnipeg.
NEW BRUNSWICK: Bartibog Station, Berry Mills, Bristol, Fredericton, Hampton, Hartland, Lakeburn, Marysville, Moncton, Mouth of Keswick, Notre-Dame, Oromocto, Rothesay, Sackville, St John, Tracadie.
NEWFOUNDLAND & LABRADOR: Burlington, Corner Brook, Fishels, Gander, Glenwood, Harry’s Brook, Mt Pearl, Paradise Cove, St John’s, Stephenville, Wabana
NORTHWEST TERRITORIES: Yellowknife.
NOVA SCOTIA: Annapolis Royal, Amherst, Antigonish, Bedford, Berwick, Bridgetown, Cornwallis, Dalhousie West, Dartmouth, Deep Brook, Elmsvale, Granville Ferry, Greenwood, Halifax, Maitland, Mill Cove, New Albany, New Glasgow, Pictou, Shubenacadie, Sydney, Truro, Webster Station, Wolfville, Yarmouth.
ONTARIO: Agincourt, Ajax, Almonte, Arnprior, Atikokan, Aurora, Aylmer, Barrie, Beaverton, Belleville, Blind River, Bolton, Bowmanville, Brampton, Brantford, Bridgeport, Brimley, Brittannia, Brockville, Burgessville, Buckhorn, Burketon Station, Burlington, Cambridge, Cannington, Carleton Place, Chalk River, Chatham, Chelmsford, Clarkson, Cobourg, Cochrane, Colwell, Corbyville, Cornwall, Courtice, Deep River Depot, Don Mills, Dundas, Dunnville, East Windsor, Eastview, Elliot Lake, Elmira, Englehart, Erin, Etobicoke, Fergus, Fonthill, Forest, Forest Hill, Fort Erie, Fort Frances, Fredericksburg, Gananoque, Georgetown, Glen Buell, Gormley, Grimsby, Guelph, Haliburton, Hamilton, Hanover, Harriston, Harwood, Hensall, Ingersoll, Inglewood, Kanata, Kenora, Keswick, Kincardine, King City, Kingston, Kitchener, Leitrim, Lindsay, London, Long Sault, Markdale, Markham, Markstay, Merrickville, Midhurst, Midland, Millbrook, Milton, Mimico, Mississauga, Nanticoke, Napanee, Nepean, Niagara Falls, North Bay, North York, Oakville, Onemee, Orangeville, Orleans, Oshawa, Ottawa, Owen Sound, Pakenham, Parkhill, Parry Sound, Pefferlaw, Perth, Petawawa, Peterborough, Pickering, Port Colborne, Port Credit, Port Dalhousie, Port Hope, Port Perry, Renfrew, Rexdale, Richmond Hill, Riverside, Rockcliffe Park, St Catharines, St Thomas, Sarnia, Scarborough, Scarborough Junction, Schreiber, Smiths Falls, Stamford, Stittsville, Stouffville, Stratford, Sudbury, Swansea, Tecumseh, Thedford, Thornhill, Thunder Bay, Timmins, Tiverton, Toronto, Trenton, Wasaga Beach, Waterford, Waterloo, Welland, Weston, Whitby, Whitefish, Winchester, Windsor, Woodstock, Yarker, York Mills.
PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND: Charlottetown, Sherwood, Summerside.
QUEBEC: Anjou, Aylmer, Baie-d’Urfe, Beaconsfield, Beloeil, Beaumont, Bordeaux, Boucherville, Brossard, Cartierville, Chateauguay, Cote-St-Catherine, Cote-St-Luc, Deschenes, Dollard-des-Ormeaux, Dorval, Gatineau, Granby, Hull, La Pocatiere, Lac-Meach, LaSalle, Laval, Longueuil, Luskville, Montreal, Montreal-Ouest, Mont-Royal, Muncey, Old Chelsea, Pierrefonds, Pincourt, Pointe-Calumet, Pointe-Gatineau, Pont-Viau, Price, Quebec, Quebec-Ouest, Richelieu, Richmond, Roxboro, St-Eustache, St-Laurent, St-Paul, Ste-Foy, Senneville, Shawinigan, Sherbrooke, Terrebonne, Valcourt, Waterloo, Westmount, Windsor.
SASKATCHEWAN: Corinne, Delisle, Esterhazy, Estevan, Garrick, Gorlitz, Grand Coulee, Lampman, Mankota, Melville, Moose Jaw, North Battleford, Pilot Butte, Prince Albert, Regina, Saskatoon, Sutherland, Wapella, Warman, Webb, Weyburn, Yorkton.
YUKON TERRITORY: Whitehorse.
INTERNATIONAL
ARGENTINA: Buenos Aires, Entre Rios
AUSTRALIA: Abbotsford (NSW), Adelaide (SA), Applecross (NSW), Bendigo (V), Brisbane (Q), Campbell (V), Canberra (ACT), Clayton North (V), Earlwood (NSW), Eastwood (NSW), Glenroy (VIC), Jondaryan (Q), Karlgarin (WA), Lindfield (NSW), Liverpool (NSW), Melbourne (V), O’Connor (WA), Perth (WA), Regents Park (NSW), Sydney (NSW), Tempe (NSW), Wallacia (NSW), Woolwich (NSW), Yougali (NSW).
AUSTRIA: Retz, Salzburg, Vienna.
BELGIUM: Antwerp, Brussels, Drogerbos, Genk, Herentals, Ketem
BERMUDA: Hamilton
BRAZIL: Bahia, Belo Horizonte, Brasilia, Curitiba, Goainia, Guara, Rio de Janeiro, Sao Bernardo da Campo, Sao Paulo
BRUNEI: Bandar Seri Begawan
BULGARIA: Pernik, Sofia
CHILE: Santiago, Vina del Mar
CHINA: Beijing
COLOMBIA: Bogota, Medellin
COSTA RICA: Hermosa, San Jose
CZECH REPUBLIC: Prague
DENMARK: Aalborg, Arhus, Copenhagen, Fborg, Fredericia, Gillelaje, Haderslev, Helsingor, Herlev, Horsens, Roenne, Roskilde, Silkeborg, Tim, Tranbjerg, Varndrup
ECUADOR: Quito
EGYPT: Cairo
EL SALVADOR: Delgado, San Salvador
ENGLAND: Altrincham, Bailleston, Balham, Banbury, Beenham, Birmingham, Blackbushes, Bradford, Bristol, Chelsfield, Chipstead, Chislehurst, Crawley, Cubitt Town, Elsfield, Ewell, Exeter, Falmouth, Farnborough, Gloucester, Greenwich, Guildford, Hampstead, Holywood, Hope, Ipswich, Lambeth, Lancaster, Leicester, London, Maidenhead, Manchester, Mere, Middlesbrough, Navestock, Northolt, Oxford, Oxton, Paddington, Peterborough, Rochdale, Runcorn, Shawford, Sheffield, Shooters Hill, Slough, Southend-on-Sea, Staines, Stevenage, Stithians, Stockport, Stoke-on-Trent, Taunton, Uxbridge, Walworth, Warlingham, Warrington, Watford, Wimbledon, Wokingham, Wolverhampton, Worcester
ESTONIA: Tallinn, Tartu
FINLAND: Brevdik, Espoo, Helsinki, Imatra, Iisalmi, Lahti, Murto, Nokia, Rauma, Tampere, Voutila
FRANCE: Boulogne-Billancourt, Fourmeis, Grenoble, Lille, Marseille, Nice, Paris, Pinay-Sous-Nart, St-Cyr-au-Mont-d’Or, Strasbourg, Toulon, Vanves, Villefranche-sur-Sane
GERMANY: Aachen, Berlin, Bielefeld, Dachau, Dortmund, Dresden, Dusseldorf, Essen, Geisenkirchen, Groauheim, Haan, Hamburg, Heppendorf, Hockenheim, Kaiserslautern, Kassel, Leinfelden-Echterdingen,
Mainz, Nurnberg, Rottenburg, Thomashotte, Unterschneberg, Walldorf, Weisbach, Wiesloch
GHANA: Accra
GREECE: Athens, Thessaloniki
HONG KONG: Hong Kong
HUNGARY: Budapest, Budars
INDIA: Bangalore, Calcutta, Chennai, Dehra Dun, Delhi, Hyderabad, Jaipur, Kumar, Madras, Mumbai, Nashik, Pune
INDONESIA: Bandung, Batam, Jakarta, Surabaya.
IRAN: Irancheh, Tehran
IRELAND: Ballymount, Dublin
ISRAEL: Bene Beraq, Kinneret, Natanya, Tel Aviv
ITALY: Casa San Biagio, Crotone, Lecce, Milan, Rome, Trinitapoli, Turin
JAMAICA: Kingston
JAPAN: Nagasaki, Naha, Sasebo, Tokyo, Toyama, Urawa
KENYA: Nairobi
MALAYSIA: Johor Baharu, Kampong, Kuala Lumpur, Miri, Pantai Valley
MEXICO: Ciudad Juarez, Del Carmen, Duarte, Leon, Matamoros, Mexicali, Mexico City, Monterrey, Puerto Vallarta, Reynosa, San Juan de la Cruz, San Lorenzo, Zapopan
MOROCCO: Casablanca
NETHERLANDS: Abersfoot, Acht, Amsterdam, Borne, DeBaest, Enschede, Groningen, Hellevoetsluis, Hoofddorp, Huizen, Meerssen, Overvecht-Noord, Rijswijk, Rotterdam, S’Hertogenbosch, The Hague, Tilburg, Utrecht, Weesp, Zwolle
NEW ZEALAND: Auckland, Christchurch, Days Bay, Napier, Ngauranga, Wellington
NIGERIA: Lagos
NORTHERN IRELAND: Belfast
NORWAY: Bergen, Larvik, Oslo, Saksvik, Trondheim
PAKISTAN: Abbottabad
PERU: Lima
PHILIPPINES: Benguet, Cebu City, Manila, Marikima, Quezon City
POLAND: Gorzow Slaski, Krakow, Plac, Warsaw, Wroclaw
PORTUGAL: Boua, Gondomar, Estabil, Leiria, Lisbon, Maia, Marinha, Oeiras
ROMANIA: Bucharest
RUSSIA: Moscow
ST KITTS & NEVIS: St. Kitts
SAUDI ARABIA: Dhahran, Riyadh
SCOTLAND: Douglas, Dundee, Edinburgh, Perth
SERBIA & MONTENEGRO: Belgrade, Brezenak, Pristina
SINGAPORE: Singapore
SLOVENIA: Ljubljana
SOUTH AFRICA: Cape Town, Johannesburg, Welkom
SOUTH KOREA: Seoul
SPAIN: Alicante, Amedo, Barcelona, Cadiz, Igualada, La Bauma, Logrono, Madrid, Puerto Real, San Juan De Aznalfarache, San Sebastian, Sevilla, Valladolid, Yunclillas
SRI LANKA: Colombo
SWEDEN: Alingsas, Gothenburg, Homyrsvedjan, Kista, Kungsbacka, Lackarebock, Liding, Linnarhult, Lund, Malmo, Mossebo, Palestina, Soderhamn, Stockholm, Sundsvall, Umea
SWITZERLAND: Bern, Villarvolard
SYRIA: Damascus
TAIWAN: Hanying, Taipei
THAILAND: Bangkok, Phuket
TUNISIA: Tunis
TURKEY: Ankara, Burdur, Bursa, Istanbul, Izmir
UGANDA: Kampala
UNITED ARAB EMIRATES: Dubai
URUGUAY: Montevideo
VENEZUELA: Caracas, El Taparita, San Joaquin, Valencia
VIETNAM: Hanoi, Ho Chi Minh City
WALES: Cardiff, Swansea, Wrexham
YEMEN: Sana
Thanks, y'all.

Hockey stuff

2006-04-13T00:04:00.000-04:00

My hockey blogging, which will probably increase as we enter Nirvana (read: the Stanley Cup playoffs), will now be done at a new location. Stop by for my rants, raves, etc.
All other blogging will remain here.

Someone has too much time on his hands...

2006-04-12T23:59:00.000-04:00

There's a professor at the University of Alberta who definitely has too much time on his hands.
He is Andrew Harrell. His discipline? The social sciences. His latest findings? That ugly people make bad parents.
“Unattractive parents are less likely than attractive parents to supervise their children closely,” said Harrell.
He’s the same social scientist who took a fair bit of heat last year when he presented evidence suggesting parents pay more attention to attractive children.
This guy needs to have something to do.
Does he have any children? His listing on the U of A web site doesn't say.
Perhaps he should pay more attention to his own kids, if he has 'em.

Canadians help our enemies again

2006-04-12T22:34:00.000-04:00

Illegal immigration from north of the border...
SEATTLE (AP) - U.S. and Canadian authorities announced Wednesday they have broken up a human smuggling ring suspected of illegally shepherding dozens of Indian and Pakistani nationals into Washington state from British Columbia.
A U.S. federal grand jury in Seattle has indicted 14 U.S. and Canadian men for their roles in the alleged scheme. Twelve had been arrested as of Wednesday. Investigators on both sides of the border worked on the case for more than a year, apprehending roughly 50 people who had allegedly paid as much as $35,000 US apiece to be smuggled into the United States, said Leigh Winchell, special agent in charge of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement in Seattle.
RCMP officers arrested the suspected ringleader Kavel Multani, 46, a dual Canadian and Indian citizen living in Vancouver on Tuesday, along with three other suspects: Nizar Sabaz-Ali, 38, a Pakistani citizen of North York, Ont.; Sandip Parhar, 26, a Canadian citizen of Delta, B.C. and Armardeep Singh Powar, 23, an Indian citizen of Vancouver.
Multani was named in a nine-count indictment unsealed Wednesday charging him with smuggling and transporting illegal aliens. Also arrested so far are two Indian citizens living in Canada, one Indian citizen living in Washington state, four Canadian citizens and one American.
Authorities were still seeking two other men who have been indicted.
Winchell said two undercover agents infiltrated the alleged smuggling operation, which slipped most immigrants across the border in between patrolled ports of entry. He said the network in Vancouver is part of a larger smuggling organization spread across Canada.
We have our problems south of the border... and we're getting it from the north, too?

An oldie but a goodie

2006-04-11T11:46:00.000-04:00

Back in the days of President Peanut (aka Jimmuh Cahtah), we had a little trouble with Iran. Four hundred-plus days of hostage-taking, to be exact.
Now, we're having more problems with the Ayatollahs Ho-Ho-Kus.
It's time to act.
And we dedicate this song to what needs to be done...

Ah, bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran
bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran
Oh bomb Iran, that’s the plan
bomb Iran
We got to get the ayatollahs
before they get us first now
bomb Iran
bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran
Nukes at a glance; Europe’s in a trance
Iran‘s got the bomb, so we’ve gotta take a chance
and bomb Iran, bomb Iran
That’s the plan
Bomb Iran
We got to get the ayatollahs
before they get us first now
bomb Iran
bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran

bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran
bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran

bomb Iran, that’s the plan
bomb Iran
We gotta get the ayatollahs
Before they get us first now
bomb Iran
bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran

Tried the U.N.
They’re girlie-men
Tried Europe, too
But we knew they wouldn’t do it
bomb Iran, bomb Iran
That's the plan
Bomb Iran
That's the plan
We gotta get the ayatollahs
Before they get us first now
bomb Iran
Bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran

bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran
bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran
bomb Iran
That's the plan
bomb Iran
We got to get the ayatollahs
Before they get us first now
bomb Iran
Bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran

(hat tip to the Beach Boys)

JFK: Let's admit it, the mob did it

2006-04-07T12:58:00.000-04:00

It's been almost 43 years since President John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas.
Don't you think it's time we admitted, once and for all, that Kennedy was the victim of a mob hit?
Over the past few years, I've read several books -- by people traveling in completely different circles of organized crime -- in which the mob takes credit for the Kennedy assassination.
That the mob was involved was always in the background, with Jack Ruby -- a known associate of the Chicago outfit -- and his takeout of alleged gunman Lee Harvey Oswald the primary link.
There are also some facts which a large number of books discuss, primarily that the mob helped steal the Illinois vote for Kennedy and that the mob backed Kennedy in other ways, primarily as a favor to an old friend (remember, the Kennedy fortune came largely from patriarch Joe's days as a bootlegger and rumrunner during Prohibition, when the various mobs built their empires).
But let's look at what the books claim, in order of credibility, from least to most.
Blood and Honor by Salvatore "Bill" Bonanno.
Bonanno, the son of legendary mobster Joe "Joe Bananas" Bonanno, talks at some length about the mob's machinations to get Kennedy elected.
But the real bombshell is a prison conversation Bonanno had with Johnny Roselli, in which Roselli says he was the other shooter in the Kennedy hit, the guy on the grassy knoll made famous by the Zapruder film.
Credibility rating: Roselli was not noted as a hit man. He was the Chicago outfit's man on the West Coast for many years. And he wasn't a younger man at that point... he was around 60 at the time of the assassination. But Roselli was a Chicago guy. Sam Giancana, the boss in Chicago at the time, hated the Kennedys. It would not be a stretch to think that Giancana ordered Roselli to do it. Also, Roselli was later killed after testifying before a Congressional committee in the 1970s investigating the CIA's ties to the mob in efforts to overthrow Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. The mob lost a fortune when Castro took over and wasn't happy about Kennedy's backing down on the Bay of Pigs invasion.
Double Cross by Chuck Giancana and Sam Giancana.
Chuck Giancana was Sam's brother; this Sam Giancana is a nephew of the mob boss. Much of the book centers around conversations Chuck had with his brother. Chuck was always on the fringes of the Outfit -- according to the book, big brother never let little brother get too involved.
But there were many detailed conversations concerning the assassination and the machinations to reclaim the mob's foothold in Cuba, including admissions by Sam that the mob was involved in the assassination.
Credibility rating: Sam Giancana trusted his brother, even though he kept Chuck on the fringes of the Outfit. There's no real reason to doubt the story Chuck tells. And there's enough information supported by other authors, especially the late FBI agent William F. Roemer Jr., to support much of the non-assassination information Chuck recounts. (Note: Roemer wrote that he did not believe that the mob was involved in the Kennedy killing, based on what he heard on wiretaps at the time.) Also, Giancana was hit prior to his scheduled testimony before that same Congressional committee Roselli talked with before he was killed.
I Heard You Paint Houses by Charles Brandt with Frank Sheeran.
This is the book in which Sheeran, a long-time Teamster low-level official, admits to killing Teamster boss Jimmy Hoffa back in 1975. Brandt is a former prosecutor in Delaware who looked into Sheeran's confession and found it accurate. He also found a number of other Sheeran claims accurate, including the hit on New York mob star Joey Gallo in the early 70s.
Credibility rating: There is a quote from a conversation involving Sheeran, Hoffa, and mob bosses Russell Bufalino and Angelo Bruno in which Hoffa was warned not to try to retake the presidency of the Teamsters.
Bufalino, to Hoffa: "There are people higher up than me that feel you are demonstrating a failure to show appreciation... for Dallas."
After the sitdown, Bufalino told Sheeran, who was a staunch Hoffa supporter: "You're dreaming, my friend. If they could take out the president, they could take out the president of the Teamsters."
Later, Hoffa talked to Sheeran about the warning and about what was said.
"Dallas -- did you hear that word tonight? Remember that package you took to Baltimore? I didn't know it then, but it was high-powered rifles for the Kennedy hit in Dallas... That pilot [David Ferrie, whose name appeared in the assassination investigation] for Carlos [Marcello, the New Orleans mob boss who was also a prominent figure in the investigation] was involved in delivering the replacements you brought down....
"Jack Ruby's cops were supposed to take care of Oswald, but Ruby bungled it. That's why he had to go in and finish the job on Oswald. If he didn't take care of Oswald, what do you think they would have done to him -- put Ruby on a meat hook. Don't kid yourself. Santo [Trafficante, the Tampa mob boss] and Carlos and Giancana and some of their element, they were all in on Kennedy."
Pretty compelling stuff.
---
Maybe it's better to think that Oswald was just a lone nut. Maybe it was better for the collective conscience of America to believe that. Maybe it was the Camelot image of the Kennedy administration that made such dark secrets unthinkable.
But there's too much out there to think otherwise.
Perhaps it's time we admitted it.

Free Bob!

2006-04-05T23:36:00.000-04:00

This Bob must be freed!